(andPOP) - Do celebrities really serve any use besides providing us, the common folk, with an intense sense of satisfaction in knowing that our lives aren't in perma crash-and-burn mode?
Surely all those "good works" celebs like Bono and Brad Pitt do are more than just conveniently executed publicity shots. Right? Surely seeing photos of a degenerated Nicole Richie has stopped some teeny bopper from sticking her finger down her throat. Right? Celebrities are useful because...
... they promote hydration.
Celebrities think they need to get out and promote things. For them, this promotion of things is still considered work. Mind you, celebrities show up to work in Versace and diamonds, but hey, maybe that should be a new fad for us ordinaries also.
And, yes! Being a celebrity automatically makes you a good ambassador! Take the fabulous Sarah Jessica Parker. For reasons unknown,
SJP was pegged to hold the glass of water on the UNICEF carpet during World Water Day. Looking at these photos fills me with discomfort. Luckily, the look in her eyes seems to betray the same uncomfortable "how the hell did I end up here" feeling.
... they can make you feel OK about your neediness.
Why does effing Britney Spears insist on jumping from relationship to relationship? What is up with Jenny Lopez's marriage to her back-up guy? Well, you see, celebrities are needy. They need read love and affection. They are like the rest of us emo girls sobbing to our journals on another loveless Friday night.
Take Dallas Austin's
Christina Aguilera claims. Apparently bitch got down and dirty with Dallas and his friends and bought his assistant (her now-husband, Jordan) a Rolls Royce Phantom! Dallas and his buddies even had an uber creative nickname for her: Crazy. Oh, Christina. Searching for love in all the wrong places with all the douchiest men. And here I thought you had more smarts in your little blonde head than Britters.
... they prove you do have a better fashion sense.
Why do celebrities think they can get away with wearing the most ridonkulous outfits. Wandering town
dressed like the cat lady down my street isn't a good look for anyone. Likewise,
wearing what you only should in a pool to a club isn't proper. And then there's the ones who run out of the house with
greasy hair up in the ponytail, smeared makeup under the eyes and Juicy track pants. Seriously, you have the cash. You'd be wise to put a live-in stylist on the payroll.
Since when were
fishnet panties and an apron an appropriate "outside the bedroom" wardrobe choice? No, Nicky Hilton, just because you've got millions doesn't mean you can wear what you want. It actually means you should be making appropriate clothing choices because you
will be caught on camera and you
will look like an idiot.
Add to all this the fact that us ordinary people manage to look more than half-fabulous on a daily basis without airbrushing, the blessed reality that our privates won't make it onto Access Hollywood, that we can volunteer our time or adopt or donate to a charity without the free world questioning our motives and that we won't go crazy by age 25, and I'd say it's not us who's getting a raw deal.
