(andPOP) - Dear Christina:
Four years ago, I broke up with you.
I loved
Stripped, I got all "Dirrty" at the clubs when it came on, I even cried a little when you won the Best New Artist Grammy back in the "Genie in a Bottle" era. Then you started to look a little like a carrot, dyed your hair noir, wore dresses
made of feathers and dubbed yourself "Xtina."
But now, as I sit here downloading "Dirrty," I beg for your forgiveness. You have proven yourself to be an artist in a way Britney Spears only dreams to be. You're still
winning Grammys, you have seemingly normal
marriage to a guy who actually has a job and now you're gracing the
cover of Maxim looking so smokin' that I'm a little weak in the knees. Plus, not many people can promote a
Marilyn-styled ballad and a
club banger with Diddy at the same time and pull it off.
On a related note, I'm trying to have a Britney-free February, so just know that yes, she's still "working" on that album and yes, she's still
clubbing in bikinis borrowed from strippers.
In the spirit of the most manufactured holiday since
Arbor Day, let's now swing the attention of this week's Celebrity Noose to the always entertaining love disses and misses of celebrities in honour of yesterday's St. Valentine's celebrations.
First up we have sometimes singer, sometimes actress (and successful at none of the above) Mandy Moore
out at Disneyland in California with her new beau, DJ AM. Does Mandy Moore realize she can probably do better than the man who has soaked up all Nicole Richie's diseases?
But I guess even ugly people need love, too.
Ugly Betty star America Ferrera got
engaged to her film school boyfriend last month. Aw, too bad her ugliness is all a hoax and she's actually pretty fly IRL (in real life).
Her man is also quite the fox.
Former NBA star Tim Hardaway is speaking out on his lack of love ... for gays. Yes, in the spirit of the anti-Valentine, Hardaway
appeared on a radio show to say he hates gay people and they have no place in the world and especially not in the good ol' U.S. of A. This all comes after retired player
John Amaechi became the first professional basketball player to openly identify himself as gay. Though Amaechi may say the response to his coming out is positive, honest but hateful comments such as "as long as you don't bring your gayness on me, I'm fine," by Philadelphia's Shavlik Randolph, don't really make me think so.
In other love news, Jennifer Aniston received
happy birthday wishes from ex-Vince Vaughan (
very happy), Ice-T took his lady of the thighs,
CoCo out in NYC for V-Day, and Ms. Tyra
went on a date with Mr. Caterpillar Eyebrows.
But, in the end, it's basically only Jackass' Steve-O who got a real taste of Valentine's Day by getting a
playmate's foot to the nuts. Ain't that the way love really goes?
