Adam's Analysis: MTV VMAs Full of Hype

(andPOP) - Another MTV Video Music Awards show has come and gone. This year did not see any lesbian kisses, awkward Michael Jackson appearances, or Courtney Love embarrassments. There was too much of Lil Jon, not enough rock, and too many people singing off-key. Here are some thoughts.

Pre-show
Usher certainly arrived on a big yacht. You know what they about guys who have big yachts? the same thing they say about guys who buy expensive cars.

Jessica Simpson being interviewed before the awards- she was worried that she didn't have an acceptance speech planned. Didn't anyone tell her she didn't have a chance?

Lil' Jon yelling "Yeah" and "What" constantly seems like he's making fun of himself, but I don't think he's in on the joke.

Dame Dash should stop walking around shamelessly promoting his new shoes. It doesn?t work. Actually, I just mentioned it; I guess it worked.

Jennifer Lopez walks off her yacht and speaks with John Norris. Remember, since marrying Marc Anthony, she hasn't publicly said anything. She hasn't even admitted that they're married. Does Norris ask her anything about Mr. J.Lo? Nope. Norris didn't have the balls. Mind you, I didn't even have the guts to ask Joel Madden if he is dating Hilary Duff, but that's besides the point; I'm no MTV VJ.

Omarion is a bit cocky for someone who has no credibility whatsoever.

Hulk Hogan is in the building.

Miami, Miami, Miami. Everyone needs to say why they love Miami. I hope they hold it in Miami next year so they can't ask "How do you feel about MTV moving the VMAs to Miami?" Just say "what's up Miami?" and get the cheep pop, then move on and plug your albums. I can't believe I'd rather hear more plugs.

P. Diddy calling Bruce Willis part of his "family" is a moment I will remember for the next few days, then forget.

Beyonce and Jay-Z finally show up to something together. B and Jay 1, Mr. and Mrs. J.Lo 0.

The Black Eyed Peas get interviewed on the red carpet by Sway and P. Diddy walks across the camera, sort of like Conan O'Brien does. A little annoying and pointless, but ok. Then Mase does it. Again, pushing his luck and still not funny, but ok. Now Reverend Al Sharpton crashes the BEP interview? He crossed the line.

Line of the night number 1: "They're always there to back me up"- Beyonce, speaking about her Destiny's Child groupmates. At least they know their roles.

Line of the night number 2: "I can't believe you're going to put me on live TV."- Dave Chappelle.

Was LL Cool J so desperate to get his crappy video played that he had to get 4 ladies to play it on their t-shirts? Cool, but a little sad.

The main show

Shaquille O'Neal has a microphone! Quick, cover your ears, he might rap! Ahh.. thank heavens he's just talking. That was a close one.

Hoobastank butchered their performance with an off-key and uninspiring Doug Robb. Luckily Yellowcard made up for it right after.

Speaking of horribly horribly off-key, Chaka Kahn! She could have been a nice addition to Kanye West's performance, but she couldn't sing in tune.

The Bush daughters, via satellite in New York (or perhaps a videotape), get booed. Looks like it's a Democratic audience. Nope, now the Kerry daughters, in the house, get booed even louder. I guess the audience is just anti-politics. It was very awkward for the daughters of the Presidential candidates to use their opportunities to convince people to vote to try to sway voters. I almost felt bad for them but the MTV VMAs is not a place to campaign for your fathers.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing everything that's wrong with hip hop in one group performance: Lil Jon, the Eastside Boys, the Ying Yang Twins, and Terror Squad.

The Olsen twins make a surprise appearance and Mary Kate thanks the fans for their support while she was battling an eating disorder. So she was sick? I thought Ashley was just getting fatter. (Not my joke, don't shoot the messenger)

How many times is Mase going to welcome himself back? He's back, we get it.

It's a parade of Olympic athletes. I didn't recognize the beach volleyball players with their clothes on. Wasn't Hamm supposed to be there? I guess he's keeping his medal and hiding before they take it away.

Another thought on Miami: why is it everyone's "second home"? Is it such a bad city that nobody wants to call it their actual home? Does anyone really live here?

So everyone is preaching this "Choose or Lose" and "Vote or Die" message. 20 million youths can make an impact? Kind of ironic, since the awards were held in the Miami-Dade region, where they messed up the last results.

Best performance
Nelly and Christina Aguilera were surprisingly tolerable, if not great, in their jazzy performance. And of course any time Stevie Wonder makes an appearance, it should be mentioned. Nice choice, Alicia Keys (Lenny Kravitz also performed with them, but it doesn't really matter). Jessica Simpson was boring just sitting and singing, but wow, she can sing. Who knew? I thought she was just a famous newlywed.

Worst performance
Already mentioned the hip hop medley. Nothing more needs to be said.