By Galen Simmons
By the time this letter reaches you, Troy’s blanket fort has probably seceded from Abed’s pillow fort. Greendale has divided its loyalties along said line, and a conflict of unimaginable proportions has taken place.
General Shirley has won quite a few battles for Troy, but for all her victories, General Pierce seemed to shoot back with his own triumphs. The ever-diplomatic Jeff has been encouraging the feather-shed (get it? Blood-shed?) for his own self-interest, while Annie has been nursing the countless wounded.
There is peace for now, brokered by Dean Pelton, but for how long? All I can do now is hope I live to see another day, but, alas, if I don’t make it home alive, please take comfort in these out of focus, poorly framed battlefield pictures taken by Britta.
P.S. Five things I learned from last night’s episode of Community “Pillows and Blankets” are…
1) When it comes to pillow fighting, the Changlorious Bastards are a force to be reckoned with. When unleashed upon Abed by Troy and led by General Chang, the Changlorious Bastards turned the tide of war. Their youth gave them an advantage over the regular infantry, as most of the regular infantry hadn’t fought a pillow fight since they were young. Only history will tell of the atrocities unleashed by the Changlorious Bastards.
2) General Pierce’s Pillow Suit might have saved countless lives on Abed’s side. The suit allowed Abed, for a time, to defend his soldiers against the infamous Changlorious Bastards. Unfortunately, at the last battle before the peace treaty, General Pierce was struck down by the Bastards. If the war had continued, Abed wouldn’t have stood a chance without the Pillow Suit. Read more…
By Galen Simmons
After what seemed like an ETERNITY, The Greendale Seven returned to finish their
third season fourth semester. It wasn’t the big shebang we were all expecting, in fact the episode was relatively normal. But I still enjoyed it.
Despite rumours of the show’s cancellation, last night’s episode, “Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts,” centered on Shirley’s remarriage to Andre. With Jeff and Britta organizing the wedding (and getting sloshed in the process), Annie meddling in Pierce and Shirley’s idea to open a cafe in the cafeteria, and Troy and Abed just trying to be normal for once, I’m surprised Shirley’s wedding rehearsal wasn’t an even bigger disaster.
Here’s what you need to know about last night’s episode:
1) Shirley apparently learned something at Greendale. Yes, I was shocked too. Not only does she have the skills to own and operate a sandwich shop while balancing her schoolwork and a family, but Greendale miraculously taught her something worthwhile. Too bad Subway always wins… Oh one more thing. That sing-a-long voice Shirley always does? Apparently that’s her “sexy” voice.
2) Troy and Abed’s failed attempt to be “normal” is more terrifying than anything they’ve done before…. and that’s including their architecturally-brilliant blanket fort. Their version of normal isn’t connected to reality, causing them to get on everyone’s nerves.
3) Jeff and Britta have problems… Serious problems. But I guess we all knew that.
4) Pierce doesn’t know anything about starting a business, which isn’t surprising since he goes to Greendale. He was born into the lucrative family-business Hawthorne Wipes, so he has no idea how to start and run something as simple as a sandwich shop, leaving him and his fortune at the mercy of Shirley’s newfound business bliss. Pierce only wants to prove to his long-dead father that he’s worth something. Is that too much to ask?
5) Annie is OBSESSED with weddings. She even has a
creepy frilly scrapbook of wedding ideas that she randomly keeps in her bag. Unfortunately, she’s shunned as the wedding organizer in favour of Britta’s shameful and hereditary homemaking skills. Maybe she’ll have a wedding of her own to plan later in the series… though I don’t know who could put up with her brown nosing.