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The cast from “The Hills” (minus Lauren Conrad) is set to return to the small screen on September 29 at 10 p.m. on MTV, according to MTV News.

This upcoming season will mark the return of Kristin Cavallari to MTV. However, the show will return with familiar faces, including Audrina Patridge, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and Lo Bosworth.

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Ever wonder what it’s like being on a reality show? Ever wonder how it would affect your job, your lifestyle, or your personal relationships? Jordan spoke with Whitney Port from The City to get all the glamourous and less than glamourous details.

Whitney Port just became the most exciting character of The Hills- okay well almost. Kelly Cutrone recommends Whitney for a PR job with Diane Von Furstenberg. Who knew Kelly could be nice? This job would involve Whitney moving to New York City. Whitney is extra excited considering her bf Jay lives there. Lauren Conrad says it right, “Dream Boy, Dream Job.” LC says she’s happy for her but you can tell she’s not THAT happy for her. When she arrives in NY, Whitney is dressed up with mega high heels. It looks like she fits in since everyone there are tall and beautiful and wearing mega high heels. This time, Whitney did not trip. Alixe Boyer, the VP Global Image Director interviews Whitney. Whitney says it has always been her dream to work with a designer. She explains she is ready to change her life. Alixe looks happy to hear that. If only she knew what’s on Whitney’s mind…Mr. Jay. When she exits the interview, Jay is waiting for her in ripped jeans and a shirt tied around his waist. I never realized that Whitney and Audrina have similar taste in guys. They see each other for 3 seconds and he tells her, “Call me when you get back to LA.” He actually cares! A boy with a cute accent who actually calls, Whitney’s got it made.

It seems everyone is moving these days. Lauren Conrad visits Audrina Patridge at her ‘bachelorette pad.” She gets a tour of Audrina’s place and it looks like the two are officially at peace. However, LC is not at peace with her parents moving to a different house in Laguna Beach. Lo Bosworth comes with Lauren to help pack some of her old stuff. Lauren’s parents, Jim and Kathy Conrad, actually look normal. They’re moving to a smaller house since all their children have left the nest or will fly away soon like LC’s younger brother Brandon. He’s the only Conrad child without his own MTV show (LC’s little sis Breanna was featured in Laguna Beach Season 3). LC reminisces with Lo about all the fun times in the house, such as her’s and Stephen Colletti’s first kiss. Lo tries to cheer her up, “you have to make memories”

Stephanie Pratt is trying to erase her memories and make new ones. She explains to Spencer Pratt that she and Cameron keep breaking up, for reasons such as Cameron being mad about always driving to her place but her never driving to his. Oh yeah… huge problems. She explains, “we’re gonna try things out again, start over.” Spencer doesn’t believe in second chances. Hello?! Didn’t he get about 5000 chances with Heidi Montag? Spencer’s general recommendation is “go be a nun, join a nun’s thing.” Shouldn’t she know better than asking brother dearest? Spencer tells her she can do better than Cameron. I beg to differ. Later that week, Stephanie brings Cameron to Falcon Restaurant and Lounge where she is meeting up with the Speidies. Spencer is his usual self at dinner, making jabs at Cameron whenever he has the chance. Of course, Spencer manipulates Stephanie’s mind like he does with everyone else in his life and she decides to end it with Cameron. Cameron comes over to her place and she cries to him that “This is the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in…but I deserve better than this.” I’m all for girl power but I’m not sure if Steph can find better, she’s like a train wreck waiting to happen.

Audrina Drama Queen Patridge finally understands she’s ruined a friendship over a dumb rumor. She wants to make peace with Lauren Conrad, but Justin Bobby is another story. “He’s very good at manipulating,” Audrina admits to Casey. It took her this long to notice; has she been living under a rock? Brody Jenner comes over to use LC’s pool and talk about the situation: “Why you bangin Justin Bobby?” Ugh -I’d rather not see ‘JB’ and ‘bangin’ in the same sentence. Brody tells Lauren to leave Audrina since “people like that …are constant drama.” I guess Brody doesn’t realize he’s caused enough drama himself. He gives his opinion on humanity: when people change “some change for the good and some for the bad.” Lauren realizes Brody isn’t the best person to get advice from and talks with Lo Bosworth and later with Whitney Port. Both agree Audrina is in the wrong but Lauren should at least hear what she has to say. LC does just that. She and Audrina meet up and Audrina FINALLY apologizes. Lauren explains herself, “Some crazy person told you a crazy story.” Audrina admits she feels like an idiot for not trusting LC and Justin. Lauren can’t believe that Audrina would put her in the same category as Justin. He’s giving her so many reasons not to trust him but LC hasn’t. Lauren explains that it’s about trusting the right people. A dude named Dino doesn’t count. Audrina hates being the bad guy and tries to win some sympathy points. She admits she hasn’t been happy in awhile: “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Tears gushing, she announces: “I’ve learned to become my own best friend.” Maybe now that Audrina has Lauren back, she doesn’t have to be a loner.

Spencer Pratt is trying to make Stephanie Pratt a loner by stealing their Nana away from her. Heidi Montag encourages him to invite Stephanie to come visit Nana with them. While this is a nice gesture, Spencer cannot let a situation be without being a douchbag. This time, he does everything he can to make Stephanie feel guilty for not seeing their Nana often. He comes off as the favourite and makes Stephanie look like a bitch. He tells Nana that Stephanie befriended his enemy. Nana advises them that family and siblings are most important, “you can trust him and you can rely on him.” Oh Nana, if you only knew. The next day, Stephanie and Nana go for a walk in Santa Monica Beach. Stephanie admits that she feels excluded but doesn’t want to fight with Spencer for Nana’s attention. She hints that Spencer is not as great as he seems but Nana admits she doesn’t want to know everything.
Nana: “Life is sometimes a bucket of worms and you don’t know what to do about them.”
Stephanie: “That’s how I feel about Spencer.”
Does this mean she doesn’t know what to do about Spencer or he’s like a bucket of worms? Probably both, the dude is slimy.

Audrina Patridge visits Justin Bobby in his neck of the woods: Venice Beach. He calls the area “zenful” and adds another word to the Justin Dick-tionary. The two start planning a Mexico trip to “make up for Cabo.” I guess this time they’ll actually share a room. Lauren Conrad and Audrina go for drinks where she explains Justin is over Hollywood and is ready to grow up. Audrina hasn’t grown up since she’s still obsessing over him: “He’ll always be my #1.” Casey Patridge comes over and is worried Audrina is too convenient with Justin. Audrina admits she won’t care if Justin doesn’t call her for a week and disappears. Convenient? Stupid? Same difference. Audrina: “What can I say, I love him.”

Audrina and Justin go out for dinner where they discuss their ‘mature’ relationship. Justin: “maturity is one of the key things in a relationship.” Yup, and it includes burping and making out with girls in front of your gf. Although he did ditch his token hat for a Zorro-inspired one and gives Audrina a shirt as a present so he is changing… sort of: “I can be good when I want to be…no bras with that, thank you!”

While Audrina is chilling in Venice Beach, she is being replaced in the LC-Lo Bosworth casa. Holly Montag decides to crash at Lauren Conrad’s place after Heidi Montag kicks her out. LC is fine with the un-evil Montag. “She’s like Heidi but without the Spencer,” as Whitney Port describes her. LC, Lo and Holly spend time drinking wine while bashing Spencer. Now that’s my kind of night. LC thinks Heidi is pushing Holly away because she’s in a bad place. Any place with Spencer is a bad place. Holly agrees, “He just drives away everyone that cares about her!” When Lauren and Stephanie Pratt catch up at school, she informs her that Holly is staying at her place. Stephanie is worried this will make Heidi sad. LC could care less, “To be honest, I don’t care what Stephanie thinks.”

Heidi Montag is already sad about being jobless and bored.
Spencer tries to cheer her up: “Let’s go to the movies.”
Heidi: “Let’s not.”
Heidi starts blaming Spencer Pratt for her getting fired. Of course when the negative comments come, Spencer bails: “I’m gonna go enjoy life!” Spencer tells Heidi to stop complaining so much. He has a point, stop bitching and dump Spencer!

Heidi goes to Bolthouse to try and suck up to Sam Naziri to hire her back. She wins him over and he promises to give her one more chance as long as Spencer comes no where near her next project- a hotel. Naziri thinks it will be a great idea to take Heidi out of the club scene. Makes sense now that she’s an alcoholic. Spencer tells Heidi he’s happy she’s going back to work since she won’t be moping around the house anymore. True, only one bum allowed per residence. Stephanie stops by to tell them about Holly’s living situation. When they get mad, she brings up a valid point, “who’s going to say no to a homeless person?” Even Stephanie let Spencer crash with her. Spencer admits he’s happy Holly is living there since Lauren gets “the mooch of the century” as a house guest. At least Holly doesn’t come with a can of spray paint and a fish tank.
Spencer: “your sister’s the problem.”
Heidi: “Maybe you’re the problem.”
You’re both the problem, now shut up.

When Kelly Cutrone “immediately” needs help in New York, Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port drop everything and go. Cutrone is still the scariest woman of the Hills as we witness her yelling at one of her employees to hang up the phone and get to business. LC and Whitney are there to help with Andrew Buckler’s show during New York Fashion Week for Menswear. The girls are giddy with excitement- especially Whitney at the thought of seeing Alex, the hot model, again. Cutrone tells the girl they “will be seeing him in his underwear a lot.” Whitney and Alex hang out during the show and he asks for her opinion on his make-up, “you just look like you have a really bad fake tan.” When did Whit become such a bitch?! Meanwhile Lauren is befriending Texan Model Adam who invites her and Whitney to his restaurant, “Il Bastardo” for after the show. That night, they arrive and Whitney is instantly mesmerized by the band playing, especially its lead singer, Jay the Aussie. She admits to Lauren, “I can’t be too forward” but 10 seconds later approaches Jay and buys him a shot. Yeah Whitney, not forward at all. But he does promise to sing for her later. “Oh my God and he has an accent… SO Hot!” She tells LC. Alex looks sad and asks Whitney to come sit with him but she says she can’t leave Lauren. Of course she’s also okay leaving the club alone with Jay. Didn’t seem to be thinking about LC then…and she doesn’t even say goodbye to Alex. It’s a whole new side of Whitney!

Unlike Whitney, Spencer Pratt only has one side- the douchbag one. He doesn’t understand why Heidi Montag is sad. Dude, she just got fired.
Spencer: “Why are you in such a bad mood yo?”
Heidi: “Because I got fired from my job that I worked really hard at for 3 years at by being such an idiot.”
At least she’s finally admitting it. She decides to go work on her resume. Spencer’s words of advice “you can put me down as a reference.” Spencer somehow convinces her to go ‘celebrate’ getting fired or as he calls it, her moment of freedom. They head over to club Ultimate where they spot Brent Bolthouse at the bar. Of course Spencer thinks it’s a great idea to go defend Heidi. Heidi knows it’s a bad idea “No, don’t say anything.” Like the 5-year-old that he is, Spencer pretends to go to the bathroom and talks to Brent instead. When he tries to vouch for Heidi, Brent puts him down worse than Heidi’s mom did: “I don’t understand why every time you come around there’s problems… I don’t even know you, Heidi should be talking to me.” Spencer apologizes and slinks off. Heidi realizes she has to mend the situation and Spencer tries to perk her up “You can’t get fired twice.” When she talks to Brent, he seems to consider hiring her back as long as Spencer never goes near the place, “your boyfriend’s a nightmare.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Audrina Patridge continues looking for a Justin Bobby substitute. She goes on a date with Corey Bohan from Australia. When Lauren Conrad asks Audrina about Justin, Audrina answers: “I dunno, he’s a weird one. I don’t get him.” Took her long enough! After getting so used to JB, Audrina’s thankful for a guy who returns her calls and doesn’t stand her up. Yes, Audrina, it’s abnormal for a guy not to be a jerk. During a romantic dinner, Corey questions Audrina’s love life. Unlike Colin, he doesn’t run screaming. When she questions his, he answers “stress free, just cruisin.” This seems to sit perfectly with Audrina. She likes the non-committed types.

Corey comes by to Audrina’s pad and like a good house-wife-in-training, she gives him cereal and strawberries. LC comes downstairs and is happy to see Audrina with someone other than JB. Me too Lauren, me too… Audrina mentions they’re all going to Cabo for Brody’s birthday and invites Corey. His response: “sounds like a big deal.” Whoa, too much commitment for aussieboy? However, he’s not opposed to going to Malibu for the day with the rest of LC’s crew. Audrina takes Corey as her date while Lauren takes Whitney. LC explains to Whitney, “Justin’s there till someone better comes around.” At the pool party, Frankie Delgado receives a phone call from JB. Uh Oh. Turns out Brody Jenner has already invited Justin Bobby to Cabo with them. When Frankie informs Audrina of this, she tells him what she told JB, that it’s his choice to be with her or not. Obviously Justin Bobby chooses not.

Later on, in Runyon Canyon Park, LC and Audrina walk what is assumed to be Chloe, except she is way bigger than her last appearance. Audrina informs LC that Justin Bobby keeps calling her, most likely because he knows she’s dating. She wonders “Who to choose?” LC smartly points out that Justin Bobby isn’t going anywhere. True to her word, JB comes over to her place where they have a deep discussion which involves Justin convincing Audrina to go swimming alone: “You can go in and I can watch.” Creeeepy. Of course, Audrina goes in. To convince Justin Bobby to join her, she decides to swim topless. I guess Audrina thinks being easy will reel him in. Maybe for night but not in the future; when they discuss Cabo, Justin’s words are “it’s on!” What Justin, what is on? In his explanation, he’s allowed to do whatever he wants in Cabo. Audrina’s last words to him “I don’t trust you.” Duh.

In the land of Speidi, Spencer Pratt informs Stephanie that he doesn’t know who he dislikes more, Holly Montag or “stalker mom” as he refers to Heidi’s mother. He explains he was “bombed like Pearl Harbour.” Then he explains that the letter Heidi gave Lauren upsets him since he “didn’t get to read it or spell-check it.” Is he actually being funny?! Maybe Spencer does have more to offer aside from being the token Douch-Bag. However, he reverts to his usual smirk when he brings up Holly moving out for the 500th time. Heidi’s response: “You were at your sister’s for over 2 months.” Go Heidi! Of course Spencer avoids the question and instead gives her an ultimatum, “one of us has to move out.” Who is she going to choose, her asshole ex-fiance-boyfriend or her loving sister? Well of course Heidi being Heidi informs Holly that the living situation isn’t working out and she should move out already. Holly doesn’t understand why it has to be her or Spencer. Shouldn’t she know by now Spencer doesn’t share his assets?

Stephanie Pratt is left crying on the Hills for a second time this season. But there’s no sympathy for a back-stabbing Pratt. When Lauren Conrad calls her out on her dinner-date with Doug, Stephanie admits that he was just using her to get back at LC and that she deleted his number off her phone. Well then why would she go to dinner with him in the first place! Then she has the nerve to tell Lauren that she’ll be at Doug’s barbecue. Lauren Conrad cannot believe what she’s hearing: “Doug invited you but you erased him but you’re still gonna go?” Stephanie replied that she planned to go weeks ago, “before I was even friends with him.” Stephanie’s logic never ceases to amaze me. Of course after telling Lauren all this, Stephanie proceeds to go out with Doug AGAIN. She knows she needs a good alibi but Doug is unfazed, “everything’s gonna be fine… what are you doing after this? A movie night or a DVD night?” Now she’s hooking up with him? Stephanie just keeps digging a bigger hole for herself. At least when Spencer was an ass to Lauren, he wasn’t her friend.

Both Stephanie and Doug are trying to put the blame on each other. When Brody Jenner calls Doug shady, he explains that Stephanie is the one chasing him and shows Brody her text messages. Who knows what to believe! At the Barbecue, everything comes undone. Everyone shuns Stephanie at the party and Brody calls her out on her sketchy behavior. She starts crying when she overhears what Doug is saying about her. He states that he was just trying to be a good person and befriend her: “She’s like a lost puppy. I want nothing to do with her.” But then he makes a big mistake, asking what the problem is if LC was just his ex-fling. Lauren realizes he’s an ass and goes to talk to Stephanie. Instead of taking the responsibility, Stephanie blames Doug and Brody, saying how they’re trying to pull her and Lauren apart. Finally, LC sees the light. Note to Lauren Conrad: when EVERYONE tells you not to trust Stephanie, you should listen. As LC explains to Whitney Port when they’re ‘working’ at People’s Revolution, “Doug’s not worth fighting with a friend over, but apparently it was worth it to her.”

Someone who is completely not worth fighting for is Spencer. Holly Montag surprises Heidi by inviting their mother to LA. When Heidi asks Spencer if he’s excited, he answers, “I’m overwhelmed with excitement and happiness.” He looks like he wants to jump out the window. Darlene Montag is a force to be reckoned with. Darlene and Spencer go out for lunch, probably because the girls are busy with jobs or lives. Finally, someone is there to put Spencer in his place. Their dinner went something like this:
Darlene: “I think you’re very controlling and manipulative…I think you’re condensing, rude and hostile right now.”
Spencer: “I’ve done nothing wrong in my opinion.”

How many times has he said that! Mrs. Montag voices her concerns to Heidi, explaining that Spencer is very rude and she doesn’t like them living together. Heidi gets mad and admits that she didn’t want her mom knowing they were living together again since she knew this would happen. Darlene begins to cry, claiming that the two never used to fight like this and now she is scared of losing Heidi. First her best-friend, then her sister, now her mother, who is Spencer going to cut off next?

As the head of the Anti-Lauren Conrad campaign, Spencer Pratt does everything to cut ties with her including give up his best friend and his sister. Now, he is hoping to add member to his army, Holly Montag. As he explains to her, the #1 rule of the Speidi Household is NO Fraternizing with Lauren. Who is he, her father? Creeeepy. Like most people, Holly ignores Spencer’s crazy talk and calls up Lauren Conrad to meet up. Smart girl knows that she’d rather have LC on her side rather than Spencer. LC agrees to meet up with her and the two catch up at the bistro, Amandine Patisserie. Turns out LC and Holly are old friends and along with Heidi Montag, used to be so tight that they called themselves the ‘three musketeers.’ Dumas would turn over in his grave.

However, Heidi Montag is upset when Holly admits to her rendezvous with Lauren. When Heidi questions her loyalty, Holly quickly declares herself on Heidi’s side, but explains that when they used to all hang out, both Heidi and Lauren were like her little sisters. Unlike Spencer, Heidi does not black list her sister for hanging with the enemy. Instead, we finally see some humanity in Heidi as she admits that she does miss Lauren’s friendship since they have a “little time of fighting, but years of friendship.” Holly’s encouraging words: “nothing’s beyond repair” seem to work on Heidi as she ponders, “maybe one day by a miracle we’ll be friends again.” As Holly tries to push Heidi towards a friendship with LC, Whitney Port is discussing the same possibility with Lauren. Lauren explains that Holly is the most positive person she knows and is happy she is in Heidi’s life. Hmm, is Holly trying to rival Whitney’s good girl status? LC does miss Heidi as she tells Whitney, “You always miss a best friend.”

Seems like Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad are back on the best friendship road this episode as Lauren provides support for Audrina during an event that she plans. Kristen Loretta, the publicist for Epic Records, asks Audrina to set up a showcase for The White Tie Affair at The Roosevelt Hotel. It is up to Audrina as “the Epic girl” to ensure that the event runs smoothly and that the after party is packed, especially since the President of Epic Records, Charlie Walk, will be there. She invites Lauren who arrives with Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt. See, even Lo is there to support Audrina. Okay, maybe she’s just there for the free show… and to annoy her. She knows that Justin is a sensitive topic but still asks Audrina if Justin is coming. LC quickly intervenes: “Way to be a buzz kill.” Justin had promised Audrina he would come, telling her that if she needs him there, he’ll be there. Even his hair is slicked back this episode and since he actually looks human, I trusted him. Of course he has to disappoint. Audrina admits that she knows not to invest her feelings or trust… or to expect anything from him. Hmmm… that makes for a great relationship. Good luck taming JBobby, Audrina.

Whitney Port finally has her own storyline and the Hills cameras are there to capture every quasi-scripted moment. However, Whitney shouldn’t worry about MTV stealing the rights to her life since her boss at People’s Revolution has already done that. Whitney informs Lauren Conrad that she has to go to NYC pronto since “when [Kelly Cutrone] wants you she wants you.” Kelly Cutrone is not only in charge of Whitney’s work life, she also takes control of her love life. During a photo shoot in NYC, Kelly informs her that it’s fine to ask the male models to drop their pants and take off their shirts. Hmm, can I get that job? Alex, one of the models, stands out from the rest as both he and Whitney had gone to USC. Kelly picks up on their vibe and asks Alex to have drinks with them that night. It seems that Kelly wants a piece of the action too. However, she later phones Whitney to inform her that she can’t make it. “No one’s coming, it’s just you and me,” Whitney tells Alex. He doesn’t seem phased and proposes a walking tour of the city. Alex tries to convince Whitney that NYC is amazing. I guess selling your soul for a hot male model with a degree isn’t so bad. Plus think of all the air miles she’s getting.

Back in LA, Lauren Conrad’s love life is taking an opposite turn. She admits to Whitney that the spark between her and Doug just isn’t there. When Whitney gives her advice on how to end it, Lauren retorts “how would you like to be dumped?” She has a similar conversation with Brody where she admits that her type of guy is one she’s already dated. However, unlike Whitney, Brody’s helpful comments involve “I told you so” and “can we talk about us getting naked tonight!” She sure knows how to pick ‘em. Doug seems to be a passing fad. However, rather than answer any of Doug’s calls, LC pulls a Heidi and decides to ignore them. However, she finally stops by his place and has a heart-to-heart. Oddly enough, Doug looks much better when he’s getting dumped than when he’s getting some. He tells LC that he’s treated her like a princess and then agrees to stay good friends.

LC also decides to stop by Stephanie Pratt’s place where she voices the line all girls should take note of: “I’ve waited too long to pick the wrong guy… you don’t settle.” I guess Heidi didn’t get that memo. But Stephanie wins the award for dumbest chick this episode when she fully convinces herself that her guinea pig is a hamster. When LC tries to point out the facts, a confused Stephanie explains that her pet used to be a hamster but is now a guinea pig.

Instead of buying herself a much needed encyclopedia, Stephanie arrives at Spencer’s place with peace-offering-presents. The presents only slightly melt Spencer’s frozen heart. He laughs at Stephanie and tells her “you want you, me, and LC to all be friends?” Earlier that week, Spencer had told Heidi during dinner that he would never talk to Stephanie again. Heidi tells him that she misses Stephanie and then proceeds to drink a lot of wine, which is what she usually does around him. I don’t blame her. Especially when halfway through dinner, Spencer looks at his watch and announces “time to get in bed and cuddle my dear.”