Don't be scared, you won't need all of those. At once.

Nerd Games (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love RPGs)

You start work at a new office.  You meet someone on the subway or a streetcar, and conversation starts.  For someone like me (men in their early twenties), mentioning to someone you play video games still has a bit of a nerdy connotation to it.  Although video games have definitely become a mainstream form of entertainment for boys and girls alike and even more significantly men and women, if you ask someone you just met if they’ve played Fallout 3 or Oblivion, you run the risk of sounding like a nerd (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  You may even come across as childish, although  it’s become popular opinion that video games can and are played by men and women of all ages.   All said though, it’s not really too big of a deal.

Now try the exact same situation, but instead of asking your new-found friend if they have played the new Call of Duty or Batman: Arkham Asylum you ask them if they know what Dungeons and Dragons is.  Completely different story.  Telling someone in 2009 that you play Dungeons and Dragons is like telling someone in 1989 that you play video games – or Dungeons and Dragons, for that matter.

Playing in a basement is not a requirement.

Now comes the part where I explain what Dungeons and Dragons is to the people who are ready to skip the rest of this article and Youtube “Cats Doing Things That Are Mildly Amusing.”

Dungeons and Dragons is a roleplaying game that has been the biggest influence for every other RPG ever made since.  Ever. Oblivion, Mass Effect, Diablo, you name it.  Even games like Mafia Wars on Facebook are a result of the core idea of roleplaying games. It is played by 2 or more players and one Games Master (GM).  The long and short of it is that each player creates a character according to the structure of the game, following a procedure to define their character’s various abilities and modus operandi.  The actual playing of the game is essentially that the GM is telling a story, in which all of the players are playing the roles of their respective characters.  Hence, role playing game.  There is a combat system so when the party needs to throw down it’s easy and fun to play and the rest of the time it is relatively free-roaming, with the GM providing narrative and some direction to the party who can act as they wish to accomplish the goal (save the girl, get the rock/sword/etc.).  And along the way you earn experience, which makes your characters gradually more badass, and gold, which allows you to buy more badass equipment for your characters, further increasing the badass quotient.

Sound familiar?  It should – it’s every RPG of all time.  So what’s with the stigma associated with paper-and dice RPGs?  The only difference between what I explained above and say, World of Warcraft is that the stories are invariably more interesting, the dynamic of the party is more story-driven, and instead of developing carpal tunnel syndrome clicking incessantly you roll dice to determine the outcome of combat and some skill-based checks here and there.  Also, you play across a table – not across a city, province, country or continent.

I haven’t been playing paper-and-dice RPGs for as long as I have been video gaming.  I was introduced to a great game called RIFTS by a good friend of mine when he moved to Toronto from Montreal.  Since then, I have kept playing with a group of friends throughout high school and during our respective post-secondary educations.  Sometimes a game is called off for a date or prior engagement, but we play once a week pretty regularly.  We’ve gone through elves, dwarfs, humans and half-orcs.  We’ve played rogues, wizards, sorcerers (yes, there’s a difference), fighters and clerics.  Dragons?  Slain ‘em.  Dungeons? Crawled ‘em.

Chapter 4 is how to play a half-elf without sounding like a douche

But I digress.  The stigma of being a RPGamer – I just made that up, by the way, (edit: No I didn‘t – thanks, Google) has kept a lot of people from enjoying this great genre of gaming.  The fact that most people will play more FarmVille in their lives than RIFTS or D&D is depressing to say the least.  I will say that as much as I despise it, World of Warcraft has done more to bring paper-and-dice RPGs into the mainstream (by way of their similarities in a community-multiplayer idea) than anything else in the last 10 years.  A game that you really can’t play by yourself sounds like a hard idea to pitch to traditional gamers, but it worked.  Oh boy, did it ever work.

Although WoW brought the Diablo-esque MMORPG into mainstream culture, it’s still seen as a nerdy activity by most, and paper-and-dice RPGs even more so.  But I say great – I enjoy having a group of like-minded friends not worried about what everyone else is thinking, ready to play the nerdiest game we can think of.  It doesn’t hurt that some awesome celebrities play D&D – Vin Diesel is a class-A nerd, along with Robin Williams (although I’d imagine getting him to sit at a table for more than 10 minutes is more difficult than learning the game), Marilyn Manson, Stephen Colbert (getting him to shut up for a minute is probably even more difficult than getting Robin Williams to sit still) and of course, the ever-awesome Kevin Smith (who I would imagine runs very dialogue-heavy campaigns).

So the next time you meet a stranger and are looking for something to say, try asking if they have ever played a video game.  If they say yes, you could try asking if (gasp!) they have ever tried D&D.  You can always say “me neither” if they say no.

Just watch out for those Live Action Role-Playing (LARP) people.  You know, the ones that dress up as their characters and swing Styrofoam swords at each other?  Stay away from them; those guys are nerds.

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

Disney Interactive Studios has announced that Mickey Mouse will be taking his adventures beyond Kingdom Hearts. Along with Junction Point, Disney is developing a new platform-adventure gaming starring the 81-year old anthropomorphic rodent.

In Disney Epic Mickey, the mouse pulls an inFAMOUS and unwittingly devastates the world of the Cartoon Wasteland, where old and retired cartoon characters go – which ironically sounds like Florida without Disneyland.

Mickey stumbles into this realm and must choose to be a hero or to just get the hell out as fast as he can, since being the mouse that inadvertently rained destruction on this world he isn’t exactly popular. Sounds good, especially with the combat style being approached from the 4th-wall breaking idea of paints and thinners.  I’ve always wanted to erase Donald Duck anyway.

So playing Fable as Mickey Mouse, huh? Sounds interesting. We’ll keep an eye on it for you.

Cheers.

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?  It’s something I ask of all my readers… I just like the sound of it.

And with that not-so-obscure reference, we begin our review of Batman: Arkham Asylum, which is the best game of 2009.  Yes, I am saying that in October.

I have been drooling over this game for months now, and anxiously anticipating doing this review.  Now, as much as I would like to give an unbiased and honest review of Batman: Arkham Asylum, that is impossible.  I am a huge Batman fanboy (Batboy?) and although this will be a fair and balanced review, I am obviously biased in some respects.  I mean, I am literally wearing a Batman T-shirt right now, and not even for the purpose of this review.  Just ‘cause, suckers.

But I digress.  This game is set over the course of one night on Arkham Island.  Batman has apprehended the Joker, and hauls him back to the asylum.  Joker doesn’t really mind though, and proceeds to take over the asylum and release the inmates.  Great. Now Bats has to pick up all the pieces.

Quite possibly the coolest feature of this game is the nature of the gameplay itself.  You don’t just run into rooms to find a group of baddies and subsequently dispatch them.  Okay, you do – but not all the time.  You don’t just prowl from room to room in the shadows, sneaking up behind guys and taking them out without a sound.  Okay, you do – but not all the time.  You don’t just solve puzzles and riddles.  Okay, you get the point.

I'm totally going to win that giant stuffed gorilla.

The seamless transition from the gangbang combats to invisible predator rooms to the riddles and whatnot in between really make this game flow exceptionally well.  That’s actually the primary element of this game -flow. The combat is actually called Freeflow Combat – using your various attacks to open up a can of Bat-Whoop-Ass on the various miscreants you encounter throughout the game by seamlessly landing blow after blow on opponent after opponent rather than one at a time.   You can even mix in attacks from the various gadgets you acquire over the course of the game – the Batarang, Batclaw and Shark-Repellant Bat-Spray.  Okay, not that last one.

There are some games out there that have alternative modes of play that are not exactly the greatest thing to ever happen to gaming.  Arkham Asylum is not one of these games.  The challenge modes are amazing – each of which is basically one of the different combat rooms you will encounter throughout the game.  This allows you to pick up Arkham Asylum anytime, and run through as much or as little of the different facets of this game at your leisure – which I have done ad nauseum.  Even more awesome – there is downloadable content that allows you to go on a murderous rampage as none other than the one and only Clown Prince of Crime – the Joker, however, only on the PlayStation 3.  The lack of grappling hook and gliding is made up for with the awesomeness of walking around the challenge rooms dispatching guards with kicks to the nuts, exploding-chattering teeth, kicks to the nuts and a legit gun.  Yes, Joker straight-up murders people with a gun.  Also, he kicks them in the nuts – did I mention that?

In this reviewer’s not-so-humble opinion, the pinnacle of the gameplay is the Invisible Predator mode.  When I think of Batman, I think of moments like the scene in Batman Begins where the criminals are being picked off one by one, growing ever more terrified as their numbers dwindle.  This is the epitome of Batman and also the core element of the Invisible Predator style of gameplay.  For me, it just doesn’t get any better than grappling from gargoyle to gargoyle in the shadows, gliding down behind a gun-wielding psychopath and choking him into unconsciousness, then hanging upside-down in the shadows and grabbing his buddy when he comes to help.  If the criminals are terrified, then bonus – more on that later.

Hello, my name is Joker. And this is my friend, Obscenely Large Revolver.

The Detective Mode is more likely than not the mode you will view the majority of the game in. Although sacrificing the gorgeous graphics somewhat, you can see everything that is pertinent to the mission at hand and more, from vent covers that can be removed and entered, to lingering bad breath or tobacco traces in the air.  While reducing the challenging element of problem solving, it doesn’t really matter – the game remains moderately challenging puzzle-wise with the ever-narcissistic Riddler hitting you with clues to the hundreds of enigmas and brain-teasers throughout Arkham Island.  Detective Mode also allows you to view enemies through walls, and examine their armament and status – status meaning whether they are Calm, Nervous, Terrified or Crazed.  Try to keep the enemies Terrified – they start shooting at noises in the darkness, and basically turn into whiny 8-year old girls.

As I mentioned earlier, the graphics in Arkham Asylum are gorgeous.  Simply gorgeous.  The dark, gothic atmosphere of Gotham and Arkham (hey, did you ever notice those are spelled similarly?) are captured perfectly.   The environment almost has a personality – brooding, dark and malicious. The animations on the enemies are smooth and functional at worst, disturbing and frenetic at best – exactly what you would expect from the psychos and maniacs stalking the halls of the asylum.  However, they tend to fall limp in unrealistic ways when you knock them out, but it’s a minor issue. The animations on the main characters are even better.  By main characters of course, I mean Batman – and his cape.  The cloak is almost a character unto itself, flowing behind you when you run, snapping out into a wing-like profile when you glide, and gradually becoming more tattered and ripped as Batman’s night gets worse.

Where the hell did I park the car?

The sounds of Arkham are also very conducive to the mood – the only way the soundtrack could be better would be if it had a bit more variety to it – low strings and baritone throughout – or if Danny Elfman just did the score.  Speaking of nostalgia, the voice acting is superb, with the quintessential voices from the DC Animated universe coming on board – Kevin Conroy as the Dark Knight, and the amazing Mark Hamill as the Joker.  Heath Ledger, step aside – for this incarnation of the Joker, the Force is strong with this one.

I thoroughly enjoyed Batman: Arkham Asylum.  It combines all the elements of an exceptional game – graphics, solid and intuitive gameplay that isn’t oversimplified or overly complex, and an atmosphere and story that draws in the gamer allowing them to fully appreciate all the other elements of the game.  All these elements come together to stomp more face than a professional face stomper – wearing stompin’ boots.

You didn’t think really I’d end my review of a Batman game without mentioning face-stomping, did you?

Cheers.

Gameplay – 5/5

Graphics – 5/5

Sound – 5/5

Replay Value – 5/5

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Yes, comics and video games are not strange bedfellows, but EA is taking the next step and releasing (through IDW Publishing) comics revolving around their popular Army of Two franchise, as well as the Bioware RPG inspired Dragon Age. These comics will be available for purchase as hard copy, as well as digital versions for the iPhone, iPod Touch and “other emerging digital platforms”.

Interesting, to be sure. But what is perhaps the coolest thing about this announcement is that Orson Scott Card, author of the eternally awesome Ender’s Game will be involved with the Dragon Age comic. Booyah!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

Parent’s Just Don’t Understand… Yet?

Hey Ethel! I killed those Nazi zombies with my, uhh... I killed those Nazis!

Our parents are great, for the most part.  When we are too small to defend or feed ourselves, they take care of us.  As we grow and mature, they guide and nurture us so that we can become fully functional human beings, and not the equivalent of lower primates, sitting in trees flinging our own crap at each other (thank you Red Forman).  But one area where most parents don’t quite have the ability to be the all-knowing influence they would like to be:  video games.

When I was growing up playing tag and hide-and-seek, my parents totally understood.  They would ask how the game went, where I was hiding, what kind of tag rules I played with – they were very involved, because they could relate my experience to their own. However, when I picked up my first Genesis game, they watched Sonic the Hedgehog like he was an alien from outer space (wait, was he?), shook their heads, and left the room.  Thus ended my parent’s ability to fully understand me – from that day forward, there would always be that barrier between us – the invisible yet impassable wall made of 1-ups and gold coins.

But will it always be this way?  Should I ever be unfortunate enough to have a pack of small versions of me running around underfoot, will I end up leaving them to their own devices when it comes to electronic entertainment?  Or will I be able to enjoy a visit with them to our very own holodeck (wishful thinking, I know) once in a while?

Mastering DDR will never make your kids think you're cool. It may actually hurt that cause.

We know that most parents of the young (18 and under) gaming demographic right now, as well as the parents of my generation, the old guard of gaming (22-30 as of 2009) are lost when it comes to games.  This is mostly because games they played when they were young were not video games.  Board games and outdoor games were the pastimes of the day.  If kids today suddenly picked up jacks or kick the can, their grandparents would be all over it.  Any video games that these parents played were arcade games at best – a far cry from the Super Nintendo.

The difference there is that when my generation starts having kids (and some unlucky and/or stupid members already have), what kind of tech-savvy parents will we be?  I’m sure that there will be the parents who just don’t get it, and that’s fine.  But consider that our generation was the first real generation to have the bridge between adult’s childhood games and their children’s games blown to pieces by the advent of console gaming, leaving them to stare across the gap at their offspring playing games they could barely understand.  Believe me when I tell you tag has been around forever. Your parents and their parents never reached an impasse because Grandpa couldn’t understand what was going on in hide-and-seek.  So is it so revolutionary that we may be able to relate better to the next generation than our parents could with us?  Or were Mom and Dad the exception to the rule?

I think it will be interesting to see whether or not the developing demographic of casual gamers rises to the challenge to understand and appreciate their kids’ new games.  It might be depressing and embarrassing to be the guy who has to say to his kid “In my day, we had to play video games with controllers!  On TV screens!  That’s television, son! And we were thankful!” However, if you sit with the kid after your rant, and see what the new game is for the PS4000, you might just earn his respect. At least until you slip gradually into senility and start cursing at the child while making obscene gestures every time you lose (although a symptom of senility, this is also a symptom of FAIL).

Hey Timmy, are you playing the new Poke-a-man? Sure, Mom.

The last time I talked to my mom about video games was actually not that long ago.  I asked her (with this article in mind) the last video game she had played besides the ill fated night she tried to play GoldenEye on the N64 with my brothers and I (good night, by the way – she spent 5 straight minutes trying to shoot out a camera with dual RCP90′s – and infinite ammo).  She then told me that I should be proud to have a mother who could beat my father at Donkey Kong Jr. at the arcade when they were young lovers.  I was blown away!  Could this veneer of kindness, smiles and silly voices hide an inner core of gaming prowess that I simply never noticed before?  Time for a follow-up question.  Say Mom, you played  Donkey Kong Jr., so you must remember Pac-Man, right?

“Oh yeah.  He eats things, and…”

Yeah, I know.  I laughed too.

If you have any hilarious stories about your parents/kids and video gaming, or the opposite event of a parent stomping you in Halo or Mario Kart, let me know below.  This might even lead to a Top 5 List!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

Are you excited for EA Sports NHL 10? If you’re Canadian, probably.  The #1 selling console game in Canada has it’s launch parties in Toronto and Vancouver Monday, September 14.  The Toronto party will be at the Yonge and Dundas Future Shop with Wendel Clark and Ian White (of Maple Leafs fame) from 9pm to 11:45pm, and in Vancouver’s Granville and Robson Future Shop with Trevor Linden of the Canucks.  The Future Shop locations will be open until 1am, so check it out if you’re not too busy… and on a Monday night, what’s your excuse?

Cheers!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

I'd hate to see the result of this guy losing rock paper scissors.

You know, I have recently become enamored with the idea of the Top 5 List, as I’m sure you have gathered from the numerous past blogs in that fashion.  I think that it’s interesting to see what trends and relationships different games share.  However, it’s only a matter of time before these lists devolve into trite ideas like “The Top 5 Headshots in Video Games” or “The Top 5 Witty Remarks in Video Games”.

So I think I’ll take a break from my beloved yet frivolous Top 5′s, and talk a bit more directly on a more serious subject that affects people all over the world, gamers and non-gamers alike: Game Rage.

Urban Dictionary defines Game Rage as “when a person or persons playing a videogame (usually multiplayer) gets so fed up of losing that they suffer an episode of intense rage that usually lasts up to 5 minutes.” They go on to say that the rager may “simultaneously sob, scream unintelligibly at the top of their lungs, and throw random punches at anything solid, such as the floor or the person sitting next to them” and perhaps most importantly, that “despite the person’s efforts, their gameplay is inevitably not improved by this course of action.”

What Urban Dictionary doesn’t tell you is that Fallacious Anger and Ineptitude-based Limitation disorder or F.A.I.L. is a very real and dangerous affliction.

A classic example of FAIL.

Thousands, maybe even millions of gamers across the world suffer from FAIL.  Many gamers suffer from FAIL for years and don’t realize it until they begin experiencing secondary symptoms, such as broken knuckles and lacerations from punching TV’s, loss of dignity, or incontinence.  Although FAIL is not a communicable disease, it can result in annoyance in people experiencing prolonged exposure to someone with FAIL.  This means that someone who spends a lot of time around people afflicted with FAIL should ensure they minimize the effects of annoyance – earplugs/phones to avoid auditory effects, and magazines to avoid eye contact with the unfortunate victim.

Symptoms of FAIL vary widely, depending on the variety and severity of FAIL the individual suffers from.  Relatively common symptoms include shouting (typically statements of disbelief such as “Oh my God!” or “Come on guys!”), respiratory problems (often results in excessive panting, growling or sighing), and minor loss in motor control (dropping the controller, waving hands around, facial twitches).  These can become more serious over time, leading to such outbursts as uncontrolled and unintelligible  profanity and/or racial slurs, hyperventilation, and the spontaneous hurling of various peripherals such as controllers and headsets.  These more serious symptoms are common to the more developed strain – Eclectic Pronounced Intellectually Challenged F.A.I.L. – colloquially known as E.P.I.C.F.A.I.L.

Angrybot suggests the cure to FAIL is to eat bleach and die. Angrybot cannot be trusted.

The true tragedy of FAIL is that while the victim may believe that their symptoms are actually assisting their performance in gameplay, the truth is that every symptom cumulatively hampers their ability to play, increasing their rate of FAIL.  It is a vicious cycle, perpetuating itself until the person collapses under the weight of their FAIL like a dying star.  These meltdowns often mimic a stroke or heart attack, and almost always result in death (of the gamer’s character).

Although FAIL has no known cure at the moment, it is treatable to an extent.  With the proper support,  a person can live a relatively normal life while coping with FAIL.  Video games that feature glitches such as invisible walls and targeting or camera problems should be avoided, as they tend to aggravate symptoms and have the added effect of justifying a person’s FAIL to an extent.  Similarly, multiplayer games should be avoided since they either aggravate FAIL or result in a misconception of gameplay enhancement in the case of letting the person with FAIL win (a truly hurtful idea, since it only perpetuates FAIL in the long term).  When playing a video game with someone with FAIL, it is best to encourage them to relax, and advise that if the game is in fact flawed it can’t be helped at the moment.  Suggesting other media is also encouraged, with the exception of movies or television shows with twist endings, since the realization that their theory on the outcome of the story was incorrect can aggravate FAIL.

This is either because of SCTV or FAIL.

FAIL is not always a life-long condition. Many youths suffering from FAIL sometimes suddenly stop experiencing symptoms, often on or around the age of majority.  The reason for this is currently unknown, though it has been speculated that the condition may disappear as the patient grows up and stops acting like a child.  Unfortunately for some, this never happens.  At all.

If you or someone you know is currently suffering from FAIL, we here at andPOP are happy to assist you to get the help you need.  In the interest of FAIL research, any and all donations are welcome.  Please leave a comment below indicating your preferred method of payment, and a representative of the World Institute to promote Normality (W.I.N.) will contact you.

*disclaimer – The above article is a satire of meaningless PSA’s for disorders that are invented to explain moronic behaviour. If you feel that the above PSA is insensitive or mean, you may be experiencing FAIL.

Cheers!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

The ultimate remastered edition of the Beatles catalog is probably going to be the big-ticket Christmas item this holiday season.  Alongside this cornucopia of creamy Liverpool goodness is The Beatles: Rock Band, most likely the other big ticket Christmas item – if the stores have any left after the initial sellout.

And to provide the third stabilizing leg to this triumverate of old-meets-new deliciousness is a brand-new The Beatles: Rock Band Xbox 360 model.   Featuring psychedelic designs by the same animators who will blow your minds via the intro cinematic sequence to the new Rock Band cash-cow, this model also has another feature that I’m sure the boys from across the pond would be proud of – every unit sold has all proceeds benefiting Doctors Without Borders.

Finally, as if the above trinity of Beatlemania wasn’t enough, All You Need Is Love is now available as an Xbox Live download, once again with proceeds going to DWB.

To find out more information, head on over to http://www.xbox.com/en-CA/games/splash/b/beatlesrockband/ where you’ll have the chance to join the Fab Four Mystery Tour, an “interactive look at the Beatles and the many twists and turns of their legendary career.”  Check it out, Jude, don’t let me down.

Cheers!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

Helllloooooo!

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.  This week we’re going to take a look at a group of malevolent, disgusting, and just downright horrible creatures who have terrorized mankind for years.  What’s that? No, not lawyers.  Not even politicians.  This week we are ranking the Top 5 Straight-up Meanest Aliens in Video Games. Almost as long as sci-fi and space opera have been around, there has been the alien creatures to terrorize or befriend the valiant heroes and heroines.  Well, forget about your friendly little green men, suckers, because we’re not talking about Starman or ET tonight, we’re talking War of the Worlds and Jabba the Hutt.  Let’s do this.

‘Ere we go!

5.  The Chimera – Resistance

Resistance 3?

Scary. As. Hell.  Playing Resistance for the first time, everything seems to be as per usual for a WWII shooter, until you turn the corner and see the monstrous Chimera hybrids taking aim at you with their alien weaponry.  At many different points through the game and it’s sequel Resistance 2, you encounter different and even scarier variants of these creatures, like the aquatic Chimera (just when you though it was safe to go back in the water… although let’s face it, it was never safe to begin with).  Especially in Resistance 2, these creatures just get nastier and nastier through the course of the game.  And the most disturbing part of it is that they used to be human.  Captured by the Chimera and genetically altered into the hideous hybrids, the fact is you’re putting down former Earthlings.  And as the series has progressed, the Chimera have evolved.  From the hybrids in Resistance, who needed cooling devices to keep their superheated bodies from pulling an Xbox 360 overheat, to the later evolutions who just burst out of pods throughout the game and come tearing after you, the Chimera use their advanced weaponry and cannibalistic tactics to not only subjugate the human race, but to steamroll them into the fold.  Nasty.

4.  The Geth – Mass Effect

The best part about being Geth? Free satellite radio.

Ever wondered what would happen if the Borg had sex with the Zerg?  The answer is the Geth.  I think that Bioware didn’t want to come off as anti-Semitic by calling them the Zorgberg.  They don’t just kill you – they impale you on large spikes that turn you into cyber-zombies that fight for them.  Zombies! Implacable synthetic foes created as slaves for other, less terrifying aliens (the Quarians), the Geth don’t feel emotion.  They don’t get scared when Commander Shepard blows away 4 of them in as many seconds, they keep coming.  In that respect they are certainly unique – I’m reasonably sure everyone fears Commander Shepard, because he’s a dick.  The biggest dick in the galaxy.  With a Spectre badge, a galaxy’s worth of resources, irrefutable authority, and unlimited spite.  Facing down that with nary a whimper definitely qualifies the Geth their spot on our list.

3.  Necromorphs – Dead Space

No, man! It's not a hug! IT'S A TRAP!

When I played Dead Space, I’m reasonably sure I lost 10 pounds.  5 from sweating in terror every time a Necromorph sprang out of nowhere to attack me, and another 5 from crapping myself the first time it happened.  These things are scary.  Mutated humans with multiple extra limbs, an appetite for human flesh, and faces that make Emperor Palpatine look like Edward from Twilight, these nasties definitely don’t want to be friends.  Like some of our other entries on this list, these nasties used to be human.  But the influence of a man-made virus that reacts with dead tissue results in these brutally ugly, vicious, parasitic and altogether unpleasant zombie-alien hybrids.  And you’re stuck on a barely-functioning spaceship with them.  Not my idea of a great day.

2.  Wrex – Mass Effect

The only reason he isn't kicking ass right now is out of spite.

Urdnot Wrex is a Krogan Battlemaster, which is kind of like a Ping-Pong Grand Master but with less ping-pong and more stomping face.  He’s over 300 years old, and at least 3 centuries of that time has been spent ruining aliens and humans all over the galaxy.  Wrex is a true mercenary, which means he doesn’t take orders from anyone for less than a week’s worth of beer money.   As a matter of fact, the only being in the galaxy that he is intimidated enough by to do what he wants without pay is none other than Commander Shepard, a.k.a The Biggest Dick in the Galaxy (see the Geth entry for further details on Shepard and his badassery).   And you can’t really fault him for that – Shepard is the Chuck Norris of Mass Effect, but without Chuck’s moral code or aversion to punching babies and women in the face.  Another intimidating feature of Wrex that makes him stand out from the very first time you meet him (in a strip club, scaring the crap out of the bouncers) is his deep, baritone voice.  He sounds like Solid Snake in slow motion – underwater. Finally, let’s face it – you have to respect a dude who shoots first, shoots second, kicks ass third, then maybe asks a question later.

1.  Xenomorphs – Aliens vs. Predator

Xenomorph hives actually have great dental plans.

As they’ve constantly been referred to in their media, the “perfect organism” is exactly that – from a certain point of view.  If your idea of the perfect organism involves a parasitic, death-dealing bio-mechanical super-insect from outer space, then sure, they’re perfect.  But for the rest of us, the Xenomorphs (or simply Aliens) are possibly one of the most frightening and disturbing creatures ever to crawl from a human being’s torso (the other being Christopher Walken).  Speaking of crawling out of your torso, the Alien won’t just kill you – they drag you into the darkness, cocoon you and shove an egg down your throat to spawn a brand-new beastie.  One would argue it’s less painful and terrifying to just get killed than suffer through that experience.  And if any of those eggs are sitting around, it doesn’t matter how many of the Aliens you kill – there will always be more.  Designed by a Swiss surrealist with more psychological issues than a crazy-coated nutbar, the Alien is simultaneously brutal, sleek and sexual.  So once again, kind of like Christopher Walken (who incidentally, almost made this list).

Honourable Mention: The Orks – Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine

What's more awesome than an Ork smoking a cigar? Doesn't matter, you're dead.

“Orkses is never beaten in battle.  If we wins, we wins, if we die we die so it don’t count as beat, an’ if we runs for it we don’t die ‘neither, so we can always come back for anuvver go, see?”
That quote alone should guarantee the Orks a spot on this list.  But let’s face it – the Orks earned their spot on this list through brute force, uncompromising devotion to war, and attitude.  A lot of the entries on this list are faceless, inhuman creatures that can’t be easily related to much less understood.  But the Orks speak English (kind of), use weapons similar to ours and even approximate some human mannerisms and cultural cliches!  An Ork is not a slender, Elfy pansy nor a sleek, pseudo-sexy Xenomorph.  He’s a 7 ft. green soccer hooligan with a chainsword and a pistol with a barrel as wide as your fist.  Also, he’s interchangeably roaring like an animal and calling you a “little ‘umie git”. That is pretty much the definition of “feared” and “avoided” and “Chelsea Headhunter”.  It’s also the reason the Imperial Guard have a 94% casualty rate.

If you guys think I missed anyone that should have belonged in the Top 5, or think that maybe one of these other nasties should have been #1, or not on the list at all, let me know below.  Maybe we can do a Round 2!

Cheers!

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Hey, doesn't that cloud look like... a person being impaled?

A Movie You Can Control: Cinema’s Effect on Video Games

Ever been watching a movie and wished you could tell the actors that what they’re doing is stupid?  That you have a much better plan that would totally work, and if they would only do that instead, maybe the zombies wouldn’t eat them, or the comrade that was clearly going to inevitably betray them wouldn’t get the chance?  Well I have.  But with the advent of video games in recent years that seemingly make a conscious effort to mimic the pacing and immersive experience of a film, it’s almost like we have the ability to watch a movie that we’re also able to play through and control. For a classic narcissist such as myself, this is clearly the greatest thing to happen to video games since the B-button.

Obviously, cinema precedes video gaming.  However, they are both rooted in the quintessential artistic question, “what if?”  What if humans on a deep-space transport mission encounter a hostile alien life form that kills everyone but a woman who suspiciously resembles Sigourney Weaver?  What if a plumber was somehow transported to a fantasy kingdom in order to save a princess who’s prone to being kidnapped?  What if aliens had invaded Earth during World War II?  Of course I have to stop sometime, but those are all killer ideas that would make great movies/games.  Someone should probably write those down.  You never know what could sell.

Whenever you rent a Star Destroyer, make sure you go for the full insurance coverage.

One thing that video games can offer that a movie can’t is an almost unlimited amount of time in which to tell the story.  Audiences generally won’t sit through an 8, 12, or 32-hour movie, but put a controller in someone’s hands and let them interact with the story they’re experiencing, and you’d be surprised at how long their attention span will last.  Of course, this is not to say that a game necessarily has non-stop action and interaction, but combining great action and cinematic sequences (cutscenes) often results in a very in-depth and engaging game.

When you watch a movie, there’s only as much story as the film can relate in it’s time limit.  What’s that?  I’m repeating myself?  Not hardly, ladies and gentlemen.  What I’m getting at is the director, the writer, and the actors are delivering information to a theatregoer, whereas in a video game, the gamer discovers additional information on their own.  In Resistance and Resistance 2, we could pick up Intel documents, revealing even more of the rich story the actors and narrative help develop.  So the gamer basically gets as much out of a game as he puts in, which puts video games at an advantage over the medium of cinema in how much of a story, or an interesting experience that they can deliver.

Something interesting that I’ve been noticing in games recently is that the shooting of cutscenes, or even gameplay, is developing and evolving similar to cinema.  Think about Metal Gear Solid (here we go).  To say nothing of the cutscenes, the gameplay itself was a revelation in how camera angles can set tension.  Another great example of this is Resident Evil.    Both of these games relied on not being able to see around the next corner until it’s too late, or tactically peeking around said corner.  In addition to this, both of these franchises rely heavily on the element of surprise, much like a thriller or a suspense movie.  Oftentimes it’s what you can’t see that defines tension in a game, or a movie.  Try that theory with Sonic the Hedgehog. Even more recent games have featured the handycam style of filming, adding to the realism of the game experience.  Going from the older style of side-scrolling to the 3rd person or 1st person views, and coming to the free-floating camera that can often be controlled by the player themselves, we have an experience that immerses the viewer/gamer in a way we haven’t seen before.

Ah, the peaceful serenity of Tai Chi.

Eventually, I really wouldn’t be surprised if video games overpowered the medium of cinema in popular culture.  The sheer depth and breadth of a game can often be way more emotional and powerful than a film.  On second thought, never mind that.  People are just too lazy for that to ever happen.  Send them to the cineplex, fill up their popcorn and extra large Big Gulp, and I’ll be trying to stop the Nazi zombiepocalypse.

Hey, Nazi Zombiepocalypse.  That’d make a good movie.

Cheers.

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Activision has announced the November 3rd release of Bizarre Creations’ new racing extravaganza game – and it looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun. Players will race up to 50 licensed cars, over courses featuring jumps, alternate routes and hairpin turns – business as usual.  What’s unusual is that while this is going on, players will be picking up power-ups – nitro, shields, and offensive weapons to knock the other players into last place – or out of the race completely.

Blur looks upon first glance to be no more than a Burnout clone, but without going into too many details, it’s a project all it’s own.  Placing an emphasis on the multiplayer experience through a community-based interface, a “unique story-driven social network”, this game promises to deliver better, more personable online play.

So look for this title on the Xbox 360, PS3 and PC in November – if you’re not paying attention, it might just blow right past you.

Cheers.

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I can’t sing.  Not well, anyway.  But I feel that puts me in the norm rather than outside of it.  With that in mind, I sat down last week with a couple of friends who can sing, to enjoy a little SingStar: Queen.

As a huge Queen fan, I felt I had the advantage going in to this impromptu karaoke competition, at least when it came to knowing the lyrics and general dynamic of the songs.  What I didn’t count on (and should have) is that my two fellow competitors were karaoke superstars. For convenience’s sake, let’s call them Brodie and his girlfriend, Chris.

Now, we set out to get a taste of everything this game had to offer.  Having already sung a song on my own before they arrived, I had an idea of the format of the game.  The lyrics appear onscreen along with a display that shows the notes you have to hit, and how long to hold them.  If you hit the note and hold it for the duration, the bar representing that note fills green.  If you don’t hit it, or only hit part of it, the bar doesn’t fill and an area outside of the bar fills red (above the bar for a sharp note, below for a flat note), indicating that you suck.  Let’s just say that I was mostly seeing red that night.

After going through a few solo songs, passing the mic between Brodie, Chris and myself; we decided to do a few duets.  Those went pretty well, and I found that the display for the duets was just as intuitive as the solo version.  After a few battles between two of us at a time (wherein both players sing the song simultaneously, higher score wins) we decided to take on the Pass the Mic feature, which divides players into teams and puts them through various types of challenges.  From Solos, to Battles, to Medleys (arguably the hardest kind of challenge, since you have to pick up the song for a couple of bars and then switch it up) we were laughing our way through the night with this game, from song to song.

To get the high score, you need to grow a Mercu-stache.

But in every case, we ran into the same problem.  We encountered huge delay on the mic track.  We checked out the options screen, under mic settings, to no avail.  We played through the pain, and later I found out that the calibration settings for making sure your mic track, the display and the Queen track are all in sync were under the Display settings.  Not misleading at all.

That is the major problem with Singstar: Queen, and now that it’s out of the way, let’s look at some of the more positive aspects of this game that is, at the end of the day, pretty enjoyable.  The songs are definitely more difficult than previous incarnations of the SingStar brand, due in no small part to Freddie Mercury’s unstoppable vocals, along with the rest of the band frequently providing backup in chorus.  But the fun and flavour of Queen is all over this game.  As you sing, the background video is overlaid with Queen music videos and concert footage, which really adds to the energy of the game – but if you are  confident not only in your singing but also your stage presence, as it were, you can opt to record yourself on video through  PlayStation Eye to get your own personal MTV style.

I suppose the fun is what matters most, but what put a downer on the evening was the awkwardness of getting the

Hot girls not included with game. They don't even show up later. I waited.

sound profile for the game to jive correctly. The playbacks were horrible, but laughably so – which means it was still fun.  All in all, I feel that this game is for karaoke addicts only, and even then it’s definitely on a party-game basis.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I got my ass handed to me by my fellow gamers… BRODIE!!

Graphics – 5 / 5 (For the Queen video playing while you sing)

Audio – 4 / 5 (Awesome song selection, but it’s definitely hard to sing over Mercury)

Controls – 2 / 5 (Controlling menus with the mic is easy, but the menus don’t lend themselves well to calibrating the mic)

Gameplay – 3 /5 (Party games, replay value is weak at best)

Cheers!

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Get it? Mewtwo, Newtwo… I’m sorry.

Anyway, The Pokemon Company Intl. and Nintendo have announced two brand-new games coming out in 2010 for the apparently still-kicking Pokemon franchise.  HeartGold and SoulSilver, which are updated versions of the classic Gold and Silver versions.

These new updated versions for the DS will include great graphics and controls, including touch screen controls and bringing back plenty of oldschool Poke-characters to Poke-capture with Poke-balls, Poke-train and Poke-battle!

And Poke is once again an adjective.

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Marvel VS Capcom 2, successor to one of the greatest fighting games ever released, is now available on the PS3 over the PlayStation Network or any GameStop location.

It goes for $19.99, and if you get the retail box, not only do you get the download code for the game, but also a month’s subscription to the Marvel online digital comic library. But, there’s only 15,000 copies of the retail box, so don’t wait!

Pretty sweet deal… now where the hell do I find a GameStop?’

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Get ready for Tony Hawk: RIDE, the newest and freshest skateboarding game we’ve seen in some time. It’s hitting the shelves in November, and will be debuting an innovative controller that is nothing less than a skateboard simulator.  It looks like a snowboard, although I wouldn’t recommend taking that simile to any extreme.

So for all you skaters who will be packing away the legit boards in November, you may want to think about swapping them in for these.  Except, for RIDE. Not for snowboarding.  Ever.

November 17th, get ready.

Cheers.

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This is what's known as a bad day.

Batman vs. Punisher: Arkham Asylum vs. No Mercy Impressions

I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up by giving the impression this is a review of Batman: Arkham Asylum.  It’s not.  But I’ve been doing some research into the game, and wanted to rant a bit about the character of Batman as compared to other heroes, specifically the Punisher.  A friend of mine recently compared Batman to the Punisher as being very similar, and I couldn’t disagree more.  Why?  Let’s take a look.

Batman, as we know, began life as Bruce Wayne.  The privileged child of Thomas and Martha Wayne, billionaire from birth.  He never really got the chance to enjoy his good fortune, however.  His parents were killed in a random mugging right in front of his eyes.  I remember Batman at some point saying “I haven’t been a kid since I was 8 years old”.  He never gets over the loss of parents, but not in a whiny-personal “I-miss-Uncle-Ben” kind of way.  More of a fix-the-corruption-and-criminal-environment-that-allowed-this-to-happen way.

What has two thumbs and needs a Redbull? I'm too tired to point at myself but, this guy.

So Bruce disappears off the face of the earth when he’s old enough to actually do it, gains focus on his goal of crime-fighting, and trains his mind and body to do what must be done.  Years later, he reappears in Gotham City as the Dark Knight.  In Arkham Asylum, you will be able take advantage of Batman’s training as a detective and martial arts master with the abilities of a kind of Assassin’s Creed “Eagle-Vision” (but far more in-depth), great combos and other techniques to fight groups of enemies en masse or divide and conquer.

Frank Castle, on the other hand, had a family until they were killed during a picnic in Central Park after witnessing a gangland execution.  After that traumatic event, he dedicated his life to destroying criminals and murderers.  Not fighting crime, but destroying criminals.  He put to use his experience as a war veteran – special operations, infiltration, obviously his mastery of firearms and close combat in his relentless personal crusade.

The Punisher’s skills set (guns, knives and fists) is well expressed in his video games.  In fact, the latest title is a download from the PlayStation Network called Punisher: No Mercy.  A nominally better title could have been Nothing New.  A generic, first-person-shooter that brings nothing to the table except maybe a half hour or so of story play (that’s not a joke), and however many hours of online play you can stomach.  Fire your weapon at thugs until the clip is empty. Reload and repeat.  So like the Punisher himself, who is kind of a one-dimensional character, we have a game that reflects this.  Although to be fair, I wasn’t expecting a racing game – you don’t get Speed Racer. You get the Punisher.

I think that’s a very important note that a lot of games are overlooked for.  The subject content to begin with can more often than not determine how complex, how deep and interesting the rabbit hole can go, or how dry, banal and downright boring a game can be, regardless of how good the mechanics are, if the subject matter is paper-thin.

Batman just won a bet over whether he could kick the Punisher's ass.

As for why Batman and the Punisher are dissimilar, the point is very simple.  The Punisher doesn’t fight crime.  Yeah, I said it.  Punisher kills criminals, takes their money and uses it to finance killing more criminals.  Oh yeah, and that “funding” goes towards black market weapons.  So not only does he do what many criminals already do (rob and kill other criminals) but he’s the black market’s best customer. How can he possibly ever finish his crusade if he perpetuates the system himself?  Of course, that doesn’t matter to the Punisher.  It’s not like he’s worried about crime.  He just wants to kill bad guys.

If Batman and the Punisher existed in the same universe, Batman would track down and capture the Punisher without a second thought.  Why?  Batman fights crime.  Not criminals, but crime – organized and systematic.  He takes down mob bosses, putting them through the legal system so that the entire organization can go down with them.  The Punisher uses a chainsaw to weed his garden, but all he does his create mulch for new weeds to grow.  Batman pulls them out by the roots.

Finn, the exploding furnace clearly says "Caution!" Now you're just being careless.

Don’t worry, this all has a bearing on the games.  When you slide a Batman game into your console, you’re not just expecting a punch ‘em up, one-dimensional game.  Hell, even Batman for the Sega Genesis had more depth than Punisher: No Mercy.  But would you ever expect to see a Punisher game as innovative and intense as Batman: Arkham Asylum?  Maybe.  But I doubt it.  The subject matter of the game almost always determines the quality of the game, providing the execution doesn’t suck anyway. If you make a game about ducks, expect it to quack.

So that was my excuse to rant a bit on the Batman/Punisher comparison.  If anyone thinks I’m completely out of my mind or if you think I missed something that you’d like to mention, then let me know below!  Also, I’d like to know who likes Batman more than Punisher and vice versa.

Better than any Punisher game.

Also, some of you might think I’m bat-biased.  Well, of course that’s true.  Batman rules – who could argue to the contrary?

Cheers!

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Activision has announced the newest Call of Duty is being released exclusively for the Nintendo DS this fall. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare: Mobilized (two colons… let’s not make that joke) is going to feature intense PvP action as gamers fight ground battles, hack into enemy computers, shoot from gunships, battle tanks, and much more. Some cool features of this game include the different modes of play.  Players will have the ability to play through the story with it’s companion narrative, as well as an Arcade mode.  The Arcade mode is basically the story mode but with add-ons like a time limit, score and related achievements.  Other modes include the Survival mode, where players can resist wave upon wave of enemies until overwhelmed, using a variety of weapons.  This mode just screams “Zombie Mod!” Anyway, despite the distinct lack of zombies, I am excited enough over this game to borrow my friend’s DS to play it.  Sounds like a blast! Oh, me. Cheers.

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Guess what is in stores now?  Singstar Queen, the newest title in the series that has been trying to fill the big shoes of Guitar Hero and Rock Band with it’s vocal-only styles.  Being released for the PS3 and PS2, this game promises to bring the thunder Freddie Mercury-style.  What may push this newest title and give it the edge is right there in the title: Queen.

The game features over 20 of the most popular and memorable Queen singles ever released.  I personally suggest you Wayne’s World it and headbang the chorus to Bohemian Rhapsody.  So I will finally be able to play a singing game where I actually know the words.  This could be the beginning of a new era, where I do not suck at singing games.

Man I love Queen.

Cheers.

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OK, so I went for the OVER 9000 joke in the title.  Deal with it, it’s still true.

SPORE’s Galactic Adventures allows players to create their own adventures to play or have other play online.  Whether it’s battling bizarre and deadly monsters, participating in intense races or puzzle games; players can design the most horrific, brutal or mind-boggling missions for themselves, or for their fellow SPORE players.

The real news here, folks, is that after only about a month SPORE: GA has over 100,000 unique missions created by their fans.  I believe that comes close to trumping the amount of genitalia-based creatures that flooded the internet after SPORE was released last year.  Ah, maybe not.  But hopefully SPORE users will devote more creative energy and time to that next planetary mission and not the Penis-With-Legs Mk. XXVIII.

Myself, I want to create that unbeatable mission.  Something so dastardly and insane people will hate me just for thinking it up.  Maybe I’ll just base it off of Out of this World for the SEGA Genesis.

I hate that game.

Cheers!

Check out our Spore: Galactic Adventure review on andPOP.com too!

Read more at andPOP. andPOP - POP Culture with Substance

SPORE:  Galactic Adventures is an expansion that will kill a few hours at a time, whenever you feel like it. I think that’s an important distinction to make – the difference between your immersion in a truly epic game that you have to really pull yourself away from, and a game that is easy to break away from, but is still fun to play for hours at a time.  Through it’s simple interface for play and very in-depth character(creature) creation process, it can be a pleasant diversion whether you’re more into the gaming itself, or (like me) you enjoy playing around with how bizarre a creature you can make, or how human you can evolve it.

The game begins at the level of a single-celled organism, and you evolve your creature (I named my creature Lepreclops, after my two favourite mythological beasts) from an amoeba-like blob to a sentient, spacefaring species.  The funny thing is that even at the point of civilization I found that my creature still seemed animalistic to me, which bothered me a bit.  The progression of the stages goes from simple and fleeting (like the amoeba-stages) to the more engaging and complex (like spacefaring eras).

The creature creation system features some new parts not featured in the original SPORE, so maybe a million more combination of parts.  I’m not kidding, it’s that diverse. So if you’re like me, and just want a diversion for a few hours here and there, then you may want to take your time evolving your creature.

Spore in action.

One interesting feature of the Galactic Adventures expansion is that users can design their own missions.  Which means that any given planet your species lands on, may or may not have a maze of certain death awaiting them – like an intergalactic IKEA.  Of course, it could also be a happy funland rescue-the-kitten mission.  It depends on how sadistic the player is.  So,most likely a death-maze.

All in all, I found this game to be somewhat engaging but at the same time, I found it a little lackluster in almost every aspect but the creature creator.  Lucky for SPORE, the creature creator alone is pretty much worth the buy.  It’s although worth a few hours of your time, here and there.

Cheers.

Graphics: 4/5

Interface: 3/5

Gameplay: 3/5

Replay value: 5/5

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