Who knew that Kim Kardashian was so popular? The reality TV star is filing a restraining order through the LAPD after mega-fan Dennis Shaun Bowman’s love for the celeb got way out of hand.

Bowman’s love affair for Kardashian began last fall when the Georgia man professed his adoration for the big-bootied celebutante via Twitter messages. A few months later, Bowman moved to Kim’s hometown of Calabasas, Cali. to be closer to the star.

But it gets worse. After moving to California, Bowman sent threats to Reggie Bush, Kardashian’s NFL boyfriend, challenging the burly running back to a fight. It wasn’t until Kim’s stalker began painting his face like the Joker from Dark Knight and randomly meeting her throughout the day that Kardashian finally decided that Bowman was more than a raving fan.

“Mr. Bowman sends me numerous messages each day telling me, for example, that we are in love, that we will go to dinner together, and that he is going to marry me,” said Kardashian in a court filing.

With the restraining order, Bowman will have to stay at least 500 yards from the celebrity, and will be restricted from contacting her. The question remains: why would anyone want to stalk Kim Kardashian?

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Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?  It’s something I ask of all my readers… I just like the sound of it.

And with that not-so-obscure reference, we begin our review of Batman: Arkham Asylum, which is the best game of 2009.  Yes, I am saying that in October.

I have been drooling over this game for months now, and anxiously anticipating doing this review.  Now, as much as I would like to give an unbiased and honest review of Batman: Arkham Asylum, that is impossible.  I am a huge Batman fanboy (Batboy?) and although this will be a fair and balanced review, I am obviously biased in some respects.  I mean, I am literally wearing a Batman T-shirt right now, and not even for the purpose of this review.  Just ‘cause, suckers.

But I digress.  This game is set over the course of one night on Arkham Island.  Batman has apprehended the Joker, and hauls him back to the asylum.  Joker doesn’t really mind though, and proceeds to take over the asylum and release the inmates.  Great. Now Bats has to pick up all the pieces.

Quite possibly the coolest feature of this game is the nature of the gameplay itself.  You don’t just run into rooms to find a group of baddies and subsequently dispatch them.  Okay, you do – but not all the time.  You don’t just prowl from room to room in the shadows, sneaking up behind guys and taking them out without a sound.  Okay, you do – but not all the time.  You don’t just solve puzzles and riddles.  Okay, you get the point.

I'm totally going to win that giant stuffed gorilla.

The seamless transition from the gangbang combats to invisible predator rooms to the riddles and whatnot in between really make this game flow exceptionally well.  That’s actually the primary element of this game -flow. The combat is actually called Freeflow Combat – using your various attacks to open up a can of Bat-Whoop-Ass on the various miscreants you encounter throughout the game by seamlessly landing blow after blow on opponent after opponent rather than one at a time.   You can even mix in attacks from the various gadgets you acquire over the course of the game – the Batarang, Batclaw and Shark-Repellant Bat-Spray.  Okay, not that last one.

There are some games out there that have alternative modes of play that are not exactly the greatest thing to ever happen to gaming.  Arkham Asylum is not one of these games.  The challenge modes are amazing – each of which is basically one of the different combat rooms you will encounter throughout the game.  This allows you to pick up Arkham Asylum anytime, and run through as much or as little of the different facets of this game at your leisure – which I have done ad nauseum.  Even more awesome – there is downloadable content that allows you to go on a murderous rampage as none other than the one and only Clown Prince of Crime – the Joker, however, only on the PlayStation 3.  The lack of grappling hook and gliding is made up for with the awesomeness of walking around the challenge rooms dispatching guards with kicks to the nuts, exploding-chattering teeth, kicks to the nuts and a legit gun.  Yes, Joker straight-up murders people with a gun.  Also, he kicks them in the nuts – did I mention that?

In this reviewer’s not-so-humble opinion, the pinnacle of the gameplay is the Invisible Predator mode.  When I think of Batman, I think of moments like the scene in Batman Begins where the criminals are being picked off one by one, growing ever more terrified as their numbers dwindle.  This is the epitome of Batman and also the core element of the Invisible Predator style of gameplay.  For me, it just doesn’t get any better than grappling from gargoyle to gargoyle in the shadows, gliding down behind a gun-wielding psychopath and choking him into unconsciousness, then hanging upside-down in the shadows and grabbing his buddy when he comes to help.  If the criminals are terrified, then bonus – more on that later.

Hello, my name is Joker. And this is my friend, Obscenely Large Revolver.

The Detective Mode is more likely than not the mode you will view the majority of the game in. Although sacrificing the gorgeous graphics somewhat, you can see everything that is pertinent to the mission at hand and more, from vent covers that can be removed and entered, to lingering bad breath or tobacco traces in the air.  While reducing the challenging element of problem solving, it doesn’t really matter – the game remains moderately challenging puzzle-wise with the ever-narcissistic Riddler hitting you with clues to the hundreds of enigmas and brain-teasers throughout Arkham Island.  Detective Mode also allows you to view enemies through walls, and examine their armament and status – status meaning whether they are Calm, Nervous, Terrified or Crazed.  Try to keep the enemies Terrified – they start shooting at noises in the darkness, and basically turn into whiny 8-year old girls.

As I mentioned earlier, the graphics in Arkham Asylum are gorgeous.  Simply gorgeous.  The dark, gothic atmosphere of Gotham and Arkham (hey, did you ever notice those are spelled similarly?) are captured perfectly.   The environment almost has a personality – brooding, dark and malicious. The animations on the enemies are smooth and functional at worst, disturbing and frenetic at best – exactly what you would expect from the psychos and maniacs stalking the halls of the asylum.  However, they tend to fall limp in unrealistic ways when you knock them out, but it’s a minor issue. The animations on the main characters are even better.  By main characters of course, I mean Batman – and his cape.  The cloak is almost a character unto itself, flowing behind you when you run, snapping out into a wing-like profile when you glide, and gradually becoming more tattered and ripped as Batman’s night gets worse.

Where the hell did I park the car?

The sounds of Arkham are also very conducive to the mood – the only way the soundtrack could be better would be if it had a bit more variety to it – low strings and baritone throughout – or if Danny Elfman just did the score.  Speaking of nostalgia, the voice acting is superb, with the quintessential voices from the DC Animated universe coming on board – Kevin Conroy as the Dark Knight, and the amazing Mark Hamill as the Joker.  Heath Ledger, step aside – for this incarnation of the Joker, the Force is strong with this one.

I thoroughly enjoyed Batman: Arkham Asylum.  It combines all the elements of an exceptional game – graphics, solid and intuitive gameplay that isn’t oversimplified or overly complex, and an atmosphere and story that draws in the gamer allowing them to fully appreciate all the other elements of the game.  All these elements come together to stomp more face than a professional face stomper – wearing stompin’ boots.

You didn’t think really I’d end my review of a Batman game without mentioning face-stomping, did you?

Cheers.

Gameplay – 5/5

Graphics – 5/5

Sound – 5/5

Replay Value – 5/5

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This is what's known as a bad day.

Batman vs. Punisher: Arkham Asylum vs. No Mercy Impressions

I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up by giving the impression this is a review of Batman: Arkham Asylum.  It’s not.  But I’ve been doing some research into the game, and wanted to rant a bit about the character of Batman as compared to other heroes, specifically the Punisher.  A friend of mine recently compared Batman to the Punisher as being very similar, and I couldn’t disagree more.  Why?  Let’s take a look.

Batman, as we know, began life as Bruce Wayne.  The privileged child of Thomas and Martha Wayne, billionaire from birth.  He never really got the chance to enjoy his good fortune, however.  His parents were killed in a random mugging right in front of his eyes.  I remember Batman at some point saying “I haven’t been a kid since I was 8 years old”.  He never gets over the loss of parents, but not in a whiny-personal “I-miss-Uncle-Ben” kind of way.  More of a fix-the-corruption-and-criminal-environment-that-allowed-this-to-happen way.

What has two thumbs and needs a Redbull? I'm too tired to point at myself but, this guy.

So Bruce disappears off the face of the earth when he’s old enough to actually do it, gains focus on his goal of crime-fighting, and trains his mind and body to do what must be done.  Years later, he reappears in Gotham City as the Dark Knight.  In Arkham Asylum, you will be able take advantage of Batman’s training as a detective and martial arts master with the abilities of a kind of Assassin’s Creed “Eagle-Vision” (but far more in-depth), great combos and other techniques to fight groups of enemies en masse or divide and conquer.

Frank Castle, on the other hand, had a family until they were killed during a picnic in Central Park after witnessing a gangland execution.  After that traumatic event, he dedicated his life to destroying criminals and murderers.  Not fighting crime, but destroying criminals.  He put to use his experience as a war veteran – special operations, infiltration, obviously his mastery of firearms and close combat in his relentless personal crusade.

The Punisher’s skills set (guns, knives and fists) is well expressed in his video games.  In fact, the latest title is a download from the PlayStation Network called Punisher: No Mercy.  A nominally better title could have been Nothing New.  A generic, first-person-shooter that brings nothing to the table except maybe a half hour or so of story play (that’s not a joke), and however many hours of online play you can stomach.  Fire your weapon at thugs until the clip is empty. Reload and repeat.  So like the Punisher himself, who is kind of a one-dimensional character, we have a game that reflects this.  Although to be fair, I wasn’t expecting a racing game – you don’t get Speed Racer. You get the Punisher.

I think that’s a very important note that a lot of games are overlooked for.  The subject content to begin with can more often than not determine how complex, how deep and interesting the rabbit hole can go, or how dry, banal and downright boring a game can be, regardless of how good the mechanics are, if the subject matter is paper-thin.

Batman just won a bet over whether he could kick the Punisher's ass.

As for why Batman and the Punisher are dissimilar, the point is very simple.  The Punisher doesn’t fight crime.  Yeah, I said it.  Punisher kills criminals, takes their money and uses it to finance killing more criminals.  Oh yeah, and that “funding” goes towards black market weapons.  So not only does he do what many criminals already do (rob and kill other criminals) but he’s the black market’s best customer. How can he possibly ever finish his crusade if he perpetuates the system himself?  Of course, that doesn’t matter to the Punisher.  It’s not like he’s worried about crime.  He just wants to kill bad guys.

If Batman and the Punisher existed in the same universe, Batman would track down and capture the Punisher without a second thought.  Why?  Batman fights crime.  Not criminals, but crime – organized and systematic.  He takes down mob bosses, putting them through the legal system so that the entire organization can go down with them.  The Punisher uses a chainsaw to weed his garden, but all he does his create mulch for new weeds to grow.  Batman pulls them out by the roots.

Finn, the exploding furnace clearly says "Caution!" Now you're just being careless.

Don’t worry, this all has a bearing on the games.  When you slide a Batman game into your console, you’re not just expecting a punch ‘em up, one-dimensional game.  Hell, even Batman for the Sega Genesis had more depth than Punisher: No Mercy.  But would you ever expect to see a Punisher game as innovative and intense as Batman: Arkham Asylum?  Maybe.  But I doubt it.  The subject matter of the game almost always determines the quality of the game, providing the execution doesn’t suck anyway. If you make a game about ducks, expect it to quack.

So that was my excuse to rant a bit on the Batman/Punisher comparison.  If anyone thinks I’m completely out of my mind or if you think I missed something that you’d like to mention, then let me know below!  Also, I’d like to know who likes Batman more than Punisher and vice versa.

Better than any Punisher game.

Also, some of you might think I’m bat-biased.  Well, of course that’s true.  Batman rules – who could argue to the contrary?

Cheers!

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Heath Ledger continues to make his mark on Hollywood—with critics already stating the late actor deserves an Oscar for his upcoming film role, reports TMZ.com.

Rolling Stone’s critic Peter Travers says that Ledger’s performance of the Joker in the much-anticipated movie “The Dark Knight” is worth an Academy Award.

“If there’s a movement to get him the first posthumous Oscar since Peter Finch won for 1976′s Network, sign me up,” Travers reportedly told Usmagazine. “I can only speak superlatives of Ledger, who is mad-crazy-blazing brilliant as the Joker,”

Travers goes on to say: “It’s typical of Ledger’s total commitment to films as diverse as Brokeback Mountain and I’m Not There that he does nothing out of vanity or the need to be liked.”

“The Dark Knight” is set to be released July 18th.

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