Ryan Lochte has been getting a lot of attention for his new reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do? and the response – especially of the news media – has not been all that favourable…which is understandable since he says things like “If you’re a man at night, you have to be a man in the morning.”
The confusing one liners of the Olympic gold-medalist landed him on Anderson Coopers “The Ridiculist” after an internet genius mashed up his catch phrase with Usher’s smash hit “Yeah.”
I think this video is proof enough that Ryan Lochte needs to stay in the pool and off the television – and keep his mouth shut as often as possible.
Fox29 anchors Sheinelle Jones and Mike Jerrick couldn’t keep it together after interviewing Olympic swimmer and new reality star Ryan Lochte. I don’t blame them because how can you when you get answers like these: “I’m a man at night and I’m a man in the morning,” or, “There’s a mirror with a sink and there’s the bathroom.”
Oh bless you, Ryan Lochte. You precious thing. You’re really attractive one minute and then it’s all gone the next once you open your mouth. I can’t wait to see what you have in store for us in your new show, What Would Ryan Lochte Do?
Ryan Lochte is like a gift that keeps giving.
In an efforts to keep him relevant between the Olympics, the Olympic swimmer’s new E! reality show What Would Ryan Lochte Do? is set to premiere on April 21.
While just under a month away, E! has just released a four minute sneak peek into Lochte’s world. Obviously, the preview is full of Lochte-isms we could only expect from the swimmer, including a quick lesson on how to say “Jeah!” and a night out on the town.
While the women come to him at the bars, I can’t help but giggle as one of the women he flirts with asks, “Does this work for everybody?” He techniques may suck, but as we soon find out that he is indeed looking for love.
Will he find it? We’ll have to watch to find out!
ESPN went the musical route for the famed sports outlet’s magazine version this month. But to keep in touch with their roots, they decided to recreate famous album covers with some famous athletes. Soccer player Alex Morgan sits pretty as Katy Perry, sprinter Allyson Felix gets bootylicious as Beyoncé and Ryan Lochte is the baby from Nirvana’s Nevermind album.
Yes, you read that right and yes, Nirvana and Ryan Lochte were i the same sentence.
Here’s his ESPN photo:
and here’s the original:
Thankfully, and unlike his baby counterpart, Lochte did not drop trou for the occasion but he did managed to get a pretty spot on baby expression. Actually, who are we kidding? Lochte only has two facial expressions: utter confusion and stupid confidence. No wonder he nails it.
HIT: Ryan Lochte gets his own reality show
In an attempt to ensure he stays relevant between now and the next summer Olympics, swimmer Ryan Lochte has inked a reality show deal with E!. The news hardly comes as a surprise as the American swimmer has been pretty vocal about getting into showbiz post-swimming career, even landing guest roles on 90210 and 30 Rock. Expect to hear more head scratching quotes, blank stares and yells of “Jeah!” coming from your TV when Lochte’s show airs in April.
Soon after a photo of Justin Bieber smoking what many assume to be weed surfaced, #cutforbieber began trending on Twitter “in support” of the Biebs. I hope it’s just a terrible, tasteless 4Chan joke because self-harming is a very serious issue and shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you do know of anyone who feels as if they are stuck in this kind of situation, please urge them to talk to someone. There are many resources (like this one) that are readily available and willing to listen.
HIT: Taylor Swift and Harry Styles broke up
I hate to say it but I told you so. While the relationship was as brief as ever, their break-up (which happened while the two were on a holiday in the Carribean) is telling of how Taylor and Harry deal with “grief” respectively. It looks as if Taylor must leave the situation immediately so she can probably to write a song about it, while Harry continues to party on presumably to forget his worries (with billionaire Richard Branson, no less). Shall we begin to count the ways TSwift can not-so-subtly refer to Harry in her next song, dear Internet? Let’s start by finding words that rhyme with “One Direction” and “new year’s kiss.” That seems like a good jumping point.
MISS: James Franco and Ashley Benson made a video for Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” Read more…
In the world of celebrity news, there’s no shortage of hits and misses. This week, Robert Pattinson gets funny on Good Morning America and Ryan Lochte lands a cameo on 90210.
HIT: Robert Pattinson delivers a zinger during one awkward interview
The Good Morning America crew is no Jon Stewart when it comes to comedy, but at least Pattinson was able to deliver his own zinger about the bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch they presented him in lieu of ice cream. “I’d like my fans to know that Cinnamon Toast Crunch only has 30 calories a bowl in it.” Start the slow clap.
MISS: Ryan Lochte lands a 90210 cameo
Lochte has what I like to call the “David Beckham” problem. Both are incredible athletes and they look damn good, but when they open their mouths, the illusion is shattered. While Beckham’s voice doesn’t match his physique, Lochte’s less than eloquent speech and tweets just makes me wish I never heard him talk. Adding to this is his less than impressive bit in Funny or Die’s “Olympic Ticket Scalper” video which also starred Sir Patrick Stewart, Simon Pegg and Game of Thrones’ Maisie Williams. I really hope the 90210 writers give him one really easy line because I don’t think he can handle anything more than that.
HIT: Jennifer Aniston gets engaged
Aniston’s boyfriend Justin Theroux finally popped the big question on his birthday last Friday. Aniston reportedly cried tears of joy while tabloid editors wept for the end of their favourite tabloid storyline. Good riddance to all the Jen vs. Angie headlines that have plagued us. The only time I want to see an Angie headline is when Big Ange is laying down the law on Mob Wives.
MISS: Lil Wayne rumoured to quit rapping for skateboarding
If you’ve been following Lil Wayne on Twitter, it’s no secret that the rapper is really into skateboarding nowadays. He’s been hanging out with a number of pros and even injured himself earlier this year. “”I picked up the skateboard and I thought it’d be a hobby and what happened is it’s a lifestyle…,” he said in a radio interview with Atlanta’s HOT107.9. “Rap is taking a backseat to skating.” I really hope he doesn’t think he can turn pro that easily. Good skating is more than just flip tricks and rails. Just like rap, it’s about your flow and style, something you can’t develop in one year.
HIT: McKayla Maroney thinks her meme is funny Read more…
Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte’s poor acting skills ironically enhance this Funny Or Die sketch in which he proudly confesses to peeing in pools. His deadpan voice and slow speech pattern makes it seem like he really believes peeing in pools is a regular, everyday thing. Lochte shares his tips with those of us who also want to urinate in pools and does a little publicity for his upcoming projects: Fifty Shades of Yellow, new
podcasts peecasts and a rap album under his stage name Peeablo, Bliss From Piss.
Some may call Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte “America’s hero” but others clearly think of him as a fame whore-douchebag. Not only is his signature saying, “Jeah” (take a moment and scream Lil Jon’s “YEAHH” in your head), he looks like a total frat boy and currently picking up any endorsement he can get his hands on.
The Second City Network put together a hilarious parody of the many examples why Lochte sucks at doing commercials. Not that his oily chest and pretty eyes weren’t distracting enough, the responses he gives back to the director are total NO-NO’s. In fact, Lochte really did do commercials for Gatorade, Gillette and AT&T in the past.
I wonder what else will be in the works for Ryan Lochte, post-Olympics? Possibly Dancing with the Stars?
Teach me how to Dougie
Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney won gold in the team competition and silver on the vault. But she really should have competed in the little known Dougie competition. [Bleacher Report]
Epke Zonderland performed three back-to-back release maneuvers on the horizontal bar which, if you don’t know, is like OMG good. Dude earned gold and set off thousands of batting eyelashes. If you listen closely, you can hear them. [Another Broken Compass]
Oh, hi there Olympic diver Tom Daley. What? You want to take me for dessert and stare at me with your smouldering eyes? Well, okay. I guess that would be possible. BTW, you totally won the wet T-shirt contest (hubada).
America’s sexiest douche Read more…
Because Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ just keeps on inspiring covers and parodies, it appears the 2012 Summer Olympic Games has also caught on with the trend.
In light of Michael Phelps’ major upset yesterday when teammate Ryan Lochte defeated him in the 400m Individual Medley race, the people at NOC have brought us a hilarious parody that pokes fun of the two swimmers’ rivalry.
The song definitely suggests Lochte’s darker side in defeating his 14-time Olympic champion teammate. Despite being friends in real life, the song sung in the perspective of Lochte features lyrics like:
“I’m in a personal hell/ I kind of hate Michael Phelps/I wish he’d drown in a well/ That dude is in my way
When I first saw that guy swim/ He got nothing but wins/I could’ve sworn he had fins/ But now he’s in my way.”
But enough about Lochte’s feelings. I want to hear a song featuring Phelps’ reply after losing last night.