Whitney Port finally has her own storyline and the Hills cameras are there to capture every quasi-scripted moment. However, Whitney shouldn’t worry about MTV stealing the rights to her life since her boss at People’s Revolution has already done that. Whitney informs Lauren Conrad that she has to go to NYC pronto since “when [Kelly Cutrone] wants you she wants you.” Kelly Cutrone is not only in charge of Whitney’s work life, she also takes control of her love life. During a photo shoot in NYC, Kelly informs her that it’s fine to ask the male models to drop their pants and take off their shirts. Hmm, can I get that job? Alex, one of the models, stands out from the rest as both he and Whitney had gone to USC. Kelly picks up on their vibe and asks Alex to have drinks with them that night. It seems that Kelly wants a piece of the action too. However, she later phones Whitney to inform her that she can’t make it. “No one’s coming, it’s just you and me,” Whitney tells Alex. He doesn’t seem phased and proposes a walking tour of the city. Alex tries to convince Whitney that NYC is amazing. I guess selling your soul for a hot male model with a degree isn’t so bad. Plus think of all the air miles she’s getting.

Back in LA, Lauren Conrad’s love life is taking an opposite turn. She admits to Whitney that the spark between her and Doug just isn’t there. When Whitney gives her advice on how to end it, Lauren retorts “how would you like to be dumped?” She has a similar conversation with Brody where she admits that her type of guy is one she’s already dated. However, unlike Whitney, Brody’s helpful comments involve “I told you so” and “can we talk about us getting naked tonight!” She sure knows how to pick ‘em. Doug seems to be a passing fad. However, rather than answer any of Doug’s calls, LC pulls a Heidi and decides to ignore them. However, she finally stops by his place and has a heart-to-heart. Oddly enough, Doug looks much better when he’s getting dumped than when he’s getting some. He tells LC that he’s treated her like a princess and then agrees to stay good friends.

LC also decides to stop by Stephanie Pratt’s place where she voices the line all girls should take note of: “I’ve waited too long to pick the wrong guy… you don’t settle.” I guess Heidi didn’t get that memo. But Stephanie wins the award for dumbest chick this episode when she fully convinces herself that her guinea pig is a hamster. When LC tries to point out the facts, a confused Stephanie explains that her pet used to be a hamster but is now a guinea pig.

Instead of buying herself a much needed encyclopedia, Stephanie arrives at Spencer’s place with peace-offering-presents. The presents only slightly melt Spencer’s frozen heart. He laughs at Stephanie and tells her “you want you, me, and LC to all be friends?” Earlier that week, Spencer had told Heidi during dinner that he would never talk to Stephanie again. Heidi tells him that she misses Stephanie and then proceeds to drink a lot of wine, which is what she usually does around him. I don’t blame her. Especially when halfway through dinner, Spencer looks at his watch and announces “time to get in bed and cuddle my dear.”