Every week ANDPOP columnist Kelly Burns narrows down the most bizarre stories of the week. They’re not exactly newsworthy but just weird enough to grab our attention. This week, San Francisco offers awesome Jedi classes and a dude busted for marijuana shows us why logic is a valuable skill.
The Dark Knight rises is arrested
So Matthew Argintar obviously hasn’t seen ANY Batman movies, but dresses up like the hero and freaks the public right out. The 23-year-old, was arrested outside a New Jersey Home Depot, after being spotted dressed up as Batman, and asking people if they needed any help. Hey Matthew! Watch the movies! Batman doesn’t just ask random people if they need help. He knows where the bad guys are and saves those already in distress.. DUH! With the recent Colorado shooting, this is not a funny prank…
Warning: don’t insert in anus
I can’t believe people actually are dumb enough to do this! A man in Australia must have watched Jackass, cause he decided he would stick some fireworks in his buttocks and light them off for kicks. Well, this didn’t end well, for OBVIOUS REASONS! He was treated for burns to his cheeks, back and privates. SMH Do we really need this warning added to firework labels? Warning: Please do not insert in anus.
How to be a Jedi 101
Alright, so this might actually be my dream come true. If you love Star Wars like me and have always wanted to be a Jedi Knight, NOW YOU CAN! In San Francisco, there are lightsaber training classes for adults. The end goal of the class is to reenact the ending scene from The Empire Strikes Back, when Luke and Darth Vader have it out. I think I’m vacationing in San Francisco this Fall.
Drugs are bad mmkay? Read more…
It’s been quite the year for Natalie Portman. Let us reminisce.
She was cast in Darren Aronofsky’s Black Swan and was told she’d have to undergo intensive ballet training as well as a strict diet and exercise plan to shed approximately 20 pounds from her already tiny frame.
Then, while shooting the film, she fell in love with one of her choreographers, Benjamin Millepied.
Then, Benjamin impregnated her.
Then, she was nominated for Best Actress at this year’s Oscars.
Then she showed up at the awards show with a bun in the oven. Then she won the award for Best Actress and gave her speech with said bun in said oven. (It looked cozy).
Then, Chief Designer at Christian Dior (for whom Natalie is a spokeswoman), John Galliano, went on a ridiculous anti-semitic rant forcing Natalie to drop all ties with the company.
Now, Mike Huckabee is dumping on Portman for having a baby out of wedlock. Great. Just when she thought it was time to grab her housecoat, put her feet up on her pillows and break out the Ben N Jerry’s “We Are Waffling”, Huckabee has to screw things up.
Huckabee, now a host on Fox News, went on a radio show Monday and said, “One of the most troubling things is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet that boasts of, hey look, we’re having children, we’re not married, but we’re having children and they’re doing just fine.”
Huckabee, a staunch republican who is likely gearing up for a run at the White House next election, then added the following:
“There aren’t really a lot of single moms out there that are making millions of dollars each year by being in a movie. I think it gives a distorted image that not everybody hires nannies and caretakers and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and would not get healthcare.”
Portman and Millepied are engaged but do not plan on marrying before their baby is born.
Honestly though, Mike. Did you even see Black Swan? Something tells me that if Natalie’s ok with tearing off Mila Kunis’s panties with her mouth, she won’t let a little Huckabee honey get to her.
