The Hills Recap - 'Can’t We All Just Get Along?'... NO

(andPOP) - According to Lo Bosworth, "the ones who matter are getting along." All she cares is that Lauren Conrad is still her bff and Audrina Patridge is left in the dust. All three are going to Stephanie Pratt's birthday party at Boulevard 3 and yet the Laguna girls arrive separately from their Orange County roomie. To make amends, at the party Lo tries some fake small talk with Audrina and after exchanging about 15 words (12 were Lo's), she exclaims "I'm so happy we're talking!" Audrina's face is stone cold and without a reply, she grabs her jacket and leaves (I would too since Lo's dress is straight out of outer-space). As Audrina's co-worker, Chiara, explains, its Lo vs. Audrina or the dark hairs vs. the light. Hmm… aren’t blondes supposed to win in LA?

But what happens when blondes battle it out? The answer: all hell and some balloons break loose. Stephanie Pratt invites her brother Spencer Pratt along with Heidi Montag to the party but doesn't hear from them until they arrive at the club carrying a dozen balloons. I guess balloons will make anyone forgive you… if you're five. And yet they worked on Stephanie as she gushes "this is the best birthday ever!" This was uttered too soon since the sight of Spencer sends her other guests running with Brody explaining he just doesn't want the drama. LC with her gang of Lo and Doug leave soon after. It seems like the blondes sometimes do win since Doug arrives with Brody and Frankie but leaves with LC. Does anyone else find it extremely weird that he and Brody are so tight?

The battle of the blondes heats up when siblings come head to head the day after the party to see if blood really is thicker than water. Stephanie grills Spencer for scaring off her friends while he gives her an ultimatum; it's either his ship or Lauren's since as he explains, if there are two ships, there's a problem. And of course an episode is not complete without more Spencer douchebag lines, such as "if I could un-sister you I would." He tries to get some points by being politically-savvy when he uses a simile to describe his and LC's relationship: "it’s like trying to get Iran and Israel to get along."

However, one dark-haired individual is scarier than all the blondes combined. Kelly Cutrone, Whitney Port's boss at People's Revolution, is not a woman to mess with. When her employee Jessica tries to voice an opinion and asks to work with stylists, Kelly puts her in her place and tells Jessica to leave the decisions to her and to simply be " pretty pretty happy happy." Later on, Whitney gets called into Kelly's office to learn that Jessica has been fired and she is being offered her position. She'll have to work in both LA and New York, but it's not the bi-coastal lifestyle that fazes Whitney, it's Kelly's announcement that Whitney will be her shadow. Yikes! In my opinion, the ultimate blonde vs. brunette showdown would involve Kelly vs. Spencer.