This dude is looking for an Internet girlfriend. Here are his qualifications:

1. You have to be “tall-ish” with the body of Jessica Stam.

2. You have to be hot.

3. He likes tan girls, but not burnt toast-tanned (even though he admits Snooki’s hot).

4. It’s not required, but it’s appreciated if you have black hair. As he notes, he has silky locks like Justin Bieber so your strands have to be at LEAST on par with that.

5. NO ZITS. He can’t stress this enough. Even one zit is a no-no. “My skin is very clear,” he says. “I have gorgeous luscious eyes. My friends tell me I have lovely teeth. I have a sexy tongue for tonguing people. I’ve got a fit body as you can see.”

6. You have to be into vampires. Not in a weird kinky way but at least be a devoted fan of things like Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood. 

7. You have to be into cats because he has a fluffy friend named Mr. Whiskers. Say hello to him.

We’re pretty sure this dude is an actor. What do you think? ULTIMATE TROLLER?