No Miley! What made you do it? I totally see what Miley Cyrus was going for here, but unfortunately her look falls flat. We all have style we’d like to forget — don’t get me started on overalls in the 90s — but luckily our photo evidence doesn’t go national.
These high-waisted acid wash jeans have a retro feel — especially when you pair them with an 80s-style Madonna top — but there’s a reason why they’re out of style. Like Jessica Simpson and Obama before her, Cyrus’ jeans don’t work. I think they would have been better if they were a darker wash and paired with a back-to-basics top, but I appreciate that she went for it.
Larry King appeared on Conan O’Brien last night as a guest, where the topic of his style came up in conversation. Larry said that Seacrest mails him jeans.
“Ryan Seacrest send you JEANS?!” Conan said, aghast. “Those are Ryan Seacrest’s jeans?!”
“No, he buys them I guess,” King responded, standing up and flaunting his wardrobe.”What do you mean: They’re not from his body! Maybe they are…”
“Maybe they are! Maybe he takes them off at night puts them in a FedEx envelope and you get them. Those are very Seacrest-y jeans, I’m telling ya.”
Although most stores are still shelling out jeans that should come with a free Brazilian wax, the era of vagina pants are slowly coming to an end.
Jeans with higher waists are strutting down recent Fashion Week runways with the fly inching up towards the belly button and even the rib cage. So will this revenge of the ?Mom jeans? be soon preceded by rivers of blood and skies of fire?
Just because something is ?at waist? does not equate Mom jeans. In order to be given that label they must be tapered, acid wash and preferably with an elastic waist and worn with bright white sneakers.
This move towards more conservative fashions is the result of retailers overlooking a major market: women over 35. They account for 39 per cent of the total apparel expenditures for women.
Now are stores catering to the ?real? woman (apparently if you?re below a size 6 and have a flat stomach, you?re not human). Gap Inc. introduced ?Forth & Towne? in August for baby boomers who feel left out in today?s world of ?ultra-low rises? and J-Ho inspired attire. Forth & Town offers clothes that are geared towards career women with business suits, loose-fitting bottoms as well as more modern items like cropped jackets and slim-fitting coats.
Smart move considering Gap takes up eight per cent of the market share for women under 35 but only three per cent for women over 35, according to president of Forth & Towne (and former president of Gap) Gary Muto.
And despite the over-milking of its suburban mom/supermodel campaign, Reitmans is gaining popularity for its devotion to dress housewives everywhere. Winners is also doing more, albeit weird, campaigning (Woman 1: Jodie is a woman! Woman 2: You?re so picky!) for its women over 35 demographic. Retailers recognize that women mainly do the shopping (clothes included) for the family but they?re only starting to realize that these women enjoy the latest fashions as well. So middle-aged women enjoy clothes too? But they already have so much fun with Swiffers and picking the right cold medicine for their kids!
Anyways, back to the jeans.
It?s not just a good move for women who want to look age appropriate; it?s a great antidote for the fleshy spillovers of North America. Ever notice that it?s usually the women who shouldn?t be wearing super-low rise that always wear them? A jean that has a mid-rise will prevent the dreaded ?belly over button? effect without the infamous tummy pouch look that?s sported by elementary school teachers across the country. Something just below the belly button creates a nice balance between the two extremes.
Those of you who aren?t particularly curvy in the hips or voluptuous (alright, FAT, happy?) in the middle can enjoy the couture end of the new naval concealing denim and look down on the mainstream and misguided, low-rise wearers of the nation. But be warned, just as it?s hard to sit down in low rise jeans, very high wasted pants aren?t easy to maneuver as well. It?s your choice between low-rise plumber butts or high-rise pant boners.
But that?s only if you go for the extreme. Old Navy is offering jeans in four rises: ultra low waist, low waist, just below waist or at waist. It?s no longer mandatory for every woman to follow one particular trend or fit; variety is out there now. Combining the best of both worlds, these jeans are combining the higher waists of the ?80s with today?s boot cut and straight leg opening. This ensures a balance between the hips and the lower body so that it doesn?t look as though all the weight is in the midsection. Just avoid flared legs, they?re often an inch wider than boot cuts and they look like bell bottoms.
So as fashion takes hints from past decades and reintroduces them to consumers, its puzzling to know what they?re bringing next season. But with recent trends like bohemian chic, military-inspired jackets and these higher rise jeans, it?s safe to say that designers are returning to the old ?a lady never reveals her secret? mantra.
Sorry guys, it seems like they?ll be no ?Slut-oberfest? this year in the fashion industry.