andPOP - Pop Culture With Substance

When I was ambushed this morning with yet another sickening “Jon and Kate” story, I asked for the first time:  ”Who the hell is taking care of their eight children?” For the past month, these two have been the subject of constant interviews and “celebrity” sightings, but I never see their kids with them.

Yet Kate Gosselin claimed that she did it all for the kids, but it’s clearly not the case. Several testimonies from sources close to the family, including her estranged husband Jon, reported that the show was having a negative affect on the children. The layers of bullshit continue to pile on.

Gosselin’s tortured desperation for attention has shoved her entire family into the wrong spotlight. Along with the Balloon Boy fiasco, they’ve set an example for prostituting their children – and dignity – for the opportunity at fame and wealth.

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Nadya Suleman, who gave birth to the world’s longest-surviving set of octuplets in January, has signed a deal for a reality television show, reports CBC. Suleman will receive $250,000 for all 14 of her children to appear on the show – about $250 a day, per child. The contract spreads the money over three years of shooting.

Instead of shooting Suleman, 33, and her family on a daily basis, the show will only include milestones such as birthdays and other special events.

“They came up with this idea, presented to her and she liked it because she’ll get to use a camera to do some of the filming herself,” said her lawyer, Jeff Czech.

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When I think cool and contemporary, I think Neil Diamond. Except not at all. (Unless we’re talking about Will Farrell as Neil Diamond which is kind of hilarious). So Neil seems like kind of an odd choice for a show that is desperately trying to recapture the attention of the crucial under-25 demographic. But obviously someone important at Idol headquarters disagrees as Diamond plays musical mentor this week to the top 5 contestants.

In a cruel twist of fate, Ryan Seacrest reveals that the “American Idol” contestants are each to sing 2 songs tonight from Neil Diamond’s musical catalogue. Two Neil Diamond songs?! That’s rough. I feel your pain, kids.

Jason Castro starts things off singing “Forever in Blue Jeans” and later, “September Morn”. He sings the former with his guitar and the latter without and it seems like he always does a lot worse sans guitar. “Michelle” in Beatles week? Brutal. The judges think it was all bad though as Randy Jackson calls both songs “just ok, whatever”, Paula Abdul advises him to get out of his comfort zone, and Simon Cowell says he doesn’t even recognize him anymore.

David Cook chose the songs “I’m Alive” and “All I Really Need is You”, neither of which I have ever heard, but both of which he makes sound kind of cool. And how can you not respect a guy that makes random Neil Diamond songs sound cool? Neil himself says Cook gave him goosebumps but he’s so monotone that it sounds like he’s lying. Randy calls his performances “blazin”, Paula says she’s already looking at the american idol, and all the judges agree that it’s Cook’s ability to make songs contemporary that makes him appealing.

Brooke White is wearing what looks like an old costume from my low-budget youth theatre company (sparkly super-wide bell-bottoms and a frilly shirt. Belted of course), and she’s singing “I’m a Believer” (which Diamond apparently wrote for The Monkees) and a song called “I Am I Said”. “I’m a Believer” comes off super corny and karaoke-esque, but she plays piano for “I Am I Said” and the singer-songwriter at the piano thing usually works for her. None of the judges praised her first performance (Simon called it a nightmare), but they all agree that the second one brought out the Brooke White that they like.

Next up is David Archuleta, who Neil Diamond calls “kind of a prodigy.” Only kind of? I wonder what it takes to be considered a full-blown prodigy. I’ll have to ask Neil the next time I see him. Archuleta is back to dressing like a kid this week and he does fine with his first song, “Sweet Caroline”, but his second song, “Coming to America”, is more his style. The gigantic American flag waving on the screen behind him doesn’t hurt. Randy thinks he is “the bomb”, Paula tells him, “I love you, you were brilliant, have fun” (umm what?), and Simon says that his performance “ticked all the boxes”, whatever that means.

Closing the show is Syesha Mercado singing “Hello Again” and “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime”. More songs I have never heard of. Awesome. She clearly agrees with Dane Cook’s perspective on shoes as she is not wearing any. For the entire show. Her first song is fairly boring (Simon calls it old-fashioned), but the jazzy vibe of her second song works with her performance style. Neil monotone-ly says she’s infectious and makes me really miss Andrew Lloyd Webber. Randy believes she’s finally realizing who she is, Paula compares her to Corinne Bailey Rae and another singer from the 60s whose name I have never heard, and Simon believes she might be in trouble vote-wise.

It seems that only the Davids are safe for results night, while Neil Diamond is set to perform. Get ready with your fast forward button as Mr. Diamond may be a classic but it turns out he is super dull.

Ryan Seacrest’s fauxhawk is sitting at about a 4.5 on the pointiness scale tonight as he declares it the “toughest test yet” on American Idol.He eventually informs us that it’s Andrew Lloyd Webber week and we get the obligatory video clip summing up his career in 4 minutes, during which my mom exclaims that “he looks like the grinch!” And he kind of does.

The top 6 are introduced and Syesha Mercado starts off the show singing a song called One Rock and Roll Too Many. Wikipedia tells me it’s from a play called Starlight Express which was apparently performed on roller skates. No wonder I’ve never heard of it. Syesha looks really elevated and I can’t figure out why until I realize she is standing on the piano. Um, risky much? She doesn’t sound as good as she usually does but Randy Jackson thinks it’s her best yet, Paula Abdul tells her she’s in her “happy place” and makes me want to watch Happy Gilmore, and Simon Cowell says theatre is her thing.

Jason Castro is next and he’s singing Memory from Cats. He admits he’s never seen an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, which is not even remotely shocking coming from this guy. Andrew Lloyd Webber never thought Memory would be sung by a person with dreadlocks and Jason Castro was apparently unaware that the song was sung by a cat. Nonetheless, he goes ahead with it. It’s clearly too much for him as Randy calls it a “train wreck”, Paula falls back on the “you made it your own” thing, and Simon gets to use his favourite wedding analogy when he says it seems like Castro’s parents forced him to sing it at one.

Brooke White chose You Must Love Me from Evita and has to re-start her song for the second time this season. While the first time was kind of endearing, this time it’s just plain awkward since she has to stop the whole band. Once she gets into it she looks like she’s in pain throughout the entire song and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s trying to look like she’s dying (because Webber told her that’s what’s happening to the character in the play) or if she’s actually literally dying of embarrassment. All the judges agree that the mistake at the beginning really threw her and ruined the remainder of the song.

David Archuleta is dressed like a waiter in some new, hip restaurant and before he sings Ryan invites a handful of random girls up on stage to hug him. He laughs awkwardly, because what else does one do whilst being hugged by strange children on national TV? He’s singing Think of Me from Phantom of the Opera and actually makes it into kind of a cool pop-soul song. Sir Andrew and my mom love it (”Wasn’t that beautiful?! It was beautiful!”). As for the judges, Randy says he’s the one to beat and Paula says it was perfect, but Simon plays the bitter British dude role and says it was one of his weakest performances.

Carly Smithson is up next and Webber advises her to choose Jesus Christ Superstar, reasoning that “you’ve got to find a song that suits your voice, a song that you can live in, you can inhabit,” and the English accent makes it sound like the sagest advice anyone has given in the history of ever. She takes his suggestion (obviously, he’s British…and Andrew Lloyd Webber) and comes out rocking, although I’m pretty sure she’s wearing a beaded rug that was previously displayed on my living room wall as a dress. Randy likes the outfit (this from a guy who was seen in public wearing this) and says the performance was “good”, Paula is basically incoherent, and Simon claims it was one of the best of the night.

David Cook closes out the show, choosing yet another song from Phantom of the Opera: Music of the Night. The stylists have slicked his hair down to his head a bit more for this performance, possibly to make him look less rocker-ish and more musical theatre-ish, and he proves that he actually can pull off the musical theatre thing because he does have a good voice. Randy calls the performance a “hot, molten hot, lava bomb” (genius), Paula repeats what she’s said to everyone else on the show, and Simon says he prefers David unslicked but that he did well with what he was given.

Jason Castro and Brooke White are probably at risk on results night and Andrew Lloyd Webber is set to perform. Here’s hoping he comes out wearing those stylish red corduroy pants he was sporting throughout Tuesday’s episode. What a stand-up guy.

Awkward conversations rife with warnings about backstabbers seem to be last night’s theme on The Hills as the show opens with chief backstabber Stephanie Pratt winning a hesistant last-minute invite to the exclusive Lauren Conrad birthday party.

After the opening credits roll, and Heidi has threatened to punch Spencer in the face, proving that, yes kids, violence is always the answer, Stephanie Pratt returns home to her condo to find her brother’s gigantic fish tank situated directly in the centre of her living room.
She’s not psyched.

Justifiably, she asks him when he’s planning on getting a job. And this is an excellent question because by my count Spencer Pratt has not had a real job since, let’s see, this Monday will make it……..yeah, never.

It’s finally time for Lauren Conrad’s big birthday evening at S-Bar and she casually informs best friend Lo Bosworth that Stephanie Pratt might “stop by” but she might not. Seriously? Homegirl lives for drama. She’s stopping by. At the party, Lo and Audrina talk about how they don’t trust Stephanie. Then the camera zooms out and they are literally 5 feet away from her. AWKWARD. Later, it’s Brody Jenner: Superhottie’s turn to warn Lauren about Stephanie. He tells her to be careful, thus becoming the 4586556th member of the I Hate Stephanie Pratt Club.

When He-Pratt finds out about She-Pratt’s appearance at Lauren’s birthday, he confronts her with an obviously rehearsed speech in which he employs one of the best lines ever uttered in the history of The Hills. In response to Stephanie’s statement that he’s “making her cry right now”, he snaps back with the zinger, “you’re making yourself cry thinking about what you did.” Oh Spence, manipulative and poetic.

Heidi rounds out the episode by espousing yet another warning to “be careful”, but this time it’s to Stephanie about Lauren. She claims that she and Spencer did “nothing” to Lauren. When are they going to learn that the answer is always to Blame Spencer?

Finally, Whitney’s back! We catch up with her at People’s Revolution where her boss, Kelly Cutrone, is holding a meeting and illustrating that as an employee of hers, if you screw something up, she will kill you in your sleep. The poor overly-lipsticked girl sitting to Whitney’s right incurs the Wrath of Cutrone, but Whitney makes it out of the meeting unscathed.

Back at Steph Pratt’s apartment, she and Heidi declare a Girls Night and head out to club Vice. What a coincidence! Audrina just happens to be there with workplace confidante Chiara. Heidi attempts to make amends and Audrina actually gives her some good advice, noting that “you have to learn how to keep your friends while you’re dating someone.” This is probably a bajillion times harder, however, when the “someone” you’re dating is Spencer Pratt.

Oblivious to all of this drama for now, Lauren and Whitney set up a lunch date at Whitney’s workplace. Any logical person would think this risky given the verbal beating Whitney’s boss served up to Lipstick Girl mere minutes ago, but it ends up working out in Lauren’s favour as one of Whitney’s superiors sidles up and offers LC a position at NY Fashion Week. See how easy it is, kids? I wonder if I go turn some knobs at a recording studio, someone will offer me a record deal…

Tipped off about the Heidi-Audrina encounter by Stephanie, Lauren heads home and informs Audrina that she can be friends with Heidi but warns her about being good friends with her. Oh ok, so she’ll only start a sex tape rumour about you once you’ve reached “good friend” status. Glad we cleared that up.

Later, while Lauren is out, Heidi drops by the Conrad/Patridge apartment to pick up some of her stuff. She again expresses to Audrina her desire to be friends, complete with the Heidi Montag signature pleading look, which is actually more effective with those new lips of hers. She departs and Lauren returns, upset that Heidi didn’t just “grab her stuff and leave.” Audrina looks nervous, Lauren looks murderous, and it’s clear we haven’t seen the last of this Audrina-Heidi reconciliation.

Fox has dropped a fourth reason of the loose reality show The Simple Life, the network said Wednesday.

Stars Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are supposedly under contract for a fourth season, but Fox officials said they just don’t have room for it on the schedule.

“In January, we have to accommodate 2 1/2 hours of new programming with 24 and American Idol,” they said in a statement.

But one on-set source said the real reason is that Hilton and Richie just can’t get over their public feud.

“Fox executives were freaking out because their two stars can’t stand each other,” the source said.

Hilton made it clear earlier this year that her and Richie were no longer friends – for reasons that only Richie supposedly knows.

andPOP previously reported that Hilton had tried to get Fox to bring on buddy Kimberley Stewart as a replacement for Richie, but Fox rejected the idea.

Producers of the show still hope production can go ahead and are shopping for another network.

A source says broadcasters NBC and the WB have both shown strong interest in picking up the show as a mid-season replacement.

At some point or another, anyone with any access to a television or some form of media has seen at least one episode of NBC’s ridiculously long-running drama “ER.”

And while nothing can really replace the outlandish yet emotional storeylines, and the image etched in to my mind of a strapping George Clooney as Dr. Doug Ross, I have found an awesome alternative during the summer hiatus.

TLC’s “Untold Stories of The ER” is a documentary style reality show where real doctors recount the insane cases they have faced, ranging from severed limbs, impaled necks, gang fights in the hallways of the hospitals, unexplained illnesses, and much, much more.

They couldn’t make this up if they tried.

What makes this show so addictive is not so much the cases as it is the reenactments and the commentary provided by the real docs. Watching them, you often forget that these are REAL cases they are describing, and not just wild ideas thrown out there by overzealous network writers during sweeps.

The reenactments not only add a needed visual to tell the patient’s story, but can be down-right hilarous. Finding actors who bear a recognizable resemblance to the real doctors must be hard, cause the people they chose nine times out of 10 don’t even come close!

Despite that though, bad toupees and all, the show is a welcome break from the usual, predictable world of reality tv.

The show airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on TLC.

Last night at 8pm, CTV aired the two-hour premiere of Brat Camp, documenting the rehabilitation of kids who break the rules. Apparently the theme was contagious, because here I am about to break the rules myself. Though I was specifically instructed to avoid commenting on reality television programs (to avoid stepping on the talented toes of reality T.V. columnist Amy Sharaf), this show warranted an exception having crossed way over a line that both producers and network execs should be forbidden to cross. Last night, the lives of eight troubled youths were left in the hands of television.

Brat Camp takes place at SageWalk Wilderness School, where parents gladly hand over their out-of-control teens to a staff of trained youth counselors. Founded by former bad ass Tony Randazzo (who also serves as narrator), the camp is based on rigid rules aimed to promote routine, discipline, patience and respect. Each staff member goes by an ?Earth name? intended to make the authority figures seem less intimidating and more relatable in the eyes of the campers ? there?s Little Big Bear, Mountain Wind, Boulder and Cougar, as well as eight one-on-one clinical therapists who visit with the campers twice a week.

So who are the eight teenagers unlucky enough to be banished to the sticks for a season?s worth of footage? Enter Lauren, Derek, Isaiah, Jada, Frank, Lexie, Heather and Shawn ? but trust me, their names don?t matter. The show has branded each camper with a scandalous subtitle that inadvertently serves as a dehumanizing element identifying the individuals by their bad behavior. There?s the Compulsive Liar, Angry Punk, Hostile Outcast and Habitual Runaway, just to name a few.

Their problems run the gamut from hyperactivity to drug use, and are documented in montages displaying the kids at their worst. These snippets of video are extremely staged and feature the teens drinking, smoking, comparing weaponry, swearing, slamming doors and destroying random property. With their proud smiles and animated movements, thesekids are obviously performing for the cameramen and producing behaviour that hardly seems natural.

It is because of this constant performance for the camera that the seemingly honorable intentions of Brat Camp begin to break down. These kids are all in need of professional help in one facet or another, but such assistance seems impossible considering the personas the teens assume while on air. Such a foreseeable barrier between these kids and the help they require had me continuously returning to one fundamental question: What kind of parent offers their child up to a television show in order to cure behavioural problems?

A closer look at each parent provides only further frustration. There was no end to the excuses these people had for their inability to properly discipline their children, and while I think it?s great that these kids may change in some fashion by the end of the show, the truth of the matter is they will return to a family that has not changed. While the show has a camera trained on the teens during this ordeal, the family back home isn?t learning anything about how to improve their strategy for raising a troubled child. Of course not. That wouldn?t make for good prime time television. If these parents were really so desperate to solve their familial issues on screen, they should have visited Dr. Phil. Brat Camp makes their attempt at tough love look more like a shot at fifteen minutes of fame.

While the campers? experiences are entertaining ? their daily regiment includes a race to wake up, dress, and disassemble their sleeping quarters in under five minutes ? I?m left wondering how effective it all is. At one point, Randazzo explains that the camp doesn?t learn why the campers have been sent to SageWalk until a dramatic unveiling on the second night. Call me stupid, but it seems to me a facility about to house teenagers with violent and suicidal tendencies should be maybe be apprised of the situation.

Of course, after watching these kids rebel for the first two-thirds of the show, everything is looking rosy and optimistic by the big happy ending. But big happy endings aren?t real. At the end of the season when the cameras are off, will their lives actually be changed for the better? Perhaps, but when it comes to the development and well-being of an impressionable mind, I don?t think that?s a responsibility that should be left up to a television show.

Though Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are still at it like yappy miniature dogs, Fox has a show to put on.

Both Hilton and Richie are under contract for a fourth season of their reality show, The Simple Life, and Fox wants the show to go on, whether the girls are talking or not.

People magazine is reporting that Fox’s latest idea is to have The Simple Life 4 focus on each girls wedding preparations and first weeks as a newlywed. Hilton is marrying Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis and Richie is engaged to celebrity DJ Adam Goldstein – neither coming from a very simple lifestyle.
The genius of this terrible plot is that Hilton and Richie would never have to come into contact. Each girl would shoot scenes seperately and Fox would package the whole thing as a neat series.

Another possibility would be to shoot their reconciliation, should such a thing actually happen.

US Weekly quoted a source as saying, “Nicole is into the idea – she really wants this.”

Publicists for Hilton and Richie have said no decisions have been made regarding The Simple Life 4.

Hilton has made it very clear that she wants a replacement for Richie on The Simple Life, though she remains tight-lipped about the reasons for their feud.
“I will not go into the details of what happened,” Hilton said. “All I will say is that Nicole knows what she did, and that’s all I am ever going to say about it.”
While Fox hasn’t found a replacement for Richie, Hilton has been very public about wanting new best gal pal Kimberly Stewart, daughter of Rod, to be Richie’s replacement.

“Kim is hysterical and crazy fun, and I love that about her,” Hilton said.

So, Fox gave Stewart a screen test and determined she’s got the “personality of a block of wood,” says an insider. Paris was asked to recommend another girlfriend ? to which she replied, ?I do not have any, for some reason, women don’t like me.”

The third edition, The Simple Life 3: Interns debuted with the series’ best-ever ratings – 13.3 million viewers. The reality series finished its run averaging 9.6 million viewers.

I guess it was bound to happen eventually.

With the cyclical nature of reality television exhausting played-out themes like stupid pretty girl with smart ugly guy (a la “Average Joe”, “Beauty and the Geek”), the cringe-worthy (”The Swan”, “Extreme Makeover”, “Fear Factor”), physically demanding competition (”Survivor”, “The Amazing Race”), the fish out of water (”The Simple Life”, “Trading Spouses”) and many, many more, I guess it was only natural that this would follow.

The “this” I speak of is the so-called rise of the has-been, the washed-up, the C-list celebrities trying ever-so-hard to maintain their long-ago-faded 15 minutes of fame. Please, just let it go already.

This new trend has ushered in shows like NBC’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” where bands and “singers”?? most of which many young people have never heard of?? try to revive their careers by belting out that one song that made them “stars” all those years ago. Ah yes, nothing like Haddaway singing “What is Love?” to make for great television.

But “Hit Me Baby One More Time” is not alone. ABC is making a killing in the ratings department with “Dancing with the Stars,” arguably the greatest “hit” of the summer (and quite possibly the dumbest idea for a show since Fox’s much-hated “Who’s Your Daddy?”), averaging around 16 million viewers last week.

I really can’t decide which is worse: the idea that “celebs” dancing the Tango, Waltz and Salsa makes for great TV, or that champion boxer Evander Holyfield, former supermodel Rachel Hunter, grown-up New Kid on the Block Joey McIntyre, Trista of Bachelorette fame, Kelly Monaco from General Hospital, and of course John O’Hurley (J. Peterman from Seinfeld) are actually considered stars!

This show is baffling, but I’m sure the maniacal network execs, writers and producers who pitched it are grinning at their (startling) success as they toss handfuls of cash into the air. Sigh.

Last but not least, there is the lesser-known (and often underappreciated) “The Surreal Life”, on VH1 and MuchMoreMusic, where more washed-up personalities are brought together and forced to live in a tricked-out house, reminiscent of MTV’s the “Real World”.

Though not a performance show, of the three I mentioned, this is the only one I can watch for more than 10 minutes without feeling the urge to bang my head repeatedly against the wall. Though last season featuring porn king Ron Jeremy was hard to top, this season (number four) was not as bas as was expected.

This mismatched cast featured rapper Da Brat, Verne Troyer (”Mini-Me” from Austin Powers), Jane Wiedlin of The Go-Gos, Christopher Knight from the Brady Bunch, the first America’s Next Top Model winner, Adrienne Curry, former wrestler Chyna (Joanie Laurer), and my personal favourite, underwear model and obligatory eye-candy, Marcus Schenkenberg.

Though the season has sadly ended, a drunk and naked Mini-Me relieving himself in a corner, Chyna performing “procedures” on basketballs at 4:00 a.m., and a shirtless and mumbling Marcus made this show worth watching.

I’ll take that over a clumsy two-step any day.