Fashion Column: Tattooing 101

(andPOP) - Alright, I was reluctant to write about tattoos under the pretense of a fashion column because first of all, they're not a fashion accessory like a watch or an overpriced leather cuff at American Eagle. You can throw that cuff into your drawer and forget about it once the fashion Gods deem it "out" but a tattoo is like a cuff that's been embedded into your skin and it'll be one mother of a pain to take off.

I decided to write about tattoos since I?ll be getting another one in a few weeks and I want to put in my two cents before going under the needle. Even if you?re thinking, ?Why the hell am I going to listen to some stranger preach about something that I?m going to do to MY body?? (I sure as hell would be) perhaps some of my advice would help (or just amuse) those of you who are interested or just curious about tattooing.

Tattoos are thought to originate from the Egyptians and Nubians. In 1991, scientists unearthed a mummy with a cross inside its knee and lines on his ankle and back that were believed to cure ailments. Dubbed ?The Iceman?, it dates back to the Bronze Age at 3300 B.C.

The Egyptians are credited with spreading the art of tattooing around the world. It reached Southeast Asia by 2 000 B.C. Western Asian nomads then brought tattooing to Japan where the practice was used for decorative, rather than magical, purposes. Perhaps tattoos got its bad reputation during the first millennium B.C. when Japan adopted Chinese customs by tattooing criminals. Conversely tattooing was used to show off social status in the Balkans.

Europeans rediscovered the art when explorers met with Polynesian and Native American tribes in the post-Renaissance period. British explorer James Cook is responsible for bringing the term, ?tattoo? to European culture after his voyage in the South Pacific in 1769. ?Tattoo? is derived from the Tahitian word, ?tattau?, which means ?to mark?. Europeans were so fascinated with the markings on the indigenous people that they were displayed at fairs and circuses.

Soon sailors would get tattoos as a souvenir of an exotic location that they visited. Initially, sailors would tattoo themselves and their mates but soon tattoo parlors were established in ports worldwide. In the mid-19th century police believed that many criminals in New York had tattoos and that ports were where they would be found. More than a hundred years later and my parents still think tattoos are for delinquents.

Ancient tribes would generally tattoo bodies by pricking or carving patterns with sharp objects infused with ink. The method hasn?t changed much today but technology has made the process quicker, less painful and most importantly, a lot more sanitary. The modern tattoo machine is basically a handheld gadget where the needle vibrates up and down (several hundred vibrations per minute to be approximate). The needle penetrates a millimeter of the skin and injects ink into the dermis.

When picking a tattoo parlor, make sure that you feel comfortable in the place. Ask friends where they got theirs done. But if your gut feels like it?s in a knot (and it?s not from the anticipation of getting tattoo) then leave the parlor immediately. The place hast to be clean, the lights have to be bright and the people must answer every question that you have.

I always think that it?s like getting plastic surgery. After all, you are altering your appearance and there could be side effects like infection. Therefore, you should have a consultation with the artist beforehand to ensure that he can do the tattoo and that he answers any questions or concerns.

The man who did my first tattoo, Gary, walked me through the whole process before anything happened. He showed me the equipment, how the instruments are sterilized in an autoclave, how to tell if the needle is new and he also told me what he was doing during the process. I felt completely at ease, minus the excruciating pain while he was doing the outline, during the whole process.

Speaking of pain, it varies among people. Generally, it hurts more for guys since girls have a higher pain tolerance due to pregnancy. All of my girl friends said that they didn?t feel a thing while my guy friends (including me) were close to passing out. It also depends on the location of the tattoo. If the area doesn?t have a lot of fat like the ankle then it?ll hurt more than the upper arm (where most guys get their tats).

Now let?s get to the fun part. Before you ladies get that flowery lower back tattoo and you guys get that Chinese character on your back, here?s a list of the do?s and don?ts of a tattoo design:

Clich?s:
You might as well get ?tool? and ?unimaginative? tattooed. Guys, don?t get the barbed wire or Celtic armband. What the hell is it supposed to mean? If your is because it looks good and it?s safe cause it?s popular, you shouldn?t get tattooed. The same goes for Chinese characters on your back or upper arm but more on that later. Girls, lower back tattoos were sexy until everyone at the mall got one. I also discourage flowers on the lower back because most of them look like you?ve got weeds growing out of your ass. Remember, high-waisted mom jeans were once popular and sexy too?

Words or phrases from cultures that you don?t belong to or have any knowledge of:
Ladies and gentlemen everywhere: For the love of God please don?t get Chinese characters tattooed if you aren?t fluent in the language or have any knowledge of the culture. Most of the Chinese tattoos that I?ve seen were done incorrectly. One girl wanted ?Love? but she got ?Cloud?. One guy wanted ?Earth? but got ?Ground?. Worst of all, one guy wanted ?Strength? but got ?Ex-Con?. If you do insist on getting a tattoo in a language that you?re not familiar with, bring a friend who does speak and read the language to verify that your ?Beauty? character isn?t ?Monkey Butt?.

Names or pictures of family:
It might sound like a good idea to get the name of your parents or your kid branded on your back but you?ll never know if they?ll piss you off in the future and you?ll be reaching for the Brillo pads in the shower.

Pop culture references:
Chances are, it?s a fad and you?ll be regretting it a year later. We?ve all been there. Where did you put that stack of Pogs, Spice Girl CD?s or Garfield toys? In addition, it?s very hard to draw cartoon characters or band logos even if it?s been traced from the original. Something so simple like Bart Simpson or Mickey Mouse are easy to mess up because, they are simple! It?s like trying to draw a circle, it?s easy to draw but it?s hard to draw it correctly.

Anything from the walls or binders:
It may appeal to you and the pre-conceived designs are cheaper (though price should not be a factor in tattooing) but someone else is probably walking around with the exact tat. If you wanted to be unique (though tattoos are pretty mainstream nowadays) then get a unique design. If stick people are the best that you can do, sit down with the tattoo artist so that he can come up with something original for you.

Alright, now that I?ve got that off my chest I hope that you?ve seriously reconsidered that butterfly or Grandpa Smurf tat. Remember, tattoos are one of the few things in life that you?ll literally take to your grave so give it at least a year of thought. If you still want it then go for it, you know you want to.