Laid back, So-Cal cool retailer American Eagle has “graciously” taken the next steps in making skinny jeans even skinner with their Spray On Skinny jeans.
Apparently, this is an actual product that they’re selling online. For $49.95 you can get two spray cans, one in the light “wash” and the other in indigo. While they are available for men and women, all 1,000 of the limited edition run are “sold out.”
It’s like AE execs were reading a little too much into Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue (or lack thereof) and though that no, jeggings weren’t enough to burn the retinas of our eyes. They even made a commercial just to show us how disturbing this product really is (watch it below).
“I like skinny jeans,” says one actor. “But sometimes they’re not skinny enough.” Wait, what? Losing feelings in your legs is not skinny enough? Being unable to bend down is not skinny enough? What is wrong with you?
We have a couple of questions for those “people” who bought the stuff:
1. How do you cover your junk?
2. How do you draw on the pockets?
3. What is an appropriate venue to be sporting the “jeans”?
Oh, I hope this is just a really bad April Fool’s joke because I’m really not up for the task of trying to awkwardly sidestep anyone “wearing” a pair of skinny skinny jeans. Bumping into them would get awkward really, really fast.
WATCH THE COMMERCIAL BELOW:
By Stephanie Vizi
Who: Kristen Stewart at Comic Con
Why we love it: Kristen exudes coolness with her wind-swept waves, casual T-shirt and stretch skirt. She epitomizes street style by completing her look with strategically undone high tops. Don’t be afraid to mix patterns and add vibrant pops of colour to this look. Stack your arms with bangles and you are ready for any summer festival.
Here are five things I learned from this nature photographer Greg, who photographs the rare American Eagle… model.
1) They’re not that hard to find. The rare American Eagle model can be found in fields, on beaches — alone or together — at night. Pretty much everywhere.
2) They’re defined by their ethnic ambiguity and the alpha make usually has defined pelvic bones.
3) They’re also characterized by their attempt to mimic human behaviour but they can’t seem to get it right. Snow pants and sandals, wet suits with messenger bags, who are these ‘people?’ They carry surfboards and props but have no idea what to do with them.
4) They are FAR less dangerous than American Apparel models but rarely reproduce.
5) Behind their vague disinterest you might see a glimpse of human intelligence. But then you remember they’re just beautiful animals. [CollegeHumor]
“Hear To Help,” a collaboration between Filter Magazine and American Eagle, will raise money for Oxfam America’s Haitian relief effort.
The CD will be sold through American Eagle stores in North America for $10, and an online version will be released tomorrow (Wednesday, Feb. 24) from AE.com.
Check out the “Hear to Help” track list:
Everyone has that one item that they?ve been wearing for years: a t-shirt from junior high school gym class, a pair of jeans that?s still worn despite torn hems and holes up the hoo-ha and in my case, a gray hoodie that?s been washed and worn to a point where it?s practically white.
But with stores like American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch and coming soon to the Eaton Centre, Hollister, you can purchase clothes and accessories that gives the illusion that you?ve had them for years.
This is why I don?t shop at these stores. Seriously, why would I shell out $60 for a shirt that looks like I found it at Value Village for $2? I know it?s all a part of that surfer/skater look (for suburbanites who don?t actually surf or skate) but for these prices I?d rather take the $60 and spend it on skating lessons or a shirt that doesn?t make me look like a literal beach bum.
A friend once gave me a baseball cap from American Eagle for my birthday. It was a faded navy colour, there was a tear in the front and the iron-on graphic was almost completely peeled off. Considering I spent $50 for his birthday present, my face had that ?Don?t look at a gift horse in the mouth? expression. But what should I do when the horse looks like something from the bottom of a lost and found bin? Moments later I saw the American Eagle tag and I realized that it was in fact, a brand new hat that wasn?t run over by a truck during a thunderstorm.
I understand the whole vintage look but I rather wear a new un-?vintaged? pair of jeans until they?re soft and broken in. It sounds silly but you?ll get that sentimental attachment to the clothes after wearing it for so long. Buying something that looks worn just isn?t the same. For one thing, at least I got to enjoy the jeans when it was new, you know, before the addition of the holes and stains that automatically jacked up the price two-fold.
Are you that impatient that your clothes must look like crap now? Don?t you even want to enjoy those few months when the shirts are still crisp and retaining their bright colour? Give it a try, people would stop giving you spare change on the streets but trust me, it?s a good thing.
Another trend that I largely blame on these stores are the slogan t-shirts. I beg and beg for this plague to relinquish its hold on the retail industry but it continues to spread. I must have sold fur coats in my past life and this is my punishment. Nevertheless, I absolutely hate these supposedly clever slogans with their double entendres and eye-rolling puns.
Ladies, I hope you?re right when your shirt says, ?You can?t get this in the states.? Isolate this monstrosity of a t-shirt and let it shrivel up along with other vomit-inducing slogans like, ?I?m his because he appreciates perfection? and ?Better forget it because you?ll never get it.? Why don?t you just get to the point and write ?Moron? on the shirt? At least it?s succinct and it?ll be easier to see if guys are reading your shirt or just staring at your chest.
Speaking of guys, the slogan t-shirts aren?t looking good on you either. It?s not considered clever when every other kid is wearing it at the food court. It?s the high school version of those ?Licensed Bikini Inspector? shirts that frat guys get in a case of Budweiser. Ever notice that the guys who wear shirts that say, ?Brewology 101? or ?Don?t forget to tip your bartender? are usually the ones who?ve never drank in their life? Please, if you?re going to wear anything that subtly promotes alcohol (or in Bluenotes? case, pot) at least be a connoisseur.
Another aspect of the surfer/skater look that I?m finding, fortunately, to be on the way out is the trend of tucking in the front of your shirt in so that your ever so classy giant belt buckle could be exposed to the world. What was up with that? Are we supposed to believe that your shirt strategically tucked itself in at the front and your wacky tacky faux rodeo belt buckle is accidentally shown despite your humble attempts to conceal it? It?s the new equivalent to showing the underwear waistband. Purposely showing something that?s supposed to come across as accidental? I?m on to you. Please let this accidental trend stop before tan lines and skid marks start appearing in next season?s campaigns.
I guess this whole vintage/faded look is alright if you?re going to have pizza with friends or run to the grocery store. But even so, I wouldn?t spend a hundred dollars at American Eagle when I can look like crap for free. And don?t you even think about putting that on a t-shirt.