Will is back in Lima and all the original glee members have returned for the wedding, which results in some surprising Valentine’s Day pairings.
Here’s what you missed on last night’s episode, “I Do”:
Runaway Bride – Emma had been in OCD overdrive in the weeks leading up to the wedding. While everyone, including Will, chalked it up to the demands of being a bride, the stress of possibly having another failed wedding was just too much (I’m sure Sue showing up in a replica of her dress didn’t help either) and she ended up running for the hills. Not a great way for Mr. Schuester to celebrate his return.
Valentine’s Week – As if a day wasn’t enough. Jake was dry when it came to ideas for a gift for Marley, so he enlisted the help of Ryder to make the entire week special. The only problem was that Ryder still has feelings for Marley, so Jake got all the glory while he got all the heartbreak. Marley is a smart girl and figured out that the ideas were coming from him, and when she said thank you, she gave a kiss in return. Poor Ryder! I know Marley’s taken, but I’m not! Come cry on MY shoulder!
Tina is officially a hag – Read more…
By Kelly O’Brien
Things are not only rocky for Finn and Rachel, but for Kurt and Blaine, Santana and Brittany, Mr. Schuester and Emma and, and… okay that’s it.
Here’s what you need to know from last night’s episode, “Break Up.”
New York is not for Finn — Finn is back and Rachel is ready to do whatever it takes to keep him in New York. But after a night at Callbacks (a bar where college parties are more karaoke than kegs) and a taste of Rachel’s life at NYADA, he realizes that it’s not the place for him. He heads back to McKinley to “find himself,” which I think is a good move. Nobody is more welcoming of confused teenagers than Mr. Schue and the glee club.
Will is going to Washington — Mr. Schuester is ecstatic to learn that he’ll be heading to Washington to join the Blue Ribbon Panel. Emma, however, doesn’t want to tag along. She loves her job at McKinley and doesn’t want to leave it to follow Will to Washington. I think it’s totally understandable that she refuses to leave, and Will shouldn’t expect her to. After all, if she goes with him who’s going to make sure the glee club stays afloat?
Nobody wants to get Left Behind — Read more…
By Kelly O’Brien
This week, Brittany and Blaine battle it out for Student Body President and Sarah Jessica Parker guest stars as Kurt’s boss at Vogue, Isabelle Klempt.
Here’s what you need to know from last night’s episode, “Makeover”:
1. Blaine’s running for office — Blaine decides to challenge Brittany for her spot as McKinley High’s student body president and chooses Sam AKA Trouty Mouth as his running mate. As soon as Blaine strips off his bow tie and Sam just strips (allowing a brief moment for everyone to appreciate those abs), it was clear that they had the election in the bag.
2. Kurt’s going Vogue — After being out of Ohio for what seems like two minutes, Kurt lands an internship at Vogue.com under editor Isabelle Klempt, played by Ms. New Yorker herself, Sarah Jessica Parker. SJP and NYC go hand in hand, so who better to take Kurt under her wing and show him the ropes? I think this job is perfect for Kurt. Anyone who can rock a hippo brooch belongs at Vogue.
3. Mr. Schuester has a new dream — With a national championship under his belt, Mr. Schuester decides he would make a great addition to the Blue Ribbon Government Panel to put arts back into schools. It would be amazing to give other schools a shot at belting out Journey or Florence, but this job requires him to leave McKinley and I do NOT approve. Glee without Schuester is like Rachel without her voice — it’s just not right.
4. Blaine and Kurt are drifting — Read more…
By Jasmine Williams
In this week’s episode, JWoww celebrates her birthday by eating herself in cake form. Then, the girls go to a sex museum and learn that deer have threesomes and pee their pants getting scared by ninjas at a Japanese restaurant in New York City. So just a regular day.
Here’s what I learned on this week’s episode of Snooki and JWoww ”It Looks Like a Meatball.”
1. Roger’s a big bully. I know I was singing Roger’s praises last week but in this episode, I couldn’t help but feel like his so-called friendly “ball-busting” of Jionni got a little mean. He’s short, we get it. But you know that friend who always takes a joke just a tad too far? Admittedly, singing the Oompa-Loompa song, when Snooki and Jionni got in the car was funny, and yes, their kid has a very small chance of making the NBA someday. But it seemed that Roger took any and every opportunity to drive that fact home, even when Snooki was visibly upset. Not cool man.
2. JWoww knows how to bargain. As the girls are getting settled into their new home, much of this episode consisted of them going from store to store looking for fabric and wallpaper. While I’m scared of what their place is going to like, as Snooki said that she wants her room be covered in animal print and “very tacky,” I must admit that I can learn a thing or two from JWoww. A pouty face and a bat of the lashes and she brought their purchase down almost 50%. Girl’s got some skills.
By Jasmine Williams
The second episode picks up exactly where the first left off, with JWoww still attempting to process Snooki’s big news but deciding to move in anyway, despite knowing nothing about what living with a pregnant chick might entail. Or anything about what’s on the lease for that matter. Sigh.
Here’s what I learned on this week’s episode of Snooki and JWoww “Sorry Neighbours, Cause These Bitches Are Moving In.”
1. Roger is the best. Honestly, I never thought much of Roger on Jersey Shore. He just seemed like a guy who had his act together and seemed to balance Jenni’s admittedly bitchy tendencies. But so far on Snooki and J-Woww, he has truly proven himself to be a great boyfriend. Despite disagreeing with Jenni’s choices to move in with Snooki, he supports her wholeheartedly, carrying her luggage in and never getting in her way. They also have a very cute banter that’s not super lovey-dovey and nauseating but just shows how they’re on the same page with each other. And when he tried to teach her to drive manual in his truck, it was priceless. That’s trust right there.
2. But JWoww needs to calm down. Despite her tough girl attitude, JWoww definitely has some insecurity that she needs to work on. When Roger and Jionni were joking about his future bachelorette party, she was against him even going. And now the joke she made in Ep. 1 about having his dick above her fireplace doesn’t seem so funny. Relax Jenni! Roger’s a good guy and he’s not going anywhere, but he will if you try to put him on such a short leash. But maybe she’s just moody because it’s her birthday and Jionni put a ring on it before Roger did.
3. Jionni and Snooki are really, really short. Obviously that goes without saying, but this episode really drove that fact home. When Snooki had to give her fiancé a boost to help him get luggage into the back of their SUV, it was like two Smurfs… well trying, to get luggage into an SUV. And standing next to Roger and JWoww, Snooki and Jionni really do look pint-sized. But Jionni’s a good sport and laughs off Roger’s constant short jokes. And with Snooki being only 4’9”, it makes sense that she’d be with a guy that’s not too much taller than her. And it may even be a good omen for her; we all remember how Kim and Kris worked out.
By Jasmine Williams
First there was the Pauly D Project. Now, there’s the inevitable Snooki and JWoww spinoff show appropriately (albeit unoriginally) titled Snooki & JWoww. The premise? Both girls want to have one last hurrah before settling down with their respective beaus. While the first episode was pretty lackluster compared to a booze-soaked episode of Jersey Shore, having a pregnant Snooki and JWoww living under one roof will certainly be an interesting situation (no pun intended).
Here’s what I learned on the premier of Snooki and J-Woww:
1) Despite being a 24-year-old gajillionaire, Snooki still lives at home with her parents. She also doesn’t do her own laundry, cook for herself, buy groceries, and does not even know what a utility bill is let alone paid one. And J-Woww wants to move in with her why? As her boyfriend Roger pointed out, the only thing Snooki actually knows how to do is get white-girl wasted. Which something tells me doesn’t exactly get the chores done.
2) The real estate market in Jersey City kinda sucks. Besides the eye candy that was their tardy real estate agent Victor, the girls’ apartment search wasn’t much to write home about at first. With 100-year-old buildings, beds that “smell like grandmas” and creepy, shirtless next door neighbours, the first couple of place were pretty awful. But it has to get worse before it gets better, right? And by better I mean a beautiful converted firehouse that’s probably bigger than my parent’s house. Sorry, Mom and Dad, but I’m dropping out of school and becoming a reality star. Like tomorrow.
3) Reality stars don’t tell their best friends about their pregnancies and engagements right away like normal people. Read more…
I love summer. I mean, how can you not? The beautiful weather, the breezy clothes and the return of So You Think You Can Dance! Although the Canadian version was cancelled (I’ll try not to hold it against you, Nigel), the original is back on prime time for its ninth season!
Here are the most memorable moments from the season premiere of “So You Think You Can Dance”:
1) The show started appropriately with its New York City auditions. The first featured dancer was Amelia Lowe, a young spritely thing who is a dead ringer for Louise Brooks and has a love for all things 1920s. She danced a routine to Non, Je ne Regrette Rien by Edith Piaf (yes, that song from Inception) that sent her straight through to Vegas.
Last night I didn’t intend to watch So You Think You Can Dance but then they sucked me in like they always do and were CRUEL to me. My cry count ended up being a whopping three and I felt the tears coming at other points in the night too.
One of my shameless cry-fests happened when 29-year-old mother and dancer Bree Hafen auditioned for the judges. Of course, she retold her touching story about putting dance on the back burner while she was raising her two beautiful children. Although she feels guilty, she decided to take some time to realize her true potential [cue violins].
That had me going already, but then Nigel had to go and invite her two adorable kids to the judging panel so they could properly watch their mom perform and cheer for her while she danced to Ingrid Michaelson’s “So What.”
I’m not done. After they handed her a plane ticket to Las Vegas they let her two-year-old toddler dance on stage and she was beyond ADORBZ. She wore a pink tutu and made pretty much everyone cry, including Mary Murphy and Lil C (well, Lil C on the inside). It’s G-rated, Hallmark entertainment at its best.
Watch it here:
I don’t know what NBC and Sony execs have been drinking these days, but it can’t be good. First, they back-benched Community mid-season, moved it from Thursday to Friday next season, and now have fired creator Dan Harmon from his own show.
How do I feel about this move? Let me explain in .gif form first:
To be blunt, Harmon is the heart of Community. His hand on approach has shaped the comedy into an absurd, meta half an hour of greatness. Yes, there have been some duds in their three seasons, but the good always outweighs the bad. Just think back to the paintball episodes of seasons’ past, and this year’s Remedial Chaos Theory episode. Hell, I was peeing myself with last Thursday’s first of three episodes, Digital Estate Planning. IT WAS IN 8-BIT. WHO DOES THAT?
Dan Harmon does. What a shame that he will probably have zero input in next season’s development according to Harmon’s latest Tumblr post. While he’s signed on to be a consulting producer, it doesn’t mean anyone has to listen to him. How sad because I can’t see anyone being able to shape and mould insane story lines like Harmon can.
#sixseasonsandamovie? While it may be too early to call it, I’d rather they Firefly my favourite show and end it. I’d rather not watch stars Joe McHale, Donald Glover, and friends go down with a sinking ship.
By Galen Simmons
COMMUNITY OVERLOAD. Last night was one of the most exciting nights of television I’ve witnessed since last year’s finale week… funny how that works. As per usual, Community came out swinging with three, count ‘em, three new episodes.
The first episode seemed a little out of place in the community timeline since the Greendale study group waskicked out of school two weeks ago, yet by the end of the episode, Troy and Abed clearly found their way back to the study room. Ignoring that, however, “Digital Estate Planning” made excellent use of thevideo game motif, wherein the study group had to help Pierce win part of his inheritance by beating a video game designed by his father.
The next episode, “The First Chang Dynasty,” saw the collapse of Chang’s reign over Greendale, through a very cleverly-designed heist put together by the study group. Near the end of the episode, the heist went wrong and the study group landed in Chang’s prison, necessitating that Troy forfeit himself to the Air Conditioning Repair Annex to allow for the study group’s release.
In the final chapter of Community for the night and for the season, “Introduction to Finality,” Shirley and Pierce fight over ownership of their soon-to-be established sandwich kiosk (Subway left for some reason), while Vice Dean Leybourne tries to get Troy excited about attending the Air Conditioning Repair Annex, and Britta tries to help Abed come to terms with losing Troy. Long story short, Jeff struggles to decide between defending Shirley in “Greendale Summer Fun Court” or keeping his job at his old law firm, Abed loses his mind and body to “Bad Abed,” and Troy solves the murder of Leybourne and becomes the Truest Repairman. Never fear though, everything we love about Community was Read more…
By Galen Simmons
For your consideration, I submit to you seven ex-Greendale Community College students: Jeff, Britta, Shirley, Annie, Pierce, Troy, and Abed. They found out last night that the school they attended for the past three years (13 in Pierce’s case) only existed in their minds. Greendale is actually the name of the mental institution they were all patients in, up until their recent release.
But all is not what it seems. Were the Greendale Seven really patients at a mental hospital, or was this part of some dastardly plot by the school’s head of security to keep them from uncovering the dean’s disappearance and subsequent replacement?
Oddly enough, it’s the latter of the two, even though the mental hospital’s explanation makes a lot more sense and would explain some of the people who attended Greendale as their classmates / fellow patients.
With that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode, “Curriculum Unavailable.”
1) John Hodgman makes a very convincing fake psychiatrist. For most of the episode, he had me convinced that all three seasons of Community were just delusions of seven mental patients. OK, fine, maybe I wasn’t completely convinced, but is it so wrong to want to believe your favourite show would end with exactly the same twist as Shutter Island (movie-spoiler if you haven’t seen it, but if you haven’t, I’m very disappointed)?
2) Pierce is becoming senile. Even a fake psychiatrist could see that. He’s slow to react, rude, and forgetful, and that was all before the senility began to sink in. Now it seems like Pierce has the potential to forget he was talking to someone in mid-conversation or even in mid-sentence. But I guess everyone is little crazy-town-banana-pants sometimes. Read more…
By Galen Simmons
Today we mourn the passing of one Alex “Starburns” Osbourne, whose life was tragically cut short by a mobile meth lab explosion. Alex was remembered today by his fellow classmates at Greendale Community College. The students took the news of Starburn’s death as a sign of the futility of the education provided by the school. A wave of discontent and violence overtook the crowd at the memorial, led by the infamous Greendale Seven.
Using the violence as an excuse, head of security Chang coerced the Dean into allowing emergency police-state powers, which allowed Chang and his pre-teen police force to unleash a wave of their own violence.
This ultimately led to a secret takeover of the school by Chang, who replaced Dean Pelton with a compliant look-a-like. When the dust finally settled, the Greendale Seven had been expelled and the future of Greendale was placed in doubt.
With that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode, “Course Listing Unavailable.”
1) Troy doesn’t deal with death well. Apparently he has avoided the subject his entire life. At the mere mention of Starburn’s passing, Troy has a mini breakdown. Apparently, Troy also thinks Jeff can prevent people from dying by never finishing his sentence, all because Jeff said 100 people had died by the time he finished talking.
2) Starburns was prepared to die for some time. He filmed and edited a video will, and for some reason, had given Abed and Troy power of attorney. The video will also had extra action footage, for Abed and Troy to splice into the will for extra zazz. Nothing’s more exciting than a video will set to heavy rock music and the deceased acting in badly produced action scenes. Read more…
By Galen Simmons
In the criminal justice system at Greendale, there are two types of people; those who cause trouble and those who try to bring the troublemakers to justice. This is a story of the latter.
The crime scene is Greendale’s biology lab, where a yam (alias Sweet Potato) had been brutally dropped on the floor and stepped on. The case was time-sensitive, as the Greendale study group charged with solving the crime had to prove someone sabotaged their biology project by class on the following day.
The case was a tough one, possibly the toughest of their careers. But with special investigators Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir beating the pavement for hard evidence and district attorney Jeff Winger fighting for the chance to plead the case to the biology class, it should have been an open and shut case. Instead, Sargent Annie Edison and her team uncovered a plot to take down the yams of an entire biology class in the Case of the Smashed Yam.
With that in mind, five things I learned on last night’s episode, “Basic Lupine Urology” are:
1) Starburns is dead. Or maybe he’s not, we’ll have to wait until next episode. But for now, let’s remember him as he was, a conscientious young student who worked hard in school, had a minor kleptomania problem, and whose life was tragically cut short by a freak meth-lab explosion in the trunk of his car. Who’s to say it couldn’t happen to any one of us?
2) Apparently the United States army takes time out of its busy schedule to defend its former soldiers in front of their community college biology classes in cases where yams and honour are involved. I can’t be sure the army defends solely in cases with yams, but I’ve yet to see an instance without one. Read more…
By Galen Simmons
During last night’s episode, the study group was doing some pitiful last-minute cramming before a test none of them prepared for. In perfect Greendale fashion, the dean, who was dressed like a transvestite who hadn’t quite gone all the way, announced that their test was moved.
Instead of using the time they were given to study, the Greendale study group took advantage of the extra time by doing whatever the hell they felt like. While Jeff, Pierce, and Shirley went off to do whatever, Annie’s meddling combined with the newfound free time convinced Troy and Britta to have lunch together. Harmless enough, right? Wrong. At the prospect of losing Troy to Britta, Abed lost his purpose in the group and imprisoned himself in his own imagination/dreamatorium.
With Troy out to lunch, Annie had to pick her way through Abed’s imagination to help him to realize that his identity within the group was not solely attached to Troy, and that the group would still need him if Troy started dating Britta.
With that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode of Community, “Virtual Systems Analysis.”
1) Abed needs professional psychiatric help… I guess we knew that, but last night it was more apparent than ever. If Annie hadn’t found a way to release Abed from his own imagination, he might have been stuck impersonating his friends in the dreamatorium for a long time. I’m not sure what the professional term for that is, but I know for sure that it can’t be healthy.
2) Not only did Abed realize that he has individual worth in the group, Annie realized she has a control complex, very similar to Abed’s. Abed was afraid of losing his friends, so he scripted his life in every possible situation he could think of, so as to avoid that happening. Annie wants to eventually end up with Jeff, and to do that she (subconsciously at first) set up Troy and Britta on a lunch date. She thought this would shift the group mentality to something more relationship-based, which might, in the end, push Jeff into her arms. Not to mention it would get Britta out of the way. Read more…
By Galen Simmons
Things at Greendale are settling down after the great pillow war and the school is once again relatively peaceful. With little going on at the school itself, the group turns their attention to Britta’s hang-up with her brain-damaged carnie of an ex-boyfriend, Blade, who just so happens to be coming to town with the carnival.
Annie, Troy, and Abed treat Britta like an addict to keep her from relapsing and calling Blade. Meanwhile, Jeff and Shirley confront the dud at the carnival so Jeff can learn the true secret of having women get hung up on him.
Pierce briefly becomes best friends with Chang through musical montage and Dean Pelton is coerced by the dean of the Air Conditioning Repair Annex in a desperate and foolish bid to convince Troy to sign up for air conditioning repair classes.
With that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode of Community, “Origins of Vampire Mythology.”
1) The fastest, easiest way to get women who hate themselves hung up on you is to suffer brain damage and lose your sense of shame. Whether that brain damage stems from a faulty carnival ride or something falling from the sky and hitting you on the head, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you no longer have the need to prove anything to anybody, including yourself. Maybe Jeff should try the whole brain damage thing. How much more damage could really be done to that whacked-out, egocentric psyche of his anyways? Read more…
By Galen Simmons
Dearest Mother,
By the time this letter reaches you, Troy’s blanket fort has probably seceded from Abed’s pillow fort. Greendale has divided its loyalties along said line, and a conflict of unimaginable proportions has taken place.
General Shirley has won quite a few battles for Troy, but for all her victories, General Pierce seemed to shoot back with his own triumphs. The ever-diplomatic Jeff has been encouraging the feather-shed (get it? Blood-shed?) for his own self-interest, while Annie has been nursing the countless wounded.
There is peace for now, brokered by Dean Pelton, but for how long? All I can do now is hope I live to see another day, but, alas, if I don’t make it home alive, please take comfort in these out of focus, poorly framed battlefield pictures taken by Britta.
Yours truly,
Galen.
P.S. Five things I learned from last night’s episode of Community “Pillows and Blankets” are…
1) When it comes to pillow fighting, the Changlorious Bastards are a force to be reckoned with. When unleashed upon Abed by Troy and led by General Chang, the Changlorious Bastards turned the tide of war. Their youth gave them an advantage over the regular infantry, as most of the regular infantry hadn’t fought a pillow fight since they were young. Only history will tell of the atrocities unleashed by the Changlorious Bastards.
2) General Pierce’s Pillow Suit might have saved countless lives on Abed’s side. The suit allowed Abed, for a time, to defend his soldiers against the infamous Changlorious Bastards. Unfortunately, at the last battle before the peace treaty, General Pierce was struck down by the Bastards. If the war had continued, Abed wouldn’t have stood a chance without the Pillow Suit. Read more…
By Galen Simmons
I knew something like this would happen, I just didn’t know it would happen so soon. After last night’s episode, Troy and Abed have declared war on one another, threatening the very fabric that holds Greendale together. While Annie and Jeff struggle to come to terms with gender issues, and Shirley and Pierce meddle in Britta’s love affair with a personified sandwich shop, Troy and Abed’s friendship is torn apart in the wake of a pillow versus blanket fort competition.
Seeing his advantage, Vice Dean Laybourne (guest star John Goodman) takes the opportunity to secretly push the boys farther apart, in hopes that Troy is pushed away from Abed and toward the Air Conditioning Repair Annex.
So, with that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode “Digital Exploration of Interior Design.”
1) Subway is involved in some sort of KGB-style advertising. They’ve placed an agent in Greendale to ensure that their sandwich shop is legitimate within Greendale’s bylaws. The agent, as far as he or anyone else in Greendale knows, has no identity other than Subway. He doesn’t remember his former life, he can’t fraternize with the student body, and he can’t show real human emotion. To top it off, when code name “Subway” is compromised by Britta’s feminine wiles, he is “disappeared” by an unknown agent from Subway headquarters.
2) Jeff seems to be narcissistic to the point of senility. Apparently, if your name does not relate well to your gender, Jeff will probably not remember meeting you, even after ten introductions over the space of a year. It’s sad really. Jeff didn’t even remember meeting Kim, after spending the entire episode trying to make amends for being inconsiderate.
3) Pierce has an ink problem. No, he doesn’t have an addiction to getting tattoos. Instead, Pierce has taken to drinking the ink out of pens. I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think consuming ink on a regular basis can be good for anyone. I think he needs to be a case study on My Strange Addiction.
4) Abed is a much better architect than Troy. When war first broke out, both Troy’s blanket fort and Abed’s pillow fort took some serious hits. While Troy’s blanket fort all but collapsed under fire, Abed’s pillow fort was able to maintain structural stability despite losing some support pillows. Something tells me Troy should have put more buttresses in.
5) John Goodman looks awesome with a ponytail and a beard. He’s like some sort of air conditioning repair Jedi master.
By Galen Simmons
Happy New Year… in March. Last night’s episode of Community was surprisingly narrow in focus for once. The episode centred around Abed’s apparent addiction to celebrity impersonators, mixed with a dash of Britta trying to save Jeff from his own mental problems. Shirley, Annie, and Pierce did not really factor into the episode at all, other than being the butt of a few celebrity look-a-like jokes.
So, five things I learned from last night’s episode “Contemporary Impressionists” are:
1) Abed is an addict. He’s also sociopathic, but that’s not the point… or maybe it is, I don’t know, I’m not a psych major. Either way, Abed almost had his legs broken because of his addiction to celebrity impersonators last night, yet he didn’t seem to care. Britta’s planning to take him on as a case study for her psych class, but I think Jeff would be an easier choice, and that’s saying a lot.
2) Jeff still has problems, the latest of which can be metaphorically summed up by an expanding apple. While trying to save Abed from the consequences of his debt to the celebrity impersonator mafia, Jeff’s ego is left unchecked and is eventually enhanced by the anti-anxiety meds he’s taking. Dressed as Ryan Seacrest at a bar mitzvah, Jeff is told again and again that he’s better looking than the guy who’s sort of famous for being good looking. The apple that is Jeff’s ego finally consumes him, leaving him mentally broken by the side of a road for Britta to pick up.
Watch it here:
3) Troy may not put up with Abed’s antics much longer. He was so upset with his roommate’s latest escapade that he had to convince Abed to give up his free will in certain situations to prevent him from getting into situations that could cause anyone bodily harm. If Abed can’t mend his ways, we may see a splitting of friends in episodes to come. And I don’t know if I can take that.
4) Britta’s psych classes at Greendale require her to study and diagnose her mentally unstable friends. I suppose if I were in psych and had six nutball friends as examples of unhealthy psyches, I would probably pick up the ability to diagnose people’s mental disorders as quick as Britta did.
5) Dean Pelton is so susceptible to Jeff’s anxiety-medicated swagger force field that he ends up writhing on the ground, half in pleasure, half in pain. Never underestimate the power of aviator sunglasses and a beard.
By Galen Simmons
After what seemed like an ETERNITY, The Greendale Seven returned to finish their third season fourth semester. It wasn’t the big shebang we were all expecting, in fact the episode was relatively normal. But I still enjoyed it.
Despite rumours of the show’s cancellation, last night’s episode, “Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts,” centered on Shirley’s remarriage to Andre. With Jeff and Britta organizing the wedding (and getting sloshed in the process), Annie meddling in Pierce and Shirley’s idea to open a cafe in the cafeteria, and Troy and Abed just trying to be normal for once, I’m surprised Shirley’s wedding rehearsal wasn’t an even bigger disaster.
Here’s what you need to know about last night’s episode:
1) Shirley apparently learned something at Greendale. Yes, I was shocked too. Not only does she have the skills to own and operate a sandwich shop while balancing her schoolwork and a family, but Greendale miraculously taught her something worthwhile. Too bad Subway always wins… Oh one more thing. That sing-a-long voice Shirley always does? Apparently that’s her “sexy” voice.
2) Troy and Abed’s failed attempt to be “normal” is more terrifying than anything they’ve done before…. and that’s including their architecturally-brilliant blanket fort. Their version of normal isn’t connected to reality, causing them to get on everyone’s nerves.
3) Jeff and Britta have problems… Serious problems. But I guess we all knew that.
4) Pierce doesn’t know anything about starting a business, which isn’t surprising since he goes to Greendale. He was born into the lucrative family-business Hawthorne Wipes, so he has no idea how to start and run something as simple as a sandwich shop, leaving him and his fortune at the mercy of Shirley’s newfound business bliss. Pierce only wants to prove to his long-dead father that he’s worth something. Is that too much to ask?
5) Annie is OBSESSED with weddings. She even has a creepy frilly scrapbook of wedding ideas that she randomly keeps in her bag. Unfortunately, she’s shunned as the wedding organizer in favour of Britta’s shameful and hereditary homemaking skills. Maybe she’ll have a wedding of her own to plan later in the series… though I don’t know who could put up with her brown nosing.
