andPOP - Pop Culture With Substance

The Season 4 Finale wraps up with a Lauren Conrad-Heidi Montag… hug. Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth attend a major party hosted by Bolthouse. Heidi Montag is also there along with Holly Montag and Stephanie Pratt. There are WAY too many blondes in this episode. Some may argue there are never enough blondes, but as a brunette, I disagree. Heidi gets the courage to speak alone with LC. To break the ice, she asks her, “Have you been working out?” The talk then turns serious with Heidi admitting, “the only thing really missing in my life is you.” LC’s words to live by: “It is what it is, it’s not always fair.” The two reminisce and Heidi exclaims that she doesn’t feel like she’s getting older. Well she isn’t- hello, plastic surgery! They do exchange a hug at the end and finally, the world is at peace.

However, Heidi’s life still has enough drama. Everyone is shocked over her marriage. At work, Brent Bolthouse asks her about her vacation. Her answer: “I was in Mexico and kinda decided to get married.” Brent doesn’t believe it, “Shut Up.” She isn’t at all insulted: “We were down there and we had a couple Margaritas and there was a chapel there…it was the craziest thing I’ve ever done.” Okay Britney. Still, no one is more shocked than Heidi’s mom, Darlene Montag, who flies into LA demanding an explanation. When asked to explain how the wedding happened, Heidi announces that a couple margaritas + a beautiful sunset= a wedding. Spencer Pratt sits there the whole time, looking like Chewbacca with all his facial hair. He actually seems sad when Mrs. Montag speaks but who knows what Spencer is thinking. To make the marriage legal, they must have a ceremony in the U.S. The Speidies are opting for a City Hall event whereas Mrs. Montag wants Heidi to have her dream wedding. The next day, Mrs. Montag comes by and has a chat with Spencer. She tells him the wedding is “too fast, it’s too much.” Spencer doesn’t see anything wrong with that, telling her that once the City Hall ceremony is completed, “you’ll be my mom.” No wonder she’s freaking out. Later on, Spencer and Heidi meet at City Hall with Stephanie Pratt as their witness. Spencer is oh-so-romantic, “Come on, let’s just do this.” They listen to the judge’s words, Heidi already says “I do” and only then does Spencer finally have a change of heart. Well he finally shows he has a heart. The Tinman Pratt asks Heidi if she is sure that this is the wedding she wants, not a big one and with her family mad at her. Heidi breaks down in tears and Spencer agrees to give her the wedding of her dreams. Newsflash, the dude does have a soul.

If there’s hope for Spencer, there must be hope for Justin Bobby. Audrina Patridge and Justin Bobby go on a romantic getaway to Palm Springs. Justin Bobby is wearing overalls and looks alarmingly like Luigi. Would that make Audrina Mario? The guy gets creepier by the second, telling Audrina he wants to stay there forever. Basically, he wants to lock her away. “You’re a rare one,” Justin Bobby tells her. “You’re very rare,” she says right back to him. I can’t tell if they’re complimenting or insulting one another. Their romantic vacation ends on a high note when Justin Bobby uses his teeth to take off a ring on one of his fingers in order to give it to Audrina. We can’t tell if he’s proposing or just thanking her for still speaking to him. But who knows, maybe Spencer is rubbing off on him! I can’t wait for the next season but for now we’ll just have to make do with The City!

When Kelly Cutrone “immediately” needs help in New York, Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port drop everything and go. Cutrone is still the scariest woman of the Hills as we witness her yelling at one of her employees to hang up the phone and get to business. LC and Whitney are there to help with Andrew Buckler’s show during New York Fashion Week for Menswear. The girls are giddy with excitement- especially Whitney at the thought of seeing Alex, the hot model, again. Cutrone tells the girl they “will be seeing him in his underwear a lot.” Whitney and Alex hang out during the show and he asks for her opinion on his make-up, “you just look like you have a really bad fake tan.” When did Whit become such a bitch?! Meanwhile Lauren is befriending Texan Model Adam who invites her and Whitney to his restaurant, “Il Bastardo” for after the show. That night, they arrive and Whitney is instantly mesmerized by the band playing, especially its lead singer, Jay the Aussie. She admits to Lauren, “I can’t be too forward” but 10 seconds later approaches Jay and buys him a shot. Yeah Whitney, not forward at all. But he does promise to sing for her later. “Oh my God and he has an accent… SO Hot!” She tells LC. Alex looks sad and asks Whitney to come sit with him but she says she can’t leave Lauren. Of course she’s also okay leaving the club alone with Jay. Didn’t seem to be thinking about LC then…and she doesn’t even say goodbye to Alex. It’s a whole new side of Whitney!

Unlike Whitney, Spencer Pratt only has one side- the douchbag one. He doesn’t understand why Heidi Montag is sad. Dude, she just got fired.
Spencer: “Why are you in such a bad mood yo?”
Heidi: “Because I got fired from my job that I worked really hard at for 3 years at by being such an idiot.”
At least she’s finally admitting it. She decides to go work on her resume. Spencer’s words of advice “you can put me down as a reference.” Spencer somehow convinces her to go ‘celebrate’ getting fired or as he calls it, her moment of freedom. They head over to club Ultimate where they spot Brent Bolthouse at the bar. Of course Spencer thinks it’s a great idea to go defend Heidi. Heidi knows it’s a bad idea “No, don’t say anything.” Like the 5-year-old that he is, Spencer pretends to go to the bathroom and talks to Brent instead. When he tries to vouch for Heidi, Brent puts him down worse than Heidi’s mom did: “I don’t understand why every time you come around there’s problems… I don’t even know you, Heidi should be talking to me.” Spencer apologizes and slinks off. Heidi realizes she has to mend the situation and Spencer tries to perk her up “You can’t get fired twice.” When she talks to Brent, he seems to consider hiring her back as long as Spencer never goes near the place, “your boyfriend’s a nightmare.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Lauren Conrad asks Audrina Patridge advice on what to wear to a rock concert. She desperately needs help since her current idea is to just cut up a shirt. But Audrina isn’t going to be around for these kinds of things much longer. She announces she’s moving out that week. Lauren just can’t hold a roomie for long. Audrina is considering moving in with Justin and of course no one thinks that’s a good idea, including Justin. When she asks him if he wants to move in, his reply is “you know what let it just happen and see what happens.” What does that even mean?! Audrina will probably change her mind anyway when she realizes first-hand that the guy never showers. She invites her very tattooed sister over Casey Patridge to take a look at the house and fills her in on the decorating scheme: “I want to put candles everywhere.” That’s smart- buy a house and make it a fire hazard. Audrina explains to Casey she wants a romantic feel in order to rekindle her flame with Justin. Casey is worried Audrina only bought the house to improve her relationship with Justin, not just for herself. Even Lo seems concerned and is sad their living situation didn’t work out. Lauren Conrad tells it like it is: “I don’t think this was ever her home.” Lo blames it on Justin Bobby making things awkward since he still hates her for naming him, “A man so great he needed two names.” On Audrina’s last day, Lauren and her promise they’ll always be there for one another and can get together to cry at any time. How sweet? Living with Justin is sure to bring tears.

One person completely overjoyed about Audrina moving out is Spencer Pratt. Heidi Montag invites Audrina, Stephanie and Spencer to a Bolthouse opening of club XIV. Heidi calls herself “Mrs.Coordinator” and yet spends the entire night partying with her friends. Audrina brings Casey and Justin with her and the gang toast to her moving out. Spencer tells Audrina she and Justin should move in together since it worked out so great for Heidi and him. Um yeah, cause they’re just great role models. Instead of doing her job like her co-worker Kimberly, Heidi spends the night drinking and drinking some more. Halfway through the night she yells out “can we get another tequila? I’m so wasted!” Smart move especially since her boss’s partner Sam Nazari is around. He decides to see what’s going on, “are we still working here tonight?” Heidi’s reply: “are you?” Great, use sarcasm to piss off the big guy. So it comes as no surprise the next day when Brent Bolthouse decides to investigate. He first questions Kimberly if she drank the night before and she promises “out of respect for you I wouldn’t do that.” When he asks about Heidi she answers she has no idea. Kimberly doesn’t stick up for her at all! But considering what Heidi did to Elodie, Bolthouse and screwed over seem to go hand in hand. Heidi admits to Bolthouse she did have a drink since she thought her job was over. I guess she doesn’t realize planning an event means working the entire night. Bolthouse reads her the riot act and fires her. Most employees would at least try to stick up for themselves in hopes of keeping the job, but Heidi spends the entire time just nodding her head.

It’s the Season Finale! Tension continues heating up between Lauren Conrad, Lo Bosworth and Audrina Patridge, and Justin Bobby is encouraging it. He and Audrina go house-hunting at a loft-like pad as he advises her to move out. She’s not the only one feeling the tension. Whitney Port questions Lauren Conrad at work about her roommate situation and LC’s response is: “I just don’t see her that much.” Umm don’t you live together? Lauren Conrad really sends a message when she explains her relationship with Audrina: “The thing we have in common is that we live together.” Shouldn’t best friends have more in common than a roof? Oh wait, they have separate ones.

In order to try to make peace, Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth organize a roommate dinner and invite Audrina Patridge to partake. A new Lo-ism emerges as she starts eating: “This is so not going to be good for my behind!” Lo expresses concern that she hardly knows Audrina and isn’t really close with her. Shouldn’t you not gossip about someone when they live with you? At least have the decency to do it far away! Audrina maybe telepathic as she skips dinner and walks by without any words to her roomies. Lauren Conrad finally gets the courage to have a heart to heart with Audrina. Audrina comes to the root of the matter and explains that she feels that LC has been ignoring her. Audrina blames Lo for pushing them away. LC can’t take the criticism and gets defensive. I agree with Audrina, even if LC doesn’t. May I remind her of the puppy mommy comments? The two still don’t seem to see eye to eye as LC leaves in tears. Break ups and moves out seem to be on the horizon. Lo has won this roomie war.

Stephanie Pratt hasn’t won the roomie war as Spencer is still sleeping on her couch after she told him to move out. His reason “Heidi made me lose my mind.” Newsflash buddy, you lost it awhile ago. Spencer questions good ol’ sis about where Heidi is. Stephanie tries to keep it a secret for all of two seconds and admits that Heidi is in LA and might be planning on staying there. Spencer’s bright idea: go to Vegas. Didn’t he learn from Colorado? Why can’t the guy just wait a week? Spencer and Stephanie head off to Vegas so Spencer can be a douchbag in a different city. Heidi Montag is with Sam Nazarian and Brent Bolthouse looking into the casino market. Heidi as project manager? Something is bound to screw up. And who better than Mr. Screw-up himself, Spencer Pratt, to do it. Spencer gets Stephanie to call Heidi and find out where she is. This girl needs to choose a side and stop being so schizo! Spencer walks in on Heidi and her bosses having drinks. He steals her away in order to confess his undying love without any romance or emotion; at least the words fit: “We need to be together… come back to LA with me.” This seems to work as she chooses to fly back to LA with him as opposed to a private jet with her bosses. However, she doesn’t even let them know about it. Maybe Elodie will get her job now? Seems like coming back to LA with Spencer and maybe starting an Aquarium /Arcade/ Graffiti Company is appealing.