When we last heard from oldepayphone, we got the inside scoop on what it’s like to be an Instagram genius like Xavius. Maybe some Instagram-happy celebs can take a few words of wisdom from Xavius. Or us.
Today, we learned from this lovely creature how to totally screw up a first date. In Douche Date Part II (god forbid there’s a part I) we see a young woman’s descent into the depths of date hell. With every sip chug of red wine, the woman becomes less of a douche date and more of a sad, strange specimen. We feel for you, nameless douche date.
Here are five ways we learned how to screw up a first date from this “sexy” video.
1. If you do decide to squeeze your boobs together, make sure to imitate the mating call of a pterodactyl at the same time.
2. Stroke your cutlery lovingly in an attempt to hide your self pity.
3. Forget the dude’s name, but remember to call him “friggen” sexy. Friggen.
4. Talk about your perils of trying to be a Teen Mom cast member. Cry later.
5. The punch line to your perfect date? Flatulence.
Watch it here:
Adam Sandler’s Mr. Deeds inspired Justin Bieber. Remember the scene where Adam Sandler surprises Winona Ryder with a date at Madison Square Garden? Well Justin saw the movie recently and it got him thinking.
Last night, Justin was able to secure the entire Staples Center just for him and Selena to watch Titanic. Justin took Selena to the Demi Lovato concert at the Nokia Theater. He said, “Come with me” and took her underground to Staples Center. Justin didn’t have to pay for it because since he sold out the venue three times and it was empty they gave him the entire arena for free.
Huge boyfriend points.
Obviously Justin had to put his money where his mouth is after pressuring Mila Kunis to accept the proposal from Sgt. Scott Moore. He made the announcement during a press event with Mila Kunis.
“I’ll tell you what: I accept,” Timberlake said, adding that he loved that De Santis referenced his song, ‘Cry Me A River,’ in her YouTube proposal.
“If my schedule works out to do it, I’d love to do it. It’s an honor,” he said
We will give Justin this much – he is a standup guy.
Kunis initially agreed to go with Moore after he asked her via YouTube. However Access Hollywood reports that Kunis is backing out due to previous arrangements. What’s her arrangements? She’s filming two movies.
This must be the most heartbreaking news for Sgt. Moore. Imagine getting lucky enough for her to say “yes,” and then you suddenly learn she’s backing out. That’s like winning a million dollars, and dying the next day (sorry for the obvious Alanis Morissette reference.)
While he is still serving in Afghanistan, Moore spoke out on his invitation video saying how it started out as a bet.
“It was kind of a bet between me and Marines in my platoon,” he said when asked about how he came up with the idea of the video.
“I told everyone I was going to do it, but they didn’t think I would go through with it.”
But proving everyone wrong, he did it.
“One day we had a couple minutes, and I took another Marine out with me and we shot two takes. The first one was without sunglasses but I was squinting too much because it was so bright, so we shot the one I uploaded to YouTube. The rest of the Marines liked it, so I posted it that day.”
Scott, who has been contacted by Mila’s reps, also revealed that he didn’t have many doubts about scoring the date.
“Sometimes that’s all you need,” he said. “The Marines I work with did their best to spread it around.”
When he landed the date, he admitted, “My initial reaction was disbelief. It’s going to be a great experience to meet her, and it’s going to make the ball more special for everyone.”
Kunis agreed to go with Sgt. Moore to the Marine Corps Ball on November 18 in Greenville, North Carolina after hearing about the YouTube invitation during an interview with Fox411.
After Friends with Benefits co-star Justin Timberlake told her, “You need to do it for your country”, she consulted with her publicist and confirmed, “I’ll do it.”
Just when I thought Mila couldn’t get any cooler, she proved me wrong. It’s so great that she’s doing this as not only will it make Sgt. Moore a happy man, but also several Americans proud as well. What a great way to do her part as a citizen and serve her country!
Outspoken actor Zach Galifianakis has dissed Ke$ha, reports Canoe Jam.
Galifianakis says he has constantly denied Ke$ha’s requests for dates, and flat out bashed her music upon meeting the singer.
Ke$ha has previously stated that Galifianakis is her ideal man, admitting she has the hots for fat and bearded men, but Galifinakis apparently doesn’t have the same penchant for sleazy blonde popstars.
“I saw that Ke$ha woman the other day. She was sitting by herself, and I walked up to her and said, ‘Listen, I got your e-mail. Your music is really bad! I don’t know who listens to it, but I imagine it’s, like, six year olds – and it’s a bad message,’” he tells Rolling Stone Magazine.
This isn’t the first time the ‘Hangover’ star has publicly dissed a celebrity. Just recently, he took aim at actress January Jones, calling her “rude” and stating she is an actress “everybody’s going to forget about… in a few years”.
I love his outspoken nature! It’s not often celebrities are so open. I can’t say I blame him for denying a date with Ke$ha, I can only imagine how classy that evening would be.
Jordan Bortolotti is unquestionably talented when it comes to women, however even he can’t get every girl. An example is Christina Perri. Christina is an amazing singer/songwriter, who you may know from her hit song “Jar of Hearts.” Well Christina has exploded, having songs featured on So You Think You Can Dance, along with Glee. She has a new album “Lovestrong” released today, so Jordan discussed with her about this newest release, along with trying to pick her up. He fails.
And no, we’re not talking about her new record!
Pop sensation Britney Spears was photographed at her son Sean Preston’s little league game in Calabasas last week with current boyfriend Jason Trawick…and ex-husband K-Fed.
This is the first time Spears has been photographed publicly with her babydaddy since the couple split in 2006…and it looks like K-Fed is still packing on those pounds and rockin’ those cargo shorts!
Sounds awk-tastic! Do you think they swapped Britney stories?
There’s definitely “One Less Lonely Girl” in the world this week!
Justin Bieber skipped Superbowl fever this past weekend, instead opting to spend some time in Santa Monica with his girlfriend Selena Gomez. The pop sensations were photographed on the beach chatting, walking, smooching, and presumably laughing at Bieber’s utterly ridiculous cardigan.
Though the relationship has not been confirmed or denied, the Biebs has gone on record with Ryan Seacrest gushing over Gomez. “She’s like one of my best friends,” he divulged.
Well, we definitely foresee this relationship lasting a very long time. Possibly for all eternity. Only time will tell…
CLICK HERE to see the pics!
Madonna’s brother, Christopher Ciccone, has decided to rear his head in the media again!
It’s been three years since his tell-all book about his sister was released, and the siblings haven’t spoken since. Now that he’s ridden that wave for as long as possible, he’s decided to open up about Madonna’s love of younger men.
“I guess if she continues to date all these much younger guys, it could start to look creepy. But I think that a lot of Madonna’s emotional needs are met by taking care of her children; these boyfriends must really be like a kind of distraction for her. She certainly isn’t following societal values, but then again my sister never has and probably never will either.”
Hmm… we’re not the biggest Madonna fans, but at least we know we can’t tell her who to date!
Maybe you should keep your mouth shut, Chris!
We reported yesterday that Lindsay Lohan may be trying to rekindle the flame with ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson, but now it’s beginning to look like she’s got her fingers in more than one pie!
Lindsay has been spending a lot of time with “Inception” star Tom Hardy recently, especially after her stint in rehab. Tom is supposedly teaching her about sober living after rehab in a world full of temptations and triggers.
Lindsay has been “seriously listening” to the stories of Tom’s former addiction and trying to learn from them, according to Perez Hilton. And there’s no better person to get rehab advice from than a man who’s been successfully sober for eight years!
Hey, there’s no harm in having a little sober fun, right Lindsay?
Looks like Selena Gomez isn’t the only teenybopper that can look forward to a full mailbox of death threats!
16-year-old heartthrob Justin Bieber was snapped making out with a female fan in Toronto a few months ago and the pictures are finally out. Apparently a tween watched the Biebs make out with her BFF and managed to catch the moment on her camera!
“Justin and my friend Michelle kissed behind the Four Seasons Hotel downtown a few months ago while he was in town for a concert,” the amateur photog said. “I didn’t feel right about releasing it before, but now it’s fine cuz it’s been a while.”
Ouch! Getting the cold bite of rejection from Justin Bieber is sucky enough, but to watch him make out with your best friend?! Girl’s gonna need HELLA therapy!
TMZ is reporting that Lindsay Lohan just can’t let go of Samantha Ronson now that she’s out of rehab and feeling great.
Lindsay met up with her ex-girlfriend at a West Hollywood restaurant for some Saturday night girltalk. Though the topics on the table were not divulged, there’s probably one thing that came up – Lindsay and SamRo and officially neighbors now!
Oh wow! The only thing worse than clinging to an ex is moving in next door to them.
It’s been said that the girls are “getting along well” but are still “just friends.”
Good luck with whatever you’re trying to do here, Lindz!
It’s been confirmed by Perez Hilton that Madonna is indeed dating her choreographer, Brahim Rachiki.
Though Madonna’s reps have endlessly denied that the pair was canoodling for keeps, Rachiki’s mom begs to differ. She had this to say:
“My mouth fell open when I realized that my son was Madonna’s new boyfriend. It’s something I’m still trying to come to terms with. Madonna was already a big star when I was a schoolgirl, let alone when Brahim was growing up. The whole situation is very strange indeed – surreal even.”
Translation: Madge is a cougar and my son is the cougar bait!
We’ll never understand Madonna’s MILF appeal. She seems like a scary cold spider woman to us! Ah, well, as long as they’re both happy…
Here’s something we don’t think anybody knew – until last night at least. Jennifer Aniston was a guest on “The Daily Show” yesterday where she revealed her and Jon Stewart once dated!
The couple apparently had one date at a New York City Italian restaurant, but the love affair quickly ended after that. Ah well – everything happens for a reason.
How much money do you spend on a date? Does the total amount to 12 thousand dollars?
Probably not, but that’s the price that three fans have paid for a date with movie star, Anne Hathaway during a bidding at the 11th annual Cracked X-Mas Fundraiser held at the Wiltern Theatre in Los Angeles Sunday night.
“I’m not usually very forward, but I thought if there was ever a crowd for me to do something like this, this is my crowd so I would like to auction myself off for drinks somewhere fabulous and basically get you totally sh*tfaced. Tell me what I’m worth,” Hathaway said to People’s.
When Hathaway’s price continued to skyrocket, she stated, “I’m blushing. Wow, I feel really good right now.”
The fundraiser must have felt rather nice as well, because all of the night’s proceeds will be supporting the Trevor Project, a crisis helpline for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) youth.
Jack White definitely knows how to keep things interesting.
His band, The Raconteurs, are releasing their second album next week, entitled “Consolers of the Lonely.” Haven’t heard of it? Well, that’s because the band is changing the way albums are released.
Instead of releasing the album to press and promoting it beforehand, the band is releasing it to everyone in all mediums at the same time.
“The Raconteurs are happy to announce that in one week’s time their second album, entitled Consolers Of The Lonely, will be available EVERYWHERE Tuesday, March 25th,” their press release reads. “‘Album’ meaning: full length vinyl, CD and digital formats; and ‘everywhere’ meaning: local mom and pop Indie retailers, corporate superstores, supermarkets, iTunes, Amazon, the band’s own website and any other location that could get the record up and going this quickly (some places couldn’t move this fast, so they will join in as soon as they can).
The timeline for the album is amazing. It was “mastered and completed in the first week of March. It was then taken immediately to a vinyl pressing plant. Then to a CD pressing plant. Then preparations to sell it digitally began. March 25th became the soonest date to have it available in EVERY FORMAT AT ONCE.”
The band prefers that fans download the album together, not just as individual tracks.
