By Galen Simmons

Things at Greendale are settling down after the great pillow war and the school is once again relatively peaceful. With little going on at the school itself, the group turns their attention to Britta’s hang-up with her brain-damaged carnie of an ex-boyfriend, Blade, who just so happens to be coming to town with the carnival.

Annie, Troy, and Abed treat Britta like an addict to keep her from relapsing and calling Blade. Meanwhile, Jeff and Shirley confront the dud at the carnival so Jeff can learn the true secret of having women get hung up on him.

Pierce briefly becomes best friends with Chang through musical montage and Dean Pelton is coerced by the dean of the Air Conditioning Repair Annex in a desperate and foolish bid to convince Troy to sign up for air conditioning repair classes.

With that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode of Community, “Origins of Vampire Mythology.”

1) The fastest, easiest way to get women who hate themselves hung up on you is to suffer brain damage and lose your sense of shame. Whether that brain damage stems from a faulty carnival ride or something falling from the sky and hitting you on the head, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you no longer have the need to prove anything to anybody, including yourself. Maybe Jeff should try the whole brain damage thing. How much more damage could really be done to that whacked-out, egocentric psyche of his anyways? Read more…

By Galen Simmons

Dearest Mother,

By the time this letter reaches you, Troy’s blanket fort has probably seceded from Abed’s pillow fort. Greendale has divided its loyalties along said line, and a conflict of unimaginable proportions has taken place.

General Shirley has won quite a few battles for Troy, but for all her victories, General Pierce seemed to shoot back with his own triumphs. The ever-diplomatic Jeff has been encouraging the feather-shed (get it? Blood-shed?) for his own self-interest, while Annie has been nursing the countless wounded.

There is peace for now, brokered by Dean Pelton, but for how long? All I can do now is hope I live to see another day, but, alas, if I don’t make it home alive, please take comfort in these out of focus, poorly framed battlefield pictures taken by Britta.

Yours truly,

Galen.

P.S. Five things I learned from last night’s episode of Community “Pillows and Blankets” are…

1) When it comes to pillow fighting, the Changlorious Bastards are a force to be reckoned with. When unleashed upon Abed by Troy and led by General Chang, the Changlorious Bastards turned the tide of war. Their youth gave them an advantage over the regular infantry, as most of the regular infantry hadn’t fought a pillow fight since they were young. Only history will tell of the atrocities unleashed by the Changlorious Bastards.

2) General Pierce’s Pillow Suit might have saved countless lives on Abed’s side. The suit allowed Abed, for a time, to defend his soldiers against the infamous Changlorious Bastards. Unfortunately, at the last battle before the peace treaty, General Pierce was struck down by the Bastards. If the war had continued, Abed wouldn’t have stood a chance without the Pillow Suit. Read more…

By Galen Simmons

Happy New Year… in March. Last night’s episode of Community was surprisingly narrow in focus for once. The episode centred around Abed’s apparent addiction to celebrity impersonators, mixed with a dash of Britta trying to save Jeff from his own mental problems. Shirley, Annie, and Pierce did not really factor into the episode at all, other than being the butt of a few celebrity look-a-like jokes.

So, five things I learned from last night’s episode “Contemporary Impressionists” are:

1) Abed is an addict. He’s also sociopathic, but that’s not the point… or maybe it is, I don’t know, I’m not a psych major. Either way, Abed almost had his legs broken because of his addiction to celebrity impersonators last night, yet he didn’t seem to care. Britta’s planning to take him on as a case study for her psych class, but I think Jeff would be an easier choice, and that’s saying a lot.

2) Jeff still has problems, the latest of which can be metaphorically summed up by an expanding apple. While trying to save Abed from the consequences of his debt to the celebrity impersonator mafia, Jeff’s ego is left unchecked and is eventually enhanced by the anti-anxiety meds he’s taking. Dressed as Ryan Seacrest at a bar mitzvah, Jeff is told again and again that he’s better looking than the guy who’s sort of famous for being good looking. The apple that is Jeff’s ego finally consumes him, leaving him mentally broken by the side of a road for Britta to pick up.

Watch it here: 

3) Troy may not put up with Abed’s antics much longer. He was so upset with his roommate’s latest escapade that he had to convince Abed to give up his free will in certain situations to prevent him from getting into situations that could cause anyone bodily harm. If Abed can’t mend his ways, we may see a splitting of friends in episodes to come. And I don’t know if I can take that.

4) Britta’s psych classes at Greendale require her to study and diagnose her mentally unstable friends. I suppose if I were in psych and had six nutball friends as examples of unhealthy psyches, I would probably pick up the ability to diagnose people’s mental disorders as quick as Britta did.

5) Dean Pelton is so susceptible to Jeff’s anxiety-medicated swagger force field that he ends up writhing on the ground, half in pleasure, half in pain. Never underestimate the power of aviator sunglasses and a beard.

By Galen Simmons

After what seemed like an ETERNITY, The Greendale Seven returned to finish their third season fourth semester. It wasn’t the big shebang we were all expecting, in fact the episode was relatively normal. But I still enjoyed it.

Despite rumours of the show’s cancellation, last night’s episode, “Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts,” centered on Shirley’s remarriage to Andre. With Jeff and Britta organizing the wedding (and getting sloshed in the process), Annie meddling in Pierce and Shirley’s idea to open a cafe in the cafeteria, and Troy and Abed just trying to be normal for once, I’m surprised Shirley’s wedding rehearsal wasn’t an even bigger disaster.

Here’s what you need to know about last night’s episode: 

1) Shirley apparently learned something at Greendale. Yes, I was shocked too. Not only does she have the skills to own and operate a sandwich shop while balancing her schoolwork and a family, but Greendale miraculously taught her something worthwhile. Too bad Subway always wins… Oh one more thing. That sing-a-long voice Shirley always does? Apparently that’s her “sexy” voice.

2) Troy and Abed’s failed attempt to be “normal” is more terrifying than anything they’ve done before…. and that’s including their architecturally-brilliant blanket fort. Their version of normal isn’t connected to reality, causing them to get on everyone’s nerves.

3) Jeff and Britta have problems… Serious problems. But I guess we all knew that.

4) Pierce doesn’t know anything about starting a business, which isn’t surprising since he goes to Greendale. He was born into the lucrative family-business Hawthorne Wipes, so he has no idea how to start and run something as simple as a sandwich shop, leaving him and his fortune at the mercy of Shirley’s newfound business bliss. Pierce only wants to prove to his long-dead father that he’s worth something. Is that too much to ask?

5) Annie is OBSESSED with weddings. She even has a creepy frilly scrapbook of wedding ideas that she randomly keeps in her bag. Unfortunately, she’s shunned as the wedding organizer in favour of Britta’s shameful and hereditary homemaking skills. Maybe she’ll have a wedding of her own to plan later in the series… though I don’t know who could put up with her brown nosing.

1) Community is slowly shifting from a clever comedy to an epic thriller — the entertainment event of the year. No more laughing for us, it’s all about the suspense.

2) It’s the end of the world community college as we know it. The Greendale seven are expelled, but are given a second chance to purge all the weirdness from their system. This naturally leads to the question, what will happen to the weirdest person in the group, Chang?

3) The main love interest is of course Troy and Abed, but they are ripped apart by their “destinies.” It seems to come to a head in a battle of pillows, with each of them leading their own warriors.

4) Annie gets a “passing grade.” I know, hold your shock. Apparently Annie sometimes gets C’s too.

5) There are tons of epic scenes, though it’s hard to relate them to one anther: Chang tasers his man parts, Britta dresses as Michael Jackson, Jeff goes to the chapel with a special someone and Abed wears a fake beard.

The new season starts on March 15. Will you be watching?

Our beloved television comedy stars Jason Segel (How I Met Your Mother) and Ed Helms (The Office) share the big screen for the upcoming indie film, Jeff, Who Lives At Home.

Directed by Jay and Mark Duplass who have received a lot of hype from their last film Cyrus with John C. Reilly, Jonah Hill and Marissa Tomei – but this could likely seal their mainstream success. It continues Duplass’ theme of family dysfunction with Segel as a naive mopey slacker named Jeff living in his mother’s basement searching for the meaning of life. He reconnects with his brother Pat (Helms) who soon discovers that his wife is having an affair – meanwhile, their mother (Susan Sarandon) is depressed. Holy dramedy, Batman!

It looks to be in the same vain as Helms’ Cedar Rapids or Segel’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall rather than their other efforts – it premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival to great reviews and is due in theatres nationwide on March 16th.