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The Hills Recap: Karma’s A Bitch

andPOP Staff — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 23:09:24 +0000

Stephanie Pratt is left crying on the Hills for a second time this season. But there’s no sympathy for a back-stabbing Pratt. When Lauren Conrad calls her out on her dinner-date with Doug, Stephanie admits that he was just using her to get back at LC and that she deleted his number off her phone. Well then why would she go to dinner with him in the first place! Then she has the nerve to tell Lauren that she’ll be at Doug’s barbecue. Lauren Conrad cannot believe what she’s hearing: “Doug invited you but you erased him but you’re still gonna go?” Stephanie replied that she planned to go weeks ago, “before I was even friends with him.” Stephanie’s logic never ceases to amaze me. Of course after telling Lauren all this, Stephanie proceeds to go out with Doug AGAIN. She knows she needs a good alibi but Doug is unfazed, “everything’s gonna be fine… what are you doing after this? A movie night or a DVD night?” Now she’s hooking up with him? Stephanie just keeps digging a bigger hole for herself. At least when Spencer was an ass to Lauren, he wasn’t her friend.

Both Stephanie and Doug are trying to put the blame on each other. When Brody Jenner calls Doug shady, he explains that Stephanie is the one chasing him and shows Brody her text messages. Who knows what to believe! At the Barbecue, everything comes undone. Everyone shuns Stephanie at the party and Brody calls her out on her sketchy behavior. She starts crying when she overhears what Doug is saying about her. He states that he was just trying to be a good person and befriend her: “She’s like a lost puppy. I want nothing to do with her.” But then he makes a big mistake, asking what the problem is if LC was just his ex-fling. Lauren realizes he’s an ass and goes to talk to Stephanie. Instead of taking the responsibility, Stephanie blames Doug and Brody, saying how they’re trying to pull her and Lauren apart. Finally, LC sees the light. Note to Lauren Conrad: when EVERYONE tells you not to trust Stephanie, you should listen. As LC explains to Whitney Port when they’re ‘working’ at People’s Revolution, “Doug’s not worth fighting with a friend over, but apparently it was worth it to her.”

Someone who is completely not worth fighting for is Spencer. Holly Montag surprises Heidi by inviting their mother to LA. When Heidi asks Spencer if he’s excited, he answers, “I’m overwhelmed with excitement and happiness.” He looks like he wants to jump out the window. Darlene Montag is a force to be reckoned with. Darlene and Spencer go out for lunch, probably because the girls are busy with jobs or lives. Finally, someone is there to put Spencer in his place. Their dinner went something like this:
Darlene: “I think you’re very controlling and manipulative…I think you’re condensing, rude and hostile right now.”
Spencer: “I’ve done nothing wrong in my opinion.”

How many times has he said that! Mrs. Montag voices her concerns to Heidi, explaining that Spencer is very rude and she doesn’t like them living together. Heidi gets mad and admits that she didn’t want her mom knowing they were living together again since she knew this would happen. Darlene begins to cry, claiming that the two never used to fight like this and now she is scared of losing Heidi. First her best-friend, then her sister, now her mother, who is Spencer going to cut off next?

The Hills Recap: Big Girls Do Cry

andPOP Staff — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:03:07 +0000

“What could go wrong? Everything,” as LC declares at the start of episode 4. The Hills posse ditches LA for Vegas to attend Frankie Delgado’s birthday. Somehow, even Stephanie Pratt and Doug get an invite. I guess the bro-lationship between the dudes is still in tact even though Lauren Conrad dumped him. Everyone seems okay with Doug being there, but that is probably due to his private jet flying them to Vegas. As Stephanie Pratt voices the question on everyone’s mind: “you broke up with a guy who has a jet?” However, Stephanie Pratt does not have much to offer to this trip aside from drama. During Frankie’s birthday dinner at the Venetian, Stephanie asks Brody Jenner why he told Lauren Conrad not to be friends with her. His reply includes her stint with drugs and how she’s an untrustworthy person. This sends her crying to her room with Lauren Conrad comforting her. I guess it’s chicks before dicks for LC.

However, this does not hold true when it comes to Audrina Patridge. She and Justin Bobby are also invited to Frankie’s Vegas. They do come but spend all of 5 seconds with the group at a Vegas club. Turns out Audrina had ignored Lauren previously that week. The two avoid each other all night, which leaves Audrina seeking advice from Justin. Not a good idea. Who can pay attention to what he’s saying when his mellow voice just makes you want to sleep? LC, however, smartly gets advice from the birthday boy: “sometimes, you just have to do what’s right for you.” You tell ‘em Frankie! LC is worried about her friend count going down, but as long as she keeps adding ex bfs to her friendship list, she should be fine. Nonetheless, Audrina and Lauren finally talk. I don’t understand why it took them so long when they live on the same property. Luckily, Audrina Patridge’s conversation with Lauren Conrad does not end like Lo Bosworth’s did. After much accusing and defending, both girls start crying. Mascara is trickling everywhere but they finally end their feud and all becomes well in Hills Land.

Nevertheless, a huge shock rattles all Hills fans when Frankie tells the girls that Doug and Brody have been arrested. This shock, like most on the Hills, lasts about 2minutes between the end of episode 4 and the beginning of episode 5 when we find out that Doug had gotten punched by some weirdo and he and Brody were at the casino police station filing a report about him. Oh how reality TV loves to twist things… Only Lo sees the bright side and announces that they should all come back to Las Vegas during the court date.

On the other side of the tracks, Spencer Pratt is feuding about Holly Montag moving in with him and Heidi. His main issues as he explains to Heidi include a) Holly erasing two of his TiVo programs and b) she lies around the house in pajamas watching TV. Come on, at least Holly didn’t plant a fish tank in the middle of his living room. Spencer seems to have forgotten those weeks he spent on Stephanie’s couch. Instead, he devises a scheme that is sure to get Holly out. He tells her that both he and Heidi want her out, but Heidi is just too nice to say anything. Wasn’t ‘nice’ supposed to be Spencer’s middle name? However, like all of Spencer’s schemes, everything comes back to bite him. Heidi is fuming when she finds out what Spencer said to Holly. Seems like Holly will get his bed and Spencer will be back on the couch where he belongs.

Hills Recap: You, Me, and LC?

andPOP Staff — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 19:58:39 +0000

Whitney Port finally has her own storyline and the Hills cameras are there to capture every quasi-scripted moment. However, Whitney shouldn’t worry about MTV stealing the rights to her life since her boss at People’s Revolution has already done that. Whitney informs Lauren Conrad that she has to go to NYC pronto since “when [Kelly Cutrone] wants you she wants you.” Kelly Cutrone is not only in charge of Whitney’s work life, she also takes control of her love life. During a photo shoot in NYC, Kelly informs her that it’s fine to ask the male models to drop their pants and take off their shirts. Hmm, can I get that job? Alex, one of the models, stands out from the rest as both he and Whitney had gone to USC. Kelly picks up on their vibe and asks Alex to have drinks with them that night. It seems that Kelly wants a piece of the action too. However, she later phones Whitney to inform her that she can’t make it. “No one’s coming, it’s just you and me,” Whitney tells Alex. He doesn’t seem phased and proposes a walking tour of the city. Alex tries to convince Whitney that NYC is amazing. I guess selling your soul for a hot male model with a degree isn’t so bad. Plus think of all the air miles she’s getting.

Back in LA, Lauren Conrad’s love life is taking an opposite turn. She admits to Whitney that the spark between her and Doug just isn’t there. When Whitney gives her advice on how to end it, Lauren retorts “how would you like to be dumped?” She has a similar conversation with Brody where she admits that her type of guy is one she’s already dated. However, unlike Whitney, Brody’s helpful comments involve “I told you so” and “can we talk about us getting naked tonight!” She sure knows how to pick ‘em. Doug seems to be a passing fad. However, rather than answer any of Doug’s calls, LC pulls a Heidi and decides to ignore them. However, she finally stops by his place and has a heart-to-heart. Oddly enough, Doug looks much better when he’s getting dumped than when he’s getting some. He tells LC that he’s treated her like a princess and then agrees to stay good friends.

LC also decides to stop by Stephanie Pratt’s place where she voices the line all girls should take note of: “I’ve waited too long to pick the wrong guy… you don’t settle.” I guess Heidi didn’t get that memo. But Stephanie wins the award for dumbest chick this episode when she fully convinces herself that her guinea pig is a hamster. When LC tries to point out the facts, a confused Stephanie explains that her pet used to be a hamster but is now a guinea pig.

Instead of buying herself a much needed encyclopedia, Stephanie arrives at Spencer’s place with peace-offering-presents. The presents only slightly melt Spencer’s frozen heart. He laughs at Stephanie and tells her “you want you, me, and LC to all be friends?” Earlier that week, Spencer had told Heidi during dinner that he would never talk to Stephanie again. Heidi tells him that she misses Stephanie and then proceeds to drink a lot of wine, which is what she usually does around him. I don’t blame her. Especially when halfway through dinner, Spencer looks at his watch and announces “time to get in bed and cuddle my dear.”

The Hills Recap – ‘Can’t We All Just Get Along?’… NO

andPOP Staff — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 22:49:25 +0000

According to Lo Bosworth, “the ones who matter are getting along.” All she cares is that Lauren Conrad is still her bff and Audrina Patridge is left in the dust. All three are going to Stephanie Pratt’s birthday party at Boulevard 3 and yet the Laguna girls arrive separately from their Orange County roomie. To make amends, at the party Lo tries some fake small talk with Audrina and after exchanging about 15 words (12 were Lo’s), she exclaims “I’m so happy we’re talking!” Audrina’s face is stone cold and without a reply, she grabs her jacket and leaves (I would too since Lo’s dress is straight out of outer-space). As Audrina’s co-worker, Chiara, explains, its Lo vs. Audrina or the dark hairs vs. the light. Hmm… aren’t blondes supposed to win in LA?

But what happens when blondes battle it out? The answer: all hell and some balloons break loose. Stephanie Pratt invites her brother Spencer Pratt along with Heidi Montag to the party but doesn’t hear from them until they arrive at the club carrying a dozen balloons. I guess balloons will make anyone forgive you… if you’re five. And yet they worked on Stephanie as she gushes “this is the best birthday ever!” This was uttered too soon since the sight of Spencer sends her other guests running with Brody explaining he just doesn’t want the drama. LC with her gang of Lo and Doug leave soon after. It seems like the blondes sometimes do win since Doug arrives with Brody and Frankie but leaves with LC. Does anyone else find it extremely weird that he and Brody are so tight?

The battle of the blondes heats up when siblings come head to head the day after the party to see if blood really is thicker than water. Stephanie grills Spencer for scaring off her friends while he gives her an ultimatum; it’s either his ship or Lauren’s since as he explains, if there are two ships, there’s a problem. And of course an episode is not complete without more Spencer douchebag lines, such as “if I could un-sister you I would.” He tries to get some points by being politically-savvy when he uses a simile to describe his and LC’s relationship: “it’s like trying to get Iran and Israel to get along.”

However, one dark-haired individual is scarier than all the blondes combined. Kelly Cutrone, Whitney Port’s boss at People’s Revolution, is not a woman to mess with. When her employee Jessica tries to voice an opinion and asks to work with stylists, Kelly puts her in her place and tells Jessica to leave the decisions to her and to simply be ” pretty pretty happy happy.” Later on, Whitney gets called into Kelly’s office to learn that Jessica has been fired and she is being offered her position. She’ll have to work in both LA and New York, but it’s not the bi-coastal lifestyle that fazes Whitney, it’s Kelly’s announcement that Whitney will be her shadow. Yikes! In my opinion, the ultimate blonde vs. brunette showdown would involve Kelly vs. Spencer.