In the world of celebrity news, there’s no shortage of hits and misses. This week, President Barack Obama gets re-elected, Donald Trump is a sore loser, and One Direction wear football uniforms.
HIT: President Barack Obama gets re-elected
Let’s see: I’m a Canadian. I like my healthcare. I’m also a woman so I like my rights. I also love seeing people in love get their happy ending, whether they’re straight, gay queer, etc. So obviously, I’m happy that Obama won and those dickwads (a.k.a. Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock) who have absolutely no idea what rape is didn’t. Oh, I might as well mention that a very large group of diverse women (including an Asian-American and an openly gay politician) will be in the senate next year. To quote Tina Fey, “bitches get stuff done.”
MISS: Donald Trump’s Twitter rant post-election results
There was no one more upset than Donald Trump last night after all the news outlets (including Fox News) called the election in favour of Obama. He has since deleted most of the tweets, but it doesn’t matter because, to quote NBC anchor Brian Williams, Trump “has driven well past the last exit to relevance.” Trump is too short-sighted, stubborn and maybe even xenophobic to even contemplate bi-partisanship and it’s people like him who are splitting America apart. He can rant and rave all he wants, but he has to pull a Bill Clinton by backing his claims with facts before I take heed of his garbage.
HIT: One Direction in (American) football Uniforms
Sorry for the political bits. Apparently, the American political world morphes into the entertainment world during the last days of the election (Canadian elections aren’t as entertaining. Interesting, yes, but not entertaining). To apologize, here’s a photo of One Direction in tight American football uniforms. You are welcomed.
BONUS VIDEO: One Direction plays catch with football star Drew Brees Read more…
While Barack Obama was having Hammertime last night Mitt Romney broke out a surprisingly chipper song. Remember guys! Even though he didn’t win, he’s still FILTHY RICH!! He won’t get the power he so craved, but he’ll always have his beautiful voice and fat bank account. Schmoyoho edited Romney in this hypothetical speech in which he congratulates President Obama on his victory.
He sings: “I never really wanted that low wage “president” job to taint my career/ Besides, who on Earth could possibly get by on 400,000 dollars a year?/ Now that I’m done pretending to have fun spending time with the plebeians/ My speaking fee will multiply by three – so if you ask me, we won!”
So if you’re worrying about him being out of a job and being struck with poverty like a lot of other people in the world then fear not, he’s probably being served freshly prepared breakfast on silver plates while reading an ironed out copy of The New York Times.
Watch it here
Beyonce and her hubby Jay-Z have always been pretty outspoken in their support for President Obama. If they weren’t famous and lived next door to you they’d probably be that annoying couple with a slew of “Progress” signs on their lawn. But alas, they’re famous so they campaign in even more AWESOME ways.
While Jay-Z was out singing about how he has “99 Problems but Mitt Ain’t One” at a Columbus campaign rally, Bee was drafting a beautiful handwritten letter for the Prez, which she published on her website. The two are already chummy with Obama as they hosted a campaign fundraiser at Jay’s 40/40 club in NYC for Obama supporters to meet he President (tickets cost $40,000 per head!).
Right about now, I’m pretty sure most people are tired of the hooplah surrounding the upcoming presidential election. Unless you’re the type of person who just gets kicks over all the Republican versus Democrat jabs, endless parodies and CNN specials. Well, four-year-old Abigael has just had enough of the whole thing. Her mom recorded her bawling her eyes out over Mitt Romney and
Bronco Bamma Barack Obama.
Her mom reassures her: “It’ll be over soon Abbey.”
Let’s assess some other times the presidential hopefuls have made kids cry:
Whenever I see this picture I just want to yell “SIMBA”
Still undecided about who to vote for in the 2012 presidential election? Joss Whedon has some advice for you. The Avengers director insists you vote for Mitt
Zomney Romney because the Republicans’ promises will guarantee poverty, unemployment, overpopulation and rioting — elements that are crucial to creating a chaotic wasteland.
Zombies will run rampant in Mitt’s apocalyptic vision and you’ll have to start hoarding canned goods. The one percent will no longer be the very rich, it will be the very fast. On the bright side, Whedon says, we can all stop pretending this facade of caring for each other is real.
Vote #Zomney. Because he needs brains.
Watch it here
While many people are bashing this video, in which a stripper turned Internet star explains why she’s voting for Republican candidate Mitt Romney, Democrats couldn’t be happier. If this is the face of Romney’s campaign, surely it will encourage more people to vote for Barack Obama, right?
Paytas describes herself on Twitter as a mix between Woody Allen and your friendly neighbourhood hooker. In her video “Why I’m Voting For Mitt Romney” she forewarns people that she doesn’t really follow politics (she didn’t watch the debate but knows there was something about Big Bird and Romney won, “yeah!!”). She says she’s voting Romney because he’s HAWT and her kitten is named Mitts, so it’s DEFINITELY a sign. “We haven’t really had a hot president since Kennedy, but we all know how that ended, so yeah.”
If this is an Internet troll then we bow down to her but if she’s serious, I’m shaking my head at her with a look of haughty derision.
Based on her other videos, it looks like Paytas is a “personality” and playing up to a character. Still, it’s a pretty sad portrait of a misinformed, superficial anti-intellectual — why would she want to play this character at all?
Watch it here: