When the Emmys manage to get something wrong each year with their nominations, I always claim that, “I don’t care. They don’t matter. It’s the work that counts.”
Then comes Emmy night. And then comes my blind rage. Because at this point, it’s been the same winners for the last four years. Some of them are deserved. Some of them not so much.
Shall we begin with our Emmys 2014 recap? We shall! (Warning: there will be yelling — and blood).
The Host: Seth Meyers
I caught the show late, but I’ll place my judgement on that. A Mystic Pizza joke and a CSI: Miami joke. Really, Seth, REALLY?!
Apparently, I didn’t miss much. There was a tiresome dig at the MTV VMAs from the night before (“That’s right: MTV still has an awards show for music videos even though they no longer show music videos”), and then a new dig at the Emmys itself (“That’s like network TV holding an awards show and giving all the trophies to cable and Netflix. That would be crazy”).
He also got some help from veteran award show host, Amy Poehler, whom he jokingly called “Beyoncé.” But we all know the truth: Amy Poehler is the Beyoncé of TV. The sooner we can accept that, the sooner we can start throwing awards at her.
The Winners & Losers
Jim Parsons won his fourth Emmy last night for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. Look, I’m sure Jim Parsons is a swell fellow. I’m sure he makes you, yes you, laugh every week with those “bazinga” jokes. Like I said in my predictions (which, minus like five, were pretty off), his first one, and maybe even the second one, was fine. Maybe even deserved but at this point, it’s simply unfair to his peers – his peers who are, 100 per cent doing better work than he is.
At the same time, Amy Poehler still doesn’t have an Emmy. If Julia Louis-Dreyfus wasn’t currently putting in the best work of her career with every episode of Veep, I’d be legitimately mad but I can’t be. Unlike Parsons, Julia’s repeat wins are entirely deserved.
Not surprisingly, Breaking Bad swept a majority of the categories it was nominated for, including Outstanding Drama Series. Also not surprisingly, Jon Hamm still doesn’t have an Emmy, but I digress. (Weird Al during his musical number: “Jon Hamm’s never won an Emmy/Oh who cares, he’s still Jon freaking Hamm!”)
Julianna Marguiles won for The Good Wife which almost makes up for it being snubbed for Best Drama.
Modern Family won. Again. It’s actually mind-boggling because, while Modern Family is a solid series (the first two seasons were great), there are other shows out there that are funnier. The insistence of the Emmys to award Modern Family is like your aunt telling you that there’s nothing else good on TV but she loves Modern Family because “she gets it.” I feel like the Emmys, or the voters at least, think they’re saying something really important by awarding the show when, unfortunately, they really aren’t.
The Reminder of Tatiana Maslany’s Snub
It’ll forever burn.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Bryan Cranston making out while she was on her way to scoop up her Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series prize. It was both a Seinfeld joke and an inside joke with the members of the audience who managed to stay awake.
The Billy On The Street segment with Seth Meyers and Billy Eichner actually had me howling.
Billy Crystal‘s tribute to his friend Robin Williams was incredibly touching and the complete opposite of the mess that was the tribute at the MTV VMAs.
Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson bro’d out on-stage just as they were presenting an award. Woody gave his best “Alright, alright, alright,” Matthew threw out one sly inside joke in reference to the accusations True Detective was plagiarized, and it was an all-around good time. If the Emmys are searching for a new hosting duo next year, look no further.
Weird Al Yankovic had his own musical moment where he added lyrics to various theme songs. Our favourite lines: see “Jon Hamm” above and “Don’t get too attached to a certain guy/(have a backup)/he might drink some poison wine/(that’s a spoiler!)” for Game of Thrones. Andy Samberg also dressed up as everyone’s favourite little shit, King Joffrey.
True Detective director Cary Fukunaga’s Snoop Dogg braids. He’s just so handsome. [Ed.'s note: Sorry, I just had to add this in.]
Gwen Stefani pulled a John Travolta and said the “Col-bort Report” instead of the “Col-bear Report.”