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The Hills Recap: ‘And then YOU’LL be my Mom!’

andPOP Staff — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:28:49 +0000

The Season 4 Finale wraps up with a Lauren Conrad-Heidi Montag… hug. Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth attend a major party hosted by Bolthouse. Heidi Montag is also there along with Holly Montag and Stephanie Pratt. There are WAY too many blondes in this episode. Some may argue there are never enough blondes, but as a brunette, I disagree. Heidi gets the courage to speak alone with LC. To break the ice, she asks her, “Have you been working out?” The talk then turns serious with Heidi admitting, “the only thing really missing in my life is you.” LC’s words to live by: “It is what it is, it’s not always fair.” The two reminisce and Heidi exclaims that she doesn’t feel like she’s getting older. Well she isn’t- hello, plastic surgery! They do exchange a hug at the end and finally, the world is at peace.

However, Heidi’s life still has enough drama. Everyone is shocked over her marriage. At work, Brent Bolthouse asks her about her vacation. Her answer: “I was in Mexico and kinda decided to get married.” Brent doesn’t believe it, “Shut Up.” She isn’t at all insulted: “We were down there and we had a couple Margaritas and there was a chapel there…it was the craziest thing I’ve ever done.” Okay Britney. Still, no one is more shocked than Heidi’s mom, Darlene Montag, who flies into LA demanding an explanation. When asked to explain how the wedding happened, Heidi announces that a couple margaritas + a beautiful sunset= a wedding. Spencer Pratt sits there the whole time, looking like Chewbacca with all his facial hair. He actually seems sad when Mrs. Montag speaks but who knows what Spencer is thinking. To make the marriage legal, they must have a ceremony in the U.S. The Speidies are opting for a City Hall event whereas Mrs. Montag wants Heidi to have her dream wedding. The next day, Mrs. Montag comes by and has a chat with Spencer. She tells him the wedding is “too fast, it’s too much.” Spencer doesn’t see anything wrong with that, telling her that once the City Hall ceremony is completed, “you’ll be my mom.” No wonder she’s freaking out. Later on, Spencer and Heidi meet at City Hall with Stephanie Pratt as their witness. Spencer is oh-so-romantic, “Come on, let’s just do this.” They listen to the judge’s words, Heidi already says “I do” and only then does Spencer finally have a change of heart. Well he finally shows he has a heart. The Tinman Pratt asks Heidi if she is sure that this is the wedding she wants, not a big one and with her family mad at her. Heidi breaks down in tears and Spencer agrees to give her the wedding of her dreams. Newsflash, the dude does have a soul.

If there’s hope for Spencer, there must be hope for Justin Bobby. Audrina Patridge and Justin Bobby go on a romantic getaway to Palm Springs. Justin Bobby is wearing overalls and looks alarmingly like Luigi. Would that make Audrina Mario? The guy gets creepier by the second, telling Audrina he wants to stay there forever. Basically, he wants to lock her away. “You’re a rare one,” Justin Bobby tells her. “You’re very rare,” she says right back to him. I can’t tell if they’re complimenting or insulting one another. Their romantic vacation ends on a high note when Justin Bobby uses his teeth to take off a ring on one of his fingers in order to give it to Audrina. We can’t tell if he’s proposing or just thanking her for still speaking to him. But who knows, maybe Spencer is rubbing off on him! I can’t wait for the next season but for now we’ll just have to make do with The City!

The Hills Recap: Never Trust a Guy Named Dino

andPOP Staff — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 11:13:20 +0000

Audrina Patridge hears from her friend Dino that Lauren Conrad and Justin Bobby hooked up. Audrina must be hopped up on drugs because there is no way anyone would believe that story. LC and Justin separately plead not guilty. They each undergo the same facial expressions for Audrina ranging from ‘are you kidding me’ to ‘you should be put in an asylum.’ Audrina just can’t believe them since this Dino guy was so sincere about it. Who in their right mind would trust a guy named Dino? Instead of laughing it off like we would, Audrina turns the rumor into World War 3. Her attack involves calling Brody Jenner and Frankie Delgado and telling them about it too. Stepahnie Pratt also has been receiving texts from Audrina and is happy she’s not the bad one for once.

LC is in shock as she tells Lo Bosworth, “it’s insulting on so many levels… she’s calling me a slut.” Audrina stops by to find out the truth. Lauren tells her she didn’t do it and Audrina angrily walks off. A few days later they try for another peace treaty at Winston’s. What does Audrina do? She asks LC AGAIN if they hooked up. How many times does she need to ask the same question! I know the girl looks dumb but I was starting to give her the benefit of the doubt. Lauren decides to go for completely honesty: “I would rather kill myself than hook up with him. He is disgusting. Justin disgusts me.” Lauren throws more fire into the flame by telling Audrina she’s worse than Heidi. Of course everything ends in tears. Even Casey Patridge thinks Audrina is in the wrong.

Instead of learning from her mistake with Lauren, Audrina launches another attack on Justin. JB isn’t calling her back- probably because she’s being insane- and she takes that as a sign that he did hook up with Lauren. She leaves him a very long voicemail. Finally, they meet up at Cobras and Matadors, which seems to go with Justin’s new found Zorro look (slicked back hair this time). Audrina once again asks him if he hooked up with Lauren. Justin turns the tables on her, “No it didn’t happen… Some of the things you say I would never say to you…I find it so immature.” Turns out Audrina’s long voicemails involved many F bombs and ‘I Hate You’s.” For once, I’m on Justin’s side (until he calls her dude- twice).

Drama continues over in the Speidi side of life. Holly Montag or “little miss traitor” as Spencer Pratt calls her, stops by to talk to Heidi. I hope she stopped by at night since she’s wearing something really short with tall black boots, or maybe that’s how people dress in LA during the day. Spencer won’t tell her where Heidi Montag is so Holly decides to stalk her at work. Heidi has been demoted from an office to a cubicle so the two sisters step into a hallway to hash it out. Holly tries to help Heidi see the light. Of course the girl is blinded by Spencer’s douchbaggery so that doesn’t help.

The Hills Recap: Sister Act

andPOP Staff — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 11:05:03 +0000

Audrina Patridge visits Justin Bobby in his neck of the woods: Venice Beach. He calls the area “zenful” and adds another word to the Justin Dick-tionary. The two start planning a Mexico trip to “make up for Cabo.” I guess this time they’ll actually share a room. Lauren Conrad and Audrina go for drinks where she explains Justin is over Hollywood and is ready to grow up. Audrina hasn’t grown up since she’s still obsessing over him: “He’ll always be my #1.” Casey Patridge comes over and is worried Audrina is too convenient with Justin. Audrina admits she won’t care if Justin doesn’t call her for a week and disappears. Convenient? Stupid? Same difference. Audrina: “What can I say, I love him.”

Audrina and Justin go out for dinner where they discuss their ‘mature’ relationship. Justin: “maturity is one of the key things in a relationship.” Yup, and it includes burping and making out with girls in front of your gf. Although he did ditch his token hat for a Zorro-inspired one and gives Audrina a shirt as a present so he is changing… sort of: “I can be good when I want to be…no bras with that, thank you!”

While Audrina is chilling in Venice Beach, she is being replaced in the LC-Lo Bosworth casa. Holly Montag decides to crash at Lauren Conrad’s place after Heidi Montag kicks her out. LC is fine with the un-evil Montag. “She’s like Heidi but without the Spencer,” as Whitney Port describes her. LC, Lo and Holly spend time drinking wine while bashing Spencer. Now that’s my kind of night. LC thinks Heidi is pushing Holly away because she’s in a bad place. Any place with Spencer is a bad place. Holly agrees, “He just drives away everyone that cares about her!” When Lauren and Stephanie Pratt catch up at school, she informs her that Holly is staying at her place. Stephanie is worried this will make Heidi sad. LC could care less, “To be honest, I don’t care what Stephanie thinks.”

Heidi Montag is already sad about being jobless and bored.
Spencer tries to cheer her up: “Let’s go to the movies.”
Heidi: “Let’s not.”
Heidi starts blaming Spencer Pratt for her getting fired. Of course when the negative comments come, Spencer bails: “I’m gonna go enjoy life!” Spencer tells Heidi to stop complaining so much. He has a point, stop bitching and dump Spencer!

Heidi goes to Bolthouse to try and suck up to Sam Naziri to hire her back. She wins him over and he promises to give her one more chance as long as Spencer comes no where near her next project- a hotel. Naziri thinks it will be a great idea to take Heidi out of the club scene. Makes sense now that she’s an alcoholic. Spencer tells Heidi he’s happy she’s going back to work since she won’t be moping around the house anymore. True, only one bum allowed per residence. Stephanie stops by to tell them about Holly’s living situation. When they get mad, she brings up a valid point, “who’s going to say no to a homeless person?” Even Stephanie let Spencer crash with her. Spencer admits he’s happy Holly is living there since Lauren gets “the mooch of the century” as a house guest. At least Holly doesn’t come with a can of spray paint and a fish tank.
Spencer: “your sister’s the problem.”
Heidi: “Maybe you’re the problem.”
You’re both the problem, now shut up.

The Hills Recap: Out with the Old, In with the Aussie

andPOP Staff — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:44:55 +0000

Audrina Patridge continues looking for a Justin Bobby substitute. She goes on a date with Corey Bohan from Australia. When Lauren Conrad asks Audrina about Justin, Audrina answers: “I dunno, he’s a weird one. I don’t get him.” Took her long enough! After getting so used to JB, Audrina’s thankful for a guy who returns her calls and doesn’t stand her up. Yes, Audrina, it’s abnormal for a guy not to be a jerk. During a romantic dinner, Corey questions Audrina’s love life. Unlike Colin, he doesn’t run screaming. When she questions his, he answers “stress free, just cruisin.” This seems to sit perfectly with Audrina. She likes the non-committed types.

Corey comes by to Audrina’s pad and like a good house-wife-in-training, she gives him cereal and strawberries. LC comes downstairs and is happy to see Audrina with someone other than JB. Me too Lauren, me too… Audrina mentions they’re all going to Cabo for Brody’s birthday and invites Corey. His response: “sounds like a big deal.” Whoa, too much commitment for aussieboy? However, he’s not opposed to going to Malibu for the day with the rest of LC’s crew. Audrina takes Corey as her date while Lauren takes Whitney. LC explains to Whitney, “Justin’s there till someone better comes around.” At the pool party, Frankie Delgado receives a phone call from JB. Uh Oh. Turns out Brody Jenner has already invited Justin Bobby to Cabo with them. When Frankie informs Audrina of this, she tells him what she told JB, that it’s his choice to be with her or not. Obviously Justin Bobby chooses not.

Later on, in Runyon Canyon Park, LC and Audrina walk what is assumed to be Chloe, except she is way bigger than her last appearance. Audrina informs LC that Justin Bobby keeps calling her, most likely because he knows she’s dating. She wonders “Who to choose?” LC smartly points out that Justin Bobby isn’t going anywhere. True to her word, JB comes over to her place where they have a deep discussion which involves Justin convincing Audrina to go swimming alone: “You can go in and I can watch.” Creeeepy. Of course, Audrina goes in. To convince Justin Bobby to join her, she decides to swim topless. I guess Audrina thinks being easy will reel him in. Maybe for night but not in the future; when they discuss Cabo, Justin’s words are “it’s on!” What Justin, what is on? In his explanation, he’s allowed to do whatever he wants in Cabo. Audrina’s last words to him “I don’t trust you.” Duh.

In the land of Speidi, Spencer Pratt informs Stephanie that he doesn’t know who he dislikes more, Holly Montag or “stalker mom” as he refers to Heidi’s mother. He explains he was “bombed like Pearl Harbour.” Then he explains that the letter Heidi gave Lauren upsets him since he “didn’t get to read it or spell-check it.” Is he actually being funny?! Maybe Spencer does have more to offer aside from being the token Douch-Bag. However, he reverts to his usual smirk when he brings up Holly moving out for the 500th time. Heidi’s response: “You were at your sister’s for over 2 months.” Go Heidi! Of course Spencer avoids the question and instead gives her an ultimatum, “one of us has to move out.” Who is she going to choose, her asshole ex-fiance-boyfriend or her loving sister? Well of course Heidi being Heidi informs Holly that the living situation isn’t working out and she should move out already. Holly doesn’t understand why it has to be her or Spencer. Shouldn’t she know by now Spencer doesn’t share his assets?

The Hills Recap: Holly Montag= Matchmaker?

andPOP Staff — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 23:50:32 +0000

Holly Montag is trying to break up one couple while reuniting another. She has enough of Spencer “nice” Pratt and wants him out of Heidi Montag’s life… for good. She hopes this will patch up Heidi’s friendship with Lauren Conrad. Early in the episode, Holly, LC, and Lo meet for drinks at S Bar. Lo spends the entire time telling Holly that she reminds her so much of Heidi. Is that supposed to be a compliment? Lo’s probably worried the Montag sisters will reunite with LC and she’ll be left in the dust.

She might be onto something. Heidi sends Lauren an apologetic letter taking responsibility for their fight. Holly comes over to see LC and again tells her how sad Heidi is about everything. We get the point Holly, Heidi is sad. Now get over it. Holly also wants to know what Lauren thinks of the letter. LC’s opinion: it’s nice but… why can’t Heidi just admit that it’s all Spencer’s fault? All of North America knows he’s an ass and Heidi’s the one who lives with him; I’m sure she’s noticed. LC and Holly agree that Spencer ruins everything and things would be different if he had never met any of them. Um yeah, The Hills would be way more boring. Holly passes all the information she collects from LC over to Heidi. When Spencer overhears them, he gets mad that they’re discussing “she who must not be named”. Holly gets Heidi in trouble when she tells Spencer about the letter. But Spencer puts on his priceless want-to-punch-him-in-the-face-smirk and admits that he doesn’t care that he ruined Heidi’s and LC’s friendship since it makes his day a little bit brighter.

Audrina Patridge is trying to brighten up her day as well. She goes on a date with a guy named Colin. During dinner they find out they have so much in common… like music. Whoa, that’s so rare! They both like music, they must be soul mates. It seems like Colin cinches the deal when he passes Audrina’s “What kind of drunk are you?” test. Colin is a happy drunk whereas Justin, as Audrina explains, is a rude one. They decide to go on date number 2. Unfortunately, Audrina has to end their relationship before it even begins by constantly bringing up Justin. She admits that he’s the “only thing, like, holding me back.” No wonder there’s no date #3, how much emotional baggage can a guy take? Audrina comes clean to J-Bobby about her date. His take on the Colin situation: “You’ve got a winner, dude…Nice is good. Nice gets you far. He went so far that he’s not here.” Justin Bobby’s other memorable lines include his romantic comments to Audrina, such as “What’s up dude?” and my personal favourite, “Could I tattoo your butt?” I can’t wait to see what more lines JB comes up with next.

The Hills Recap: Karma’s A Bitch

andPOP Staff — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 23:09:24 +0000

Stephanie Pratt is left crying on the Hills for a second time this season. But there’s no sympathy for a back-stabbing Pratt. When Lauren Conrad calls her out on her dinner-date with Doug, Stephanie admits that he was just using her to get back at LC and that she deleted his number off her phone. Well then why would she go to dinner with him in the first place! Then she has the nerve to tell Lauren that she’ll be at Doug’s barbecue. Lauren Conrad cannot believe what she’s hearing: “Doug invited you but you erased him but you’re still gonna go?” Stephanie replied that she planned to go weeks ago, “before I was even friends with him.” Stephanie’s logic never ceases to amaze me. Of course after telling Lauren all this, Stephanie proceeds to go out with Doug AGAIN. She knows she needs a good alibi but Doug is unfazed, “everything’s gonna be fine… what are you doing after this? A movie night or a DVD night?” Now she’s hooking up with him? Stephanie just keeps digging a bigger hole for herself. At least when Spencer was an ass to Lauren, he wasn’t her friend.

Both Stephanie and Doug are trying to put the blame on each other. When Brody Jenner calls Doug shady, he explains that Stephanie is the one chasing him and shows Brody her text messages. Who knows what to believe! At the Barbecue, everything comes undone. Everyone shuns Stephanie at the party and Brody calls her out on her sketchy behavior. She starts crying when she overhears what Doug is saying about her. He states that he was just trying to be a good person and befriend her: “She’s like a lost puppy. I want nothing to do with her.” But then he makes a big mistake, asking what the problem is if LC was just his ex-fling. Lauren realizes he’s an ass and goes to talk to Stephanie. Instead of taking the responsibility, Stephanie blames Doug and Brody, saying how they’re trying to pull her and Lauren apart. Finally, LC sees the light. Note to Lauren Conrad: when EVERYONE tells you not to trust Stephanie, you should listen. As LC explains to Whitney Port when they’re ‘working’ at People’s Revolution, “Doug’s not worth fighting with a friend over, but apparently it was worth it to her.”

Someone who is completely not worth fighting for is Spencer. Holly Montag surprises Heidi by inviting their mother to LA. When Heidi asks Spencer if he’s excited, he answers, “I’m overwhelmed with excitement and happiness.” He looks like he wants to jump out the window. Darlene Montag is a force to be reckoned with. Darlene and Spencer go out for lunch, probably because the girls are busy with jobs or lives. Finally, someone is there to put Spencer in his place. Their dinner went something like this:
Darlene: “I think you’re very controlling and manipulative…I think you’re condensing, rude and hostile right now.”
Spencer: “I’ve done nothing wrong in my opinion.”

How many times has he said that! Mrs. Montag voices her concerns to Heidi, explaining that Spencer is very rude and she doesn’t like them living together. Heidi gets mad and admits that she didn’t want her mom knowing they were living together again since she knew this would happen. Darlene begins to cry, claiming that the two never used to fight like this and now she is scared of losing Heidi. First her best-friend, then her sister, now her mother, who is Spencer going to cut off next?

The Hills Recap: The Third Musketeer Gets Ditched

andPOP Staff — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 22:39:34 +0000

As the head of the Anti-Lauren Conrad campaign, Spencer Pratt does everything to cut ties with her including give up his best friend and his sister. Now, he is hoping to add member to his army, Holly Montag. As he explains to her, the #1 rule of the Speidi Household is NO Fraternizing with Lauren. Who is he, her father? Creeeepy. Like most people, Holly ignores Spencer’s crazy talk and calls up Lauren Conrad to meet up. Smart girl knows that she’d rather have LC on her side rather than Spencer. LC agrees to meet up with her and the two catch up at the bistro, Amandine Patisserie. Turns out LC and Holly are old friends and along with Heidi Montag, used to be so tight that they called themselves the ‘three musketeers.’ Dumas would turn over in his grave.

However, Heidi Montag is upset when Holly admits to her rendezvous with Lauren. When Heidi questions her loyalty, Holly quickly declares herself on Heidi’s side, but explains that when they used to all hang out, both Heidi and Lauren were like her little sisters. Unlike Spencer, Heidi does not black list her sister for hanging with the enemy. Instead, we finally see some humanity in Heidi as she admits that she does miss Lauren’s friendship since they have a “little time of fighting, but years of friendship.” Holly’s encouraging words: “nothing’s beyond repair” seem to work on Heidi as she ponders, “maybe one day by a miracle we’ll be friends again.” As Holly tries to push Heidi towards a friendship with LC, Whitney Port is discussing the same possibility with Lauren. Lauren explains that Holly is the most positive person she knows and is happy she is in Heidi’s life. Hmm, is Holly trying to rival Whitney’s good girl status? LC does miss Heidi as she tells Whitney, “You always miss a best friend.”

Seems like Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad are back on the best friendship road this episode as Lauren provides support for Audrina during an event that she plans. Kristen Loretta, the publicist for Epic Records, asks Audrina to set up a showcase for The White Tie Affair at The Roosevelt Hotel. It is up to Audrina as “the Epic girl” to ensure that the event runs smoothly and that the after party is packed, especially since the President of Epic Records, Charlie Walk, will be there. She invites Lauren who arrives with Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt. See, even Lo is there to support Audrina. Okay, maybe she’s just there for the free show… and to annoy her. She knows that Justin is a sensitive topic but still asks Audrina if Justin is coming. LC quickly intervenes: “Way to be a buzz kill.” Justin had promised Audrina he would come, telling her that if she needs him there, he’ll be there. Even his hair is slicked back this episode and since he actually looks human, I trusted him. Of course he has to disappoint. Audrina admits that she knows not to invest her feelings or trust… or to expect anything from him. Hmmm… that makes for a great relationship. Good luck taming JBobby, Audrina.

The Hills Recap: Big Girls Do Cry

andPOP Staff — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:03:07 +0000

“What could go wrong? Everything,” as LC declares at the start of episode 4. The Hills posse ditches LA for Vegas to attend Frankie Delgado’s birthday. Somehow, even Stephanie Pratt and Doug get an invite. I guess the bro-lationship between the dudes is still in tact even though Lauren Conrad dumped him. Everyone seems okay with Doug being there, but that is probably due to his private jet flying them to Vegas. As Stephanie Pratt voices the question on everyone’s mind: “you broke up with a guy who has a jet?” However, Stephanie Pratt does not have much to offer to this trip aside from drama. During Frankie’s birthday dinner at the Venetian, Stephanie asks Brody Jenner why he told Lauren Conrad not to be friends with her. His reply includes her stint with drugs and how she’s an untrustworthy person. This sends her crying to her room with Lauren Conrad comforting her. I guess it’s chicks before dicks for LC.

However, this does not hold true when it comes to Audrina Patridge. She and Justin Bobby are also invited to Frankie’s Vegas. They do come but spend all of 5 seconds with the group at a Vegas club. Turns out Audrina had ignored Lauren previously that week. The two avoid each other all night, which leaves Audrina seeking advice from Justin. Not a good idea. Who can pay attention to what he’s saying when his mellow voice just makes you want to sleep? LC, however, smartly gets advice from the birthday boy: “sometimes, you just have to do what’s right for you.” You tell ‘em Frankie! LC is worried about her friend count going down, but as long as she keeps adding ex bfs to her friendship list, she should be fine. Nonetheless, Audrina and Lauren finally talk. I don’t understand why it took them so long when they live on the same property. Luckily, Audrina Patridge’s conversation with Lauren Conrad does not end like Lo Bosworth’s did. After much accusing and defending, both girls start crying. Mascara is trickling everywhere but they finally end their feud and all becomes well in Hills Land.

Nevertheless, a huge shock rattles all Hills fans when Frankie tells the girls that Doug and Brody have been arrested. This shock, like most on the Hills, lasts about 2minutes between the end of episode 4 and the beginning of episode 5 when we find out that Doug had gotten punched by some weirdo and he and Brody were at the casino police station filing a report about him. Oh how reality TV loves to twist things… Only Lo sees the bright side and announces that they should all come back to Las Vegas during the court date.

On the other side of the tracks, Spencer Pratt is feuding about Holly Montag moving in with him and Heidi. His main issues as he explains to Heidi include a) Holly erasing two of his TiVo programs and b) she lies around the house in pajamas watching TV. Come on, at least Holly didn’t plant a fish tank in the middle of his living room. Spencer seems to have forgotten those weeks he spent on Stephanie’s couch. Instead, he devises a scheme that is sure to get Holly out. He tells her that both he and Heidi want her out, but Heidi is just too nice to say anything. Wasn’t ‘nice’ supposed to be Spencer’s middle name? However, like all of Spencer’s schemes, everything comes back to bite him. Heidi is fuming when she finds out what Spencer said to Holly. Seems like Holly will get his bed and Spencer will be back on the couch where he belongs.

The Hills Recap: Super Bitch vs. Deer in Headlights

andPOP Staff — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:25:59 +0000

We can finally take a break from our average lives and plunge into the glamorous lifestyle of Lauren Conrad and her crew once more. However, this crew might soon be hitting splitsville. LC is still stuck between her roomies, Audrina Patridge and Lo Bosworth. She wants them all to be bffs although Audrina and Lo are as different as Hilary Duff and Amy Winehouse, (though the only rehab Audrina needs is a Justin Bobby one). LC’s master plan is to organize (with Lo’s assistance) Audrina’s birthday party at their house. Of course everything backfires. Lo is angry at Audrina for being unappreciative of her and LC ’slaving’ in the kitchen. When Lo Bosworth gets cake on her dress, it’s the last straw. She decides that she’d rather play with Chloe the puppy than Audrina Patridge and her tattooed and mohawked friends. The next day, Lo unsuccessfully tries to patch things up with Audrina. But Audrina explains to Lo, “I just feel like I don’t click with you… I just don’t care, we’ll never be friends.” Audrina’s response comes as no surprise considering her description of Lo to her co-worker Chiara Kramer: “Lo’s just super bitchy, that’s just how she is.”

Who does LC choose? The lifelong bitchy friend or the new buddy rocker chick? Luckily, LC has a new, I mean old, flame to keep her spirits up. She explains to Whitney that she had run into an old friend/bf/hook up guy? named Doug who had asked her out on a date. “It’s about time,” Whitney tells her. Yes it is, LC, considering you have more Hills seasons than boyfriends. LC’s excitement indicates that she agrees. I’m not as impressed. Brody or Colletti he is not. However, LC had accompanied Doug to his prom and she sure seemed nostalgic and creepy when she reminisces about stalking him at his home. Doug isn’t fazed and asks Lauren on a 2nd date before their drinks arrive. LC orders a fuzzy dragon while Doug opts for a beer. LC embarks on the philosophical topic of what a drink tells about a person. I’m not even going to try to explain what a fuzzy dragon means. However, LC informs Doug that by ordering beer, it shows he’s a guy’s guy.

Spencer Pratt is no guy’s guy, only Heidi Montag’s guy. The dude doesn’t seem to have any friends and even his own sister doesn’t care for him. This episode introduces a new sibling: Holly Montag. Heidi’s younger sister, who looks nothing like her, comes to visit the Speidi’s much to Spencer’s annoyance. Heidi begs him to be nice and with his signature douchebag smirk, he responds “Nice’ is my middle name.” If I was Holly, I’d sleep with my eyes open. He wouldn’t eat the breakfast she made him and chooses to go back to sleep. You’d think he would give up the hobo lifestyle now that he actually has… a home. However, this allows Heidi to take Holly for a super LA makeover which hopefully involved no silicone. Sorry Heidi, hair extensions do not make you LA- or maybe they do. Holly needs more time to look the part and announces that she wants to move to LA and crash at Heidi’s place. Spencer is oh so thrilled.

If “things have to get worse before they get better,” as Lauren Conrad explains, be prepared for an awesome season!