By Jasmine Williams
Jess is the new Monica Lewinsky, and Cece and Schmidt are talking about the “C” word, that’s right guys, ‘commitment.’ Also, Winston’s rocking a really weird earring and the obligatory jokes are pretty much the comedic highlight of the show.
Here’s what I learned on this week’s New Girl, “Backslide.”
1) Jess is in a funk after breaking up with Russell. It’s a lot of the same sad Joni Mitchell song, lying on a carpet and roommates trying (and failing) at cheering her up. Luckily, it works just enough to get her out of her room so we don’t have to be subjected to the sight of seeing Caroline booty pop any longer.
2) Backsliding. It’s a condition that occurs post break-up, when you go crawling back to your ex and make everything messier than it was before. You want to avoid this by any means necessary. Playing keep-away with someone’s phone may be one of these means. Thank you Schmidt for improving my vocabulary, one made-up word at a time. Read more…
By Jasmine Williams
Cece has a pregnancy scare which has Schmidt dreaming of little Mordecais in his head. While it turns out that she wasn’t actually pregnant, it makes me wonder what’s next for these two. Will Cece ever admit that she actually has feelings for Schmidt? And now that there’s no baby-on-board, was Schmidt’s almost-proposal just an impulse, or are there wedding bells in their future?
Here’s what I learned from last night’s New Girl, “Kids.”
1) Cece appropriately freaks out over the possibility that she might be carrying the spawn of Schmidt. While she may be harbouring secret feelings for our resident douchebag, she’s certainly not ready to be a mother.
2) Jess agrees to babysit Russell’s daughter Sara for the day and although she’s a teacher, she’s not so used to dealing with kids in this way. She tries to turn the day into an opportunity to teach her all about Italy, but preteen Sara is more interested in Jess’ bras and what she has and hasn’t done with her father. Oh and what she’s done with Nick, who the kid develops a massive crush on in a matter of minutes. Read more…
By Jasmine Williams
Cece and Schmidt are officially on the house’s radar, but I can’t help but miss the secrecy surrounding their relationship and the thrill of the two of them almost getting caught. Now, hearing the two openly talk about their sexual adventures and seeing them walking around in bed sheets and towels is getting a little TMI, in my opinion.
Also, when is Nick going to get a major storyline? After his break-up with lawyer Julia, he’s been like a lost puppy and his man crush on Russell is getting creepy. Dude needs a hobby or something.
Anyways, here’s what I learned on last night’s New Girl, “Normal.”
1) Jess hasn’t gone home in a week now that she’s spending all her time with her older man Russell. Go Jess! Only she can bring a guy to his knees by seductively announcing she’s wearing his boxer briefs under her dress. But wait, doesn’t she have a job? She seems to have a lot of free time for a school teacher.
2) Jess realizes after her luxurious mini-vacay with Russell in his fancy rich world that he’s never stayed over at her rundown apartment, with her three, quirky-is-an-understatement male roommates. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing? She invites him over anyway and warns the guys to be on their best behaviour, but of course, it turns into a disaster. Read more…
By: Jasmine Williams
Is anybody else getting tired with Jess’ “I’m so socially awkward” act? It hit a new level of annoying in this episode with her whining over her rich, new boyfriend. I feel like she should walk a mile in Nick’s shoes, he’s legitimately pathetic right now.
But in other (more exciting) news, somebody (i.e. Winston) has finally found out about CeCe and Schmidt! And it involved him finding them practically mid-coitus in the back of Schmidt’s SUV and almost getting arrested by US border police. Really, would we have it any other way?
Here’s what I learned on last night’s New Girl “Fancyman Part 2.”
1) Nick has a law school friend staying over at the apartment who sexually harasses Jess and CeCe, demeans Schmidt and completes a downward dog in the span of three minutes. He also hits on undergrads. Ladies and gentleman, we have a new record for douchebaggery!
2) CeeCee is willing to be Schmidt’s sex-cretary to distract Schmidt from his work and seduce him. Seems like things are getting serious between these two if rented costumes are involved. And I now know that Schmidt has nicknamed her boobs “Harold and Kumar.” TMI.
3) Winston owns the entire Wicked soundtrack. And sings along alone in his car. To ALL of the songs. He also steals his Schmidt’s car to drive to Mexico to see his girlfriend. While I approve of his musical taste (Idina Menzel is fabulous as Elphaba), I’m not sure if the gesture is cute or creepy/stalker-like.
5) CeCe would rather sit in Schmidt’s urine than admit that they’re boinking. But she’s forced to admit it to Winston when they get caught in Schmidt’s trunk by a customs officer in a rather compromising position. Winston’s still in shock.
5) Jess’s new older beau reassures her that he wants to do her. In his buggy on the way to the picture show. Kidding. I’m just glad his daughter didn’t catch her dad and her teacher making out in a parked car like teenagers. Awkward.
By Jasmine Williams
While Jess and her new older man-friend Russell are the intended focus of this episode, I can’t help but pity Nick. He’s so broke that he weighs more than his credit score, can’t afford a phone and wears said older man-friend’s sweater to be a little more like him. The whole thing comes across as
playfully self-depreciating embarrassingly delusional.
Anyway, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode of New Girl, Fancyman, Part 1:
1) Nick has a really low credit score — like 250 low — which means he must become “the guy without a phone” as an attempt to make his poverty seem less like, well poverty, and more like a lifestyle choice. Also, apparently it’s okay for sales associates to openly mock and laugh at customers with ridiculously low scores, ie Nick. That’s cold, real cold.
2) Jess has to suck up to a student’s father (Russell) because the principal doesn’t want to lose the guy’s yearly donation. Jess is all ready to chew him out and “stick it to the man” but then he helps her out when her car stalls by — wait for it — lending her his car! So much for “fight the power,” right?
Jess plans to stick it to the man:
3) Schmidt is a trivia god. In proper Shmidty form, he’s not humble about his brilliance and will probably have to invest a serious amount of cash in the douchebag jar. He also knows how to completely ruin a make-out session with his big mouth. Yes Schmidt, you were talking too much while Winston kissed his new girlfriend.
4) Winston is still a part-time nanny (remember that?) and he’s so peeved about Schmidt’s trivia prowess, that he gets the young boy he’s looking after to tutor him. Somehow his foolproof plan of memorizing random trivia questions about key subjects like “Mesopotamia” didn’t work out and Schmidt still kicks his butt.
5) Russell is nice to Nick (the poor bartender) because he knows what it’s like to be young and broke but mostly because he’s Jess’ friend. I guess he really likes her but it’s a little suspicious that he’s compelled to give away an expensive iPhone to get a girl. Anyway, Jess and Russell have plans for a date and I can’t help but wonder whether their clashing values are going to work out.