Helllloooooo!

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.  This week we’re going to take a look at a group of malevolent, disgusting, and just downright horrible creatures who have terrorized mankind for years.  What’s that? No, not lawyers.  Not even politicians.  This week we are ranking the Top 5 Straight-up Meanest Aliens in Video Games. Almost as long as sci-fi and space opera have been around, there has been the alien creatures to terrorize or befriend the valiant heroes and heroines.  Well, forget about your friendly little green men, suckers, because we’re not talking about Starman or ET tonight, we’re talking War of the Worlds and Jabba the Hutt.  Let’s do this.

‘Ere we go!

5.  The Chimera – Resistance

Resistance 3?

Scary. As. Hell.  Playing Resistance for the first time, everything seems to be as per usual for a WWII shooter, until you turn the corner and see the monstrous Chimera hybrids taking aim at you with their alien weaponry.  At many different points through the game and it’s sequel Resistance 2, you encounter different and even scarier variants of these creatures, like the aquatic Chimera (just when you though it was safe to go back in the water… although let’s face it, it was never safe to begin with).  Especially in Resistance 2, these creatures just get nastier and nastier through the course of the game.  And the most disturbing part of it is that they used to be human.  Captured by the Chimera and genetically altered into the hideous hybrids, the fact is you’re putting down former Earthlings.  And as the series has progressed, the Chimera have evolved.  From the hybrids in Resistance, who needed cooling devices to keep their superheated bodies from pulling an Xbox 360 overheat, to the later evolutions who just burst out of pods throughout the game and come tearing after you, the Chimera use their advanced weaponry and cannibalistic tactics to not only subjugate the human race, but to steamroll them into the fold.  Nasty.

4.  The Geth – Mass Effect

The best part about being Geth? Free satellite radio.

Ever wondered what would happen if the Borg had sex with the Zerg?  The answer is the Geth.  I think that Bioware didn’t want to come off as anti-Semitic by calling them the Zorgberg.  They don’t just kill you – they impale you on large spikes that turn you into cyber-zombies that fight for them.  Zombies! Implacable synthetic foes created as slaves for other, less terrifying aliens (the Quarians), the Geth don’t feel emotion.  They don’t get scared when Commander Shepard blows away 4 of them in as many seconds, they keep coming.  In that respect they are certainly unique – I’m reasonably sure everyone fears Commander Shepard, because he’s a dick.  The biggest dick in the galaxy.  With a Spectre badge, a galaxy’s worth of resources, irrefutable authority, and unlimited spite.  Facing down that with nary a whimper definitely qualifies the Geth their spot on our list.

3.  Necromorphs – Dead Space

No, man! It's not a hug! IT'S A TRAP!

When I played Dead Space, I’m reasonably sure I lost 10 pounds.  5 from sweating in terror every time a Necromorph sprang out of nowhere to attack me, and another 5 from crapping myself the first time it happened.  These things are scary.  Mutated humans with multiple extra limbs, an appetite for human flesh, and faces that make Emperor Palpatine look like Edward from Twilight, these nasties definitely don’t want to be friends.  Like some of our other entries on this list, these nasties used to be human.  But the influence of a man-made virus that reacts with dead tissue results in these brutally ugly, vicious, parasitic and altogether unpleasant zombie-alien hybrids.  And you’re stuck on a barely-functioning spaceship with them.  Not my idea of a great day.

2.  Wrex – Mass Effect

The only reason he isn't kicking ass right now is out of spite.

Urdnot Wrex is a Krogan Battlemaster, which is kind of like a Ping-Pong Grand Master but with less ping-pong and more stomping face.  He’s over 300 years old, and at least 3 centuries of that time has been spent ruining aliens and humans all over the galaxy.  Wrex is a true mercenary, which means he doesn’t take orders from anyone for less than a week’s worth of beer money.   As a matter of fact, the only being in the galaxy that he is intimidated enough by to do what he wants without pay is none other than Commander Shepard, a.k.a The Biggest Dick in the Galaxy (see the Geth entry for further details on Shepard and his badassery).   And you can’t really fault him for that – Shepard is the Chuck Norris of Mass Effect, but without Chuck’s moral code or aversion to punching babies and women in the face.  Another intimidating feature of Wrex that makes him stand out from the very first time you meet him (in a strip club, scaring the crap out of the bouncers) is his deep, baritone voice.  He sounds like Solid Snake in slow motion – underwater. Finally, let’s face it – you have to respect a dude who shoots first, shoots second, kicks ass third, then maybe asks a question later.

1.  Xenomorphs – Aliens vs. Predator

Xenomorph hives actually have great dental plans.

As they’ve constantly been referred to in their media, the “perfect organism” is exactly that – from a certain point of view.  If your idea of the perfect organism involves a parasitic, death-dealing bio-mechanical super-insect from outer space, then sure, they’re perfect.  But for the rest of us, the Xenomorphs (or simply Aliens) are possibly one of the most frightening and disturbing creatures ever to crawl from a human being’s torso (the other being Christopher Walken).  Speaking of crawling out of your torso, the Alien won’t just kill you – they drag you into the darkness, cocoon you and shove an egg down your throat to spawn a brand-new beastie.  One would argue it’s less painful and terrifying to just get killed than suffer through that experience.  And if any of those eggs are sitting around, it doesn’t matter how many of the Aliens you kill – there will always be more.  Designed by a Swiss surrealist with more psychological issues than a crazy-coated nutbar, the Alien is simultaneously brutal, sleek and sexual.  So once again, kind of like Christopher Walken (who incidentally, almost made this list).

Honourable Mention: The Orks – Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

What's more awesome than an Ork smoking a cigar? Doesn't matter, you're dead.

“Orkses is never beaten in battle.  If we wins, we wins, if we die we die so it don’t count as beat, an’ if we runs for it we don’t die ‘neither, so we can always come back for anuvver go, see?”
That quote alone should guarantee the Orks a spot on this list.  But let’s face it – the Orks earned their spot on this list through brute force, uncompromising devotion to war, and attitude.  A lot of the entries on this list are faceless, inhuman creatures that can’t be easily related to much less understood.  But the Orks speak English (kind of), use weapons similar to ours and even approximate some human mannerisms and cultural cliches!  An Ork is not a slender, Elfy pansy nor a sleek, pseudo-sexy Xenomorph.  He’s a 7 ft. green soccer hooligan with a chainsword and a pistol with a barrel as wide as your fist.  Also, he’s interchangeably roaring like an animal and calling you a “little ‘umie git”. That is pretty much the definition of “feared” and “avoided” and “Chelsea Headhunter”.  It’s also the reason the Imperial Guard have a 94% casualty rate.

If you guys think I missed anyone that should have belonged in the Top 5, or think that maybe one of these other nasties should have been #1, or not on the list at all, let me know below.  Maybe we can do a Round 2!

Cheers!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

Swords and Shields, or Cyborgs and Clones?

When you’re walking down the aisle in the store, shopping for a new game, do you pick up Oblivion or Fallout? Are you looking to fly a dragon or a hovercraft, swing an axe into someone’s face or kneecap them with a laser pistol? This week our big question is… fantasy vs sci-fi?

I myself am not really sure which I prefer. I was at Games Day Toronto 2009, which showcases the tabletop wargame Warhammer and Warhammer 40,000 (and also the MMORPG Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning), I find myself to be drawn to both equally. So to put my personal curiosity to rest, and hopefully provide some entertainment in the process, here’s my List of Why Sci-fi is Better than Fantasy (or vice versa). Enjoy!

1. Heroes

Sci-Fi: Solid Snake – Metal Gear Solid (I,II,IV)

The ultimate badass. Genetically cultivated to be the perfect soldier, armed with the most cutting-edge technology in the world, and resembles Kurt Russell in Escape from L.A. (but not in a copyright-infringing way).  Voiced by David Hayter, he has enough attitude for 10 Sam Fishers.  Sure, he’s not a cyborg or a psychic, but he can rock the SOCOM pistol and assault rifle to take down anything coming his way.  If his face-full of scowl doesn’t get them first.

Fantasy: Kratos – God of War (I,II)

The Spartan warrior who became the God of War, Kratos kicks ass and chews bubblegum – and there’s no bubblegum in Greek mythology.  Wielding the Blades of Chaos, he’s a mass murderer with 10,000 or more kills under his belt – including the god Ares.  Now, since we’ve all seen 300, we already know how unstoppably awesome Spartans are.  Make that a Spartan wielding magical weapons and armour, plowing through a horde of demons, undead monsters, and warriors of the gods on a quest to rule Olympus?  That’s pretty much the definition of epic.

2. Villains

Sci-Fi: Kessler – inFAMOUS

The mirror image of Cole, the hero of inFAMOUS, Kessler is a callous, driven, time-travelling superpowered fascist.   It really doesn’t get much better than that.  Kessler is the man who puts Cole through sadistic choices again and again, testing his morals and his strength.  With electric powers “similar” to Cole’s, and the personal mission to push the hero to his limits until he breaks or becomes just like the villain himself, Kessler is the guy we love to hate.  Plus, he kills puppies. Probably.

Fantasy: Sheogorath – Elder Scrolls IV – Oblivion

What’s better than a demon whose title is The Prince of Madness?  A Prince of Madness who makes you his champion!  Sheogorath is your mentor in Madness in the Oblivion expansion Shivering Isles.  Obviously not a stable fellow to begin with, turns out he’s waging an eternal war… on himself.  It’s the demonic equivalent of punching himself in the face just to prove how tough he is.  And once you defeat his Orderly counterpart, he dubs you the new Prince of Madness.  Being a massive narcissist, I would be remiss if I didn’t vote myself the greatest fantasy villain.

3. World/Universe

Sci-Fi: Milky Way Galaxy – Mass Effect

By far the most immersive and complex setting we’ve seen in a long time, Mass Effect really puts the perspective in a different shift as opposed to most sci-fi games.  Humans have stumbled upon the means to travel across the galaxy, not earned it over thousands of years. Rather than a Starfleet or Galactic Empire composed of 90% humanity, or even 50% humanity, we have a galaxy who treats our solar system as a third-world country.  Humans are interplanetary immigrants in a galaxy that doesn’t care.  Only at the end of Mass Effect do we see the role of humans growing into a stronger presence.  But as we interact with the various alien species throughout the game, we see disdain, curiosity, or hostility towards humans.  Maybe more hostility if you’re playing Sheppard like the biggest dick in the galaxy.

Fantasy: Tamriel – Elder Scrolls series (III – Morrowind, IV – Oblivion)

The world of the Elder Scrolls is so detailed and developed I’m surprised I don’t pay taxes there.  While Morrowind and Cyrodiil were both featured as the settings for the most recent games, they were each so intricate that they didn’t even need to feature the other 8 provinces of the continent of Tamriel.  Several different races and cultures ensure diversity, while the terrain changes from area to area (albeit not drastically). With countless dungeons and many towns to explore, this world sucks you in and provides a beautiful backdrop for the events of the story to unfold over. And if you don’t like it, you can go to Hell – seriously.  You can go to Hell.  Except there’s portals all over the world, and it’s called Oblivion.  But it’s basically… Hell.

So I really don’t want to make the call on any of these – I mean, I picked them, right? Do I have to do all the work around here?  I’d like to hear your opinions on whether sci-fi or fantasy wins for Heroes, Villains, and Worlds.  You can post your responses below.

Until next time, readers – Same Brett-time, same Brett-channel!

Cheers!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance