Once again, we are presented with not only a movie tie-in game, but another reboot of a product from the 1980s – G.I. JOE: A Real American Hero. Except this time, the subtitle is The Rise of Cobra. Which is interesting, and a let down at the same time. What makes this interesting is that the writers of this particular adventure had the option of reworking characters many of us grew up with and expanding on their history and tenuous (at best) relationships which had been established within the G.I. Joe universe. The let down however, was that they chose to completely ignore that option, and instead push another lackluster, under-developed game out the door in time to coincide with a summer movie release, and pray that the name alone would trump up some sales numbers.

The basic gameplay of GI Joe is that of a third-person action adventure. And it really doesn’t expand from that point. You run, you shoot, you find some computer-controlled doors, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll even use a vehicle or two, if the controls don’t force you to hurl your controller at the screen within the first few minutes. GI Joe tries, albeit pathetically, to add shall we say, “unique” controls to the game – and by unique, I mean a cover system which is an obvious rip-off from Gears of War, although the developers didn’t seem to find the time to test whether the cover system worked, or if pressing the A button would simply result in your character doing rolling dives right into the path of an enemy tank. Repeatedly.

The game also borrows heavily from the Contra series, in that you are constantly working through each level with a partner character (of your choosing – there are a total of 18 playable characters, including 4 COBRA characters as well, if you can find the necessary items to unlock them), who is controlled for the most part by the computer. The benefit of this is that your partner is invincible; you can hide behind some cover and simply let them take the brunt of the damage as you wait agonizingly for your health to recover. Having this secondary character is also the gateway to the game’s Co-op mode, which allows for another human player to grab and controller and hit start, and immediately drop-in or drop-out of the game. And for the most part, they’ll be dropping out.

At least it looks nice...

The camera in this game is not only laughable, it’s an insult to everything that has been developed since Super Mario 64 was released. You have no control over the angle, height, distance or zoom of the camera, which means you will more than likely end up shooting at a wall, bunker, health container, or enemy at the other end of the map than at the turret/tank/ninja who is slashing your face. The manual even boasts that you can control the target lock-on system, but I have yet to find it successfully follow my instructions and stay locked on the target that is actually killing me. It will track for a few seconds, but if you’re moving around (and you will be – there are sometimes as many as ten enemies all shooting incredibly large missiles and laser bolts at you at any given time), and the camera will simply choose another enemy at random to lock on to.

The level design is just as simple as it was back when the original Contra was released – Jungle Level, Ice Level, Desert Level, Factory Level, etc. At least you know where you’re going, since you can move around the globe pretty easily after completing only a few missions in each zone.

The GI Joe we remember and love.

There are a few spots of light within the drab existence of GI Joe, and that mostly comes from the special features you can unlock by collecting dog tags, briefcases, and file cards scattered throughout the levels. Some unlock concept art for the game, others information on the new – and even the original – characters and vehicles, and others unlock old public service announcements and characters to be used in the game, should you want to go back to replay any of the missions. This is probably the best nod to the original series, since the only other indication that GI Joe is based on anything is when you activate the Accelerator Suits that were used in the film. Once you’ve beaten up or killed enough baddies, you can unleash your supersuit to cause more wanton destruction – and for the duration of this act of ridiculousness, you’re treating to a tiny, heavy metal version of the original G.I. Joe theme-song opening. The first time you hear it, you feel nostalgic and happy, and you want to see if there are any other hints at good things to come. By the second zone, you’re ready to unplug your speakers if you have to use the suit one more time.

I’m very tempted to say that GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra is something that only a true, die-hard fan of the original series could really enjoy or appreciate. Unfortunately, even they will be disappointed with this sorry offering – there’s hardly anything more to be found here than on the recently released DVD of the original cartoon season, and the fact that you have to struggle through an incomplete game to try to find it is unacceptable. To borrow an overused and clichéd line, knowing is half the battle. The other half is never dropping this disc into your drive.

Graphics: 2/5

Gameplay: 2/5

Sound: 2/5

Replay Value: 1/5

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British model and actress Sienna Miller will appear on the August issue of Nylon and in her interview, she spoke about her motivations for choosing to star in the upcoming G. I. Joe movie over doing another independent project, reports Perez Hilton.

“It’s really exciting to be in a film that people actually want to go and see,” said Miller, 27. “I was having to pay people to see my movies! Certainly really great directors have wanted to do films with me, but unless you’ve had a film that’s opened with a certain amount of money, you’re not bankable to studios. If you want to make amazing, artistic films, you’ve got to have some sort of box office credibility, which I don’t have.”

Miller plays the Baroness in G. I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which hits theatres August 7 and is based on the toy franchise.

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