(andPOP) - Though the weather outside is frightful, do I have some news that's simply delightful!
Apparently
Girls Gone Wild creator and full-time skeeze Joe "Even My Mother Thinks I'm Dirt" Francis was
brought into custody in Florida for some complicated fare involving minors, compromising positions, a settlement dispute and contempt of court. I'm thinking this means Joe-Joe may actually serve his jail time and stay off our Spring Break streets for a little while. Now all the have to do is ship
Brandon Davis, literally the greasiest man on our planet, off to Alcatraz circa 1963 and we'll be set as a universe.
Not to waste more space on Joe Francis than I already have, but did anyone see that
recent Dateline special in which Francis talked about being robbed, tied, taunted with a dildo and then made to say that he likes gay sex?
“That just is ridiculous to me,” Francis told Dateline. “That somebody’s gonna think the owner of ‘Girls Gone Wild’ is gay? I would have said anything with a gun to my head.”
Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, my skeezy little friend.
Anyway, let's move on to some men who are actually worthy of their penises. The professionally delectable Usher has
announced he's jumping on the celeb scent bandwagon and that you'll be able to spritz on a little Urrrsher by September. Good enough.
And now an interlude of genius with Kirsten Dunst: "I've never been a major smoker, but I think America's view on weed is ridiculous. I mean - are you kidding me? If everyone smoked weed, the world would be a better place. I'm not talking about being stoned all day, though. I think if it's not used properly, it can hamper your creativity and close you up inside."
It can also be useful when denying you lack any actual talent and that
your boyfriend of many years was actually a homosexual.
Remember way back when Scarlett Johnansson
decided the world should know she can't be monogamous and remember how we didn't really care? Well the blonde tramplet is going good on her word. This time she's jumping on Canadian and Alanis Morrisette-escapee Ryan Reynolds. The
two were "definitely holding hands" and "were a cute couple" at a New York restaurant last weekend. And, if I may add my anonymous quote to the tale, "no one cares."
And finally - one more relationship bit. We haven't heard much from them in awhile, but Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are still very, very good friends. The two were
seen kissing at a L.A. nightclub this weekend, gazing into each other's eye lifts. This, no doubt, was the
depression Peen Wentz was talking about in his "blog."
