(andPOP) - When I think cool and contemporary, I think Neil Diamond. Except not at all. (Unless we're talking about
Will Farrell as Neil Diamond which is kind of hilarious). So Neil seems like kind of an odd choice for a show that is desperately trying to recapture the attention of the crucial under-25 demographic. But obviously someone important at Idol headquarters disagrees as Diamond plays musical mentor this week to the top 5 contestants.
In a cruel twist of fate, Ryan Seacrest reveals that the "American Idol" contestants are each to sing 2 songs tonight from Neil Diamond's musical catalogue. Two Neil Diamond songs?! That's rough. I feel your pain, kids.
Jason Castro starts things off singing "Forever in Blue Jeans" and later, "September Morn". He sings the former with his guitar and the latter without and it seems like he always does a lot worse sans guitar. "Michelle" in Beatles week? Brutal. The judges think it was all bad though as Randy Jackson calls both songs "just ok, whatever", Paula Abdul advises him to get out of his comfort zone, and Simon Cowell says he doesn't even recognize him anymore.
David Cook chose the songs "I'm Alive" and "All I Really Need is You", neither of which I have ever heard, but both of which he makes sound kind of cool. And how can you not respect a guy that makes random Neil Diamond songs sound cool? Neil himself says Cook gave him goosebumps but he's so monotone that it sounds like he's lying. Randy calls his performances "blazin", Paula says she's already looking at the american idol, and all the judges agree that it's Cook's ability to make songs contemporary that makes him appealing.
Brooke White is wearing what looks like an old costume from my low-budget youth theatre company (sparkly super-wide bell-bottoms and a frilly shirt. Belted of course), and she's singing "I'm a Believer" (which Diamond apparently wrote for The Monkees) and a song called "I Am I Said". "I'm a Believer" comes off super corny and karaoke-esque, but she plays piano for "I Am I Said" and the singer-songwriter at the piano thing usually works for her. None of the judges praised her first performance (Simon called it a nightmare), but they all agree that the second one brought out the Brooke White that they like.
Next up is David Archuleta, who Neil Diamond calls "kind of a prodigy." Only kind of? I wonder what it takes to be considered a full-blown prodigy. I'll have to ask Neil the next time I see him. Archuleta is back to dressing like a kid this week and he does fine with his first song, "Sweet Caroline", but his second song, "Coming to America", is more his style. The gigantic American flag waving on the screen behind him doesn't hurt. Randy thinks he is "the bomb", Paula tells him, "I love you, you were brilliant, have fun" (umm what?), and Simon says that his performance "ticked all the boxes", whatever that means.
Closing the show is Syesha Mercado singing "Hello Again" and "Thank the Lord for the Nighttime". More songs I have never heard of. Awesome. She clearly agrees with Dane Cook's perspective on shoes as she is not wearing any. For the entire show. Her first song is fairly boring (Simon calls it old-fashioned), but the jazzy vibe of her second song works with her performance style. Neil monotone-ly says she's infectious and makes me really miss Andrew Lloyd Webber. Randy believes she's finally realizing who she is, Paula compares her to Corinne Bailey Rae and another singer from the 60s whose name I have never heard, and Simon believes she might be in trouble vote-wise.
It seems that only the Davids are safe for results night, while Neil Diamond is set to perform. Get ready with your fast forward button as Mr. Diamond may be a classic but it turns out he is super dull.
