The 90s was a time of many hidden gems such as “The Flo”, a magical water-filled plastic bag that helped people of all ages become more fit.
This is NOTHING like the prancercise. I sense that this wonderful contraption will not only give you the results you desire but will also provide you with a Zen-like peace.
With summer around the corner, we’e cutting it a little too close when it comes to being beach body ready. It’s just really hard to find the motivation to put on some running shorts and run because there is no such thing as a “runner’s high.” Well, for me anyways.
Joanna Rohrback seems to have a good idea of how to spice up our daily (non-)exercise regime. With her help, you’ll soon be prancercise-ing your way to a banging body. All you need to do is a strap a weights to your ankles and work that sidewalk like it’s nobody’s business. And when you’re ready to graduate to the next level, move those weights into your wrists because:
“It’s better to be punching into space than your face.”
Prance away, my little butterflies! Prance!
Confession: I have no idea what the cardio room at my university’s gym looks like. Actually, I have no idea what the gym looked like at all. I generally tried to avoid meatheads lifting weights and airheads on treadmills the best I could. But if I knew I could’ve been joined by this guy dancing on the treadmills, I would’ve have come running. There’s nothing better than pretending you’re in an Ok Go video with someone else.
With summer just around the corner, it’s time to start working on that beach bod!
Like many people out there, it takes a little bit more motivation to 1) get up from the couch I so lovingly nested in as I binged watch Game of Thrones for the third time and 2) find those running shoes I bought when I first roped my friend to be my running partner. (Man, was that a disaster. Sorry, Matt!)
Apparently, there’s something called “runner’s high” which supposedly turns something as mundane as running into an enjoyable experience. Apparently, it has to do with endorphins or some shit like that but I don’t know. I’m no scientist nor have I ever felt this “runner’s high” you speak of. I’ve also never felt good after a hard workout—except for when I use said work out to justify eating another scoop of ice cream (or downside, depending how you look at it).
So if you’re like me, here’s that little bit of motivation we’ll both be needing (screw you, thinspo blogs!) in order to look and “feel” our best this summer. (Results not guaranteed)
1. Pretend you’re preparing for the zombie apocalypse
2. Prepare for the day the Doctor fromDoctor Who finally whisks you away in his Tardis because, damn, does he do a lot of running
3. Create an excercise revenge fantasy or use The Mindy Project‘s Mindy Kaling’s epic fantasy
and in response to that response,
4. Think about that delicious low-fat yogurt smoothie you’re going to make yourself afterwards
5. Remember how terrible you feel after running for the bus
Because we might as well avoid embarrassment, right?
For anyone who doesn’t go to the gym, the exercise ball is a complete mystery. What do you actually do with an exercise ball asides from sitting on it? To help us lazy asses out, here’s a handy exercise ball fail video to help you figure what not to do with those oversized balloons.
Bonus: there has never been a more appropriate use of the Top Gun song, “Danger Zone.”
I’ve seen you send Pitbull to Alaska. I’ve also witness you failed efforts to send Justin Bieber to North Korea. So, please can we please get The Body Break’s dynamic duo of Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod on The Amazing Race? Because this would make my day.
But just in case you haven’t had to fortune of growing up in Canada during the late eighties and early nineties, let me fill you in. Hal and Joanne were pretty much our Richard Simmons. But instead of working out in weird neon spanx, these two tried to get Canada to “keep fit and have fun!” with their tips on diet and exercise. Their segments were quick and painless as they filled us in during our morning meals. Needless to say, their own tips have down them well as they seem to have hardly aged.
The most important thing you must understand is that these two have been passing along their sage wisdom in such a stoic manner. To have them on The Amazing Race would be amazing because it could go two ways:
1) They stay positive throughout the whole experience or
2) They crack under pressure and Canada will finally see the two endure a more difficult hardship than not getting your daily dose of calcium everyday
Do you see where I’m going here? Good because if we’ve learned anything from the showers of hate coming down on Anne Hathaway post-Oscar win is that perfect doesn’t win everyone over. No, I don’t have a grudge against them. I actually really like Hal and Joanne; they’ve been this weird little staple of my childhood. But I would like to see a more human side to this seemingly perfect couple and for that I would watch every single episode of The Amazing Race Canada.
WATCH THEIR AUDITION BELOW:
Just in case you need more incentive to get them on the show, here’s a couple of episodes of The Body Break:
So, let’s get them on the show internet and voice your support!
Not to accuse anyone of being a racist (because we’re totally not!), this video combines racial stereotypes and exercise techniques to helm the perfect workout plan for the average white woman.
Yes, it’s a pretty strange combo. The workout essentially involves Fitness Guru Ty Bowman (played by Comedian Godfrey) to appear out of no where to scare and chase women around.
While this workout plan focuses on white woman and black men, I can definitely see it playing out with all cultures.
Because really, all you need to get moving is a person who can master the perfect crazy face to get your glutes going.