You might complain about all the sketchy dudes you meet through online dating sites like eHarmony and Plenty of Fish, dreaming of a time when couples met naturally by locking eyes in a coffee shop or bumping into one another one the subway. Well, I have news for you: Life before dating sites wasn’t much better.
Case in point: These dating profiles from the 80s, featuring Fred the Viking, wild boy Maurice, Big Phil and blue-eyed Monroe. Mullets, high-rise jeans and weird facial hair aside, the guys manage to be creepy and ridiculously demanding.
Things they are looking for: Fun.
Things they aren’t looking for: Food-noshing fatties, hamsters, dopers, smokers, alcoholics, money-grabbers, crazies, sexual abusers and power women who don’t like to clean the house.
Do you think any of these guys ended up with dates?
Watch it here
This dude is looking for an Internet girlfriend. Here are his qualifications:
1. You have to be “tall-ish” with the body of Jessica Stam.
2. You have to be hot.
3. He likes tan girls, but not burnt toast-tanned (even though he admits Snooki’s hot).
4. It’s not required, but it’s appreciated if you have black hair. As he notes, he has silky locks like Justin Bieber so your strands have to be at LEAST on par with that.
5. NO ZITS. He can’t stress this enough. Even one zit is a no-no. “My skin is very clear,” he says. “I have gorgeous luscious eyes. My friends tell me I have lovely teeth. I have a sexy tongue for tonguing people. I’ve got a fit body as you can see.”
6. You have to be into vampires. Not in a weird kinky way but at least be a devoted fan of things like Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood.
7. You have to be into cats because he has a fluffy friend named Mr. Whiskers. Say hello to him.
We’re pretty sure this dude is an actor. What do you think? ULTIMATE TROLLER?