The Oscars are always a serious affair, full of hoity-toity Hollywood insiders who love giving away gold statues to smart, dramatic films. While it’s always nice to see them reward a project that clearly has a lot of artistic merit, we wish that they could give an Oscar away to something that’s actually fun for once (still upset over The LEGO Movie‘s Best Animated Feature snub).
But you know what’s fun, weird and super-pointless? The MTV Movie Awards. Most of the winners or nominees ever make sense (some of the films nominated are not even in theatres yet) and that’s part of the enjoyment.
So in honour of Sunday’s Academy Awards, we decided to mash up the two award shows together just so we could say we gave away a few Oscars to some very random—but sometimes, to our credit, sensical—winners in really dumb—or horribly under appreciated—categories. It’s really just a bag of fun.
So here we go:
Best Mindless Action Movie: John Wick
Keanu Reeves, who has the emotional depth of a cardboard cut out, seeks revenge after Theon Greyjoy from Game of Thrones (Alfie Allen) kills his beloved dog and he won’t let anyone forget it. Surprisingly, Neo (who is now 50) still has some action hero skills left in him because the fight sequences are absolutely insane.
Best Rom-Com: The F-Word
Daniel Radcliffe is a lovelorn med school dropout who fall for his friend (hence the F-Word, or What If if you’re American). It stars Harry Potter, is a Canadian production, and is set (and was shot) in Toronto. So for that it deserves an award.
The Most WTF Movie: Interstellar
Matthew McConaughey goes into space in an attempt to find a new world for Earth’s dying civilization to live on. We were with McConaughey and director Christopher Nolan up until the whole time-travelling, other dimension bit.
Biggest Disappointment: The Interview
For a movie that got North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un’s panties in a twist and ergo, all the free publicity that followed the country’s empty, childish threats, it just wasn’t that good. The best bit is at the beginning of the movie where (SPOILER ALERT) Eminem nonchalantly confesses to celeb talk show host Dave Skylark (James Franco) that he’s gay. Everything that follows it is pretty monotone for Franco and best pal, Seth Rogen but hey, they did prove that Kim Jong-Un is a giant man-baby and they deserve a reward for that.
Best Buddy Comedy: 22 Jump Street
Was the sequel to the cop comedy 21 Jump Street as good as the original? Probably not but it came pretty damn close. If they some of the self-referential sequel jokes that make up the first half of the movie, it probably would’ve been a lot better. With that said, Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum make a great team and that Ice Cube jab was immaculately delivered.
The Movie That Made Us All Ugly Cry: The Fault In Our Stars
The film version of John Green’s love story about cancer stricken star crossed lovers was just as sad as the novel itself. We’re sorry, movie theatres around the world, for leaving a disgusting trail of Kleenex all over your floors.
The Person Who Made Us Want To Hit The Gym: Shailene Woodley in Divergent
Shailene Woodley’s Tris fights her way to stay in the badass Dauntless faction as she tries to hide the fact that she’s a Divergent. We never wanted to hit up a boxing gym until we saw this film.
Best Action Star: Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1
When is JLaw never not one of our favourites?
Best Voice Actor: Chris Pratt in The LEGO Movie
Chris Pratt was just so perfect as the clueless, happy-go-lucky LEGO guy Emmett who ends up saving his LEGO world. We felt this way before we binged-watch all of Parks and Recreations in order and saw what he new abs could do in Guardians of the Galaxy. Besides, we just really want the LEGO Movie to get the recognition it deserves, okay?!
Best Earworm: The LEGO Movie
Please see above.
Best Surprise: Evan Peters in X-Men Days of Future Past
Evan Peters was perfect as a young Quicksilver. We didn’t know that this American Horror Story actor had that kind of comedic timing in him.
Best Use of Fake Teeth (a.k.a. The Jonah Hill Award): Tilda Swinton in Snowpiercer
Tilda Swinton is a heavenly creature who can do no wrong. The way she embodied every bit (including those TEETH) of her monstrous spokesperson Mason was masterful.
Hottest Person in Glasses: Nicholas Hoult in X-Men: Days of Future Past
These days, glasses add a touch of unexpected sexiness. But just LOOK at Hoult. LOOK AT HIM. UNF.
The Hottest Cast: Divergent
Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Miles Teller, Ansel Elgort, Zoe Kravitz… I mean, come on.
The Cutest Cast: The Maze Runner
The little kid from Love, Actually grew up to be the Glade’s resident smarty-pants. Enough said.