Jersey Shore is
finally ending after six epic seasons. MTV confirmed that the upcoming season will be its final, meaning it’ll be the last time you can seriously indulge in conversations about hairspray, GTL, DTF and other acronyms that you never fully understood.
While we’re not particularly happy to say bon voyage to the cast (it’s a guilty pleasure) we can’t really imagine them trading beer funnels for baby bottles and going to Club Karma to hook up… with their serious, significant other.
The final season starts on Oct. 4 on MTV but there will be a commemorative retrospective on Sept. 6 called “Gym, Tan, Look Back.” Still, we’re pretty sure this won’t be the last you see of them — some will probably continue filming their spin-off shows while others will inevitably score a sausage infomercial or two.
Are you sad to see the show go or relieved you’ll never have to see The Situation’s abs ever again?
Just in time for Pauly D’s new spinoff reality show comes his new single “Night of My Life.” How convenient for marketing purposes, right? The song makes you want to watch the show and the show makes you want to listen to the song. It’s an endless and inescapable cycle.
The song, which features Dash, is the theme song for the spinoff. The song is actually pretty danceable and upbeat, aka it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
MTV’s The Pauly D Project chronicles his rise from Jersey Shore GTL/DTF housemate to world class DJ. 50 Cent signed him to his music label and he’s opening for a couple shows on Britney Spears’ Femme Fatale Tour. The show is filled with Vegas-style partying, unnecessary shit-disturbing by Pauly and endless bro-drama.
Listen to it here:
In andPOP’s new weekly “top five” column, Cassandra Gallo will rank everything from obscure song lyrics to the best worst movies. This week she went the totally outrageous route by listing five pieces of motherly wisdom Snooki will probably instill in her child.
Nicole Polizzi has admitted over and over again that she’s not a role model. From GTL to spending a night in jail, this Poughkeepsie Princess doesn’t censor anything.
So how will this self proclaimed Guidette handle motherhood? We can only imagine the rules she’ll allow her child to live by.
Baby Guidette will inevitably choose a modest diet of pickles over seafood. Snooki once said on Jersey Shore: “I hate the ocean. It’s whale sperm…everybody Google it. That’s why I don’t eat lobster and stuff. Because they’re alive when you kill them.” That’s true; the ‘screams’ of lobsters going into boiling water is enough to put anyone off seafood.
It’s also likely that Baby Guidette’s first word will be Guido and his/her first official movement will be the fist pump.
Here are the top five pieces of advice Snooki might teach her meatball:
1) If it’s a girl, her baby bag will probably be armed with bronzer, a tease comb, and makeup brushes, so that Baby Snooki can reach the ultimate Guidette status. Snooki advises girls everywhere in her book Confessions of a Guidette, “the tanner you are, the hotter you are. You don’t want to look like a pale vampire. I don’t care how hot everyone thinks Edward Cullen is, the boy could use a tan. And I don’t care if you’re tan from a spray bottle or whether you’re brown or oompa loompa status, just be friggin’ tan!”
2) Snooki lives by the rule: mix don’t match. She claims, “Less is not more. More is more if you can’t be spotted ten miles away from a helicopter with a blind pilot add some metallic” Her child’s style will be mix of Snooki’s signature animal print, metallic leggings and furry boots.
3) When it comes to handling boys you best be sure that Snooki’s child will know the difference between a Guido juicehead and gorilla juicehead. “ A Guido juicehead is into his tan, his hair, his style and dancing to house music. A gorilla juicehead is into the gym, tanning, his muscle, and himself.”
4) Her child will definitely know what a “true friend” is. Snooki advises in her book: “Don’t let your girls drunk drive, drunk dial, leave a club with random guys, or run around drunk on a beach like a frickin idiot.”
5) Finally, we know when this meatball grows up he/she be smushing material because just like Snooki they’ll moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. On Jersey Shore she constantly says “ you need to lotion everyday and if you’re going to “smush” you need lotion on your butt. So that your butt will be softer than a babies bottom”.
Though Snooki may or may not advise her child to follow these guidelines, she’ll probably want the meatball to release his/her inner Poughkeepsie diva and become the boss of the world.
We apoogize for overloading you with Snooki news and highlights, but this girl never ceases to amaze us. Snooki was on Jay Leno last night where she explained DTF (Down To F**K).
Watching her explain DTF to Jay Leno and Jeff Bridges was like watching her explain it to her Dad (who ironically was also in the audience). Snooki also brought some spectacular gifts for Jay and Jeff.