Longest honeymoon ever? Reign‘s episode 14, “Dirty Laundry,” fast forwards through time as Francis and Mary return to French Court after their two month honeymoon. But they aren’t the only ones coming back.
Remember last week when Bash was supposed to be killed? We know he’s alive since we saw him fend off the guards. And in an attempt to get Mary back, he returns to the Court to tell her that he believes Francis is the one who made the orders to kill him.
Bash also returns for another reason. While roaming the woods, Bash somehow found Olivia! (Remember Olivia? Francis’s blonde French ex-girlfriend who Clarissa attacked in the tunnels back in episode seven when the castle was being taken hostage by the Italians. I know many people cheered when Olivia disappeared — any nobody at French Court seemed to care).
Anyway, Olivia randomly turns up in the woods acting like an animal and having been attacked and bitten by what exactly? We’re not sure. Bash takes Olivia to Nostradamus as she seems to be possessed, speaks of a darkness that’s coming and even stabs the Court Priest with his own crucifix.
While Bash was out in the woods for two months, King Henry had been lining up suitors for Kenna at the Court. It’s why we see the Archduke of Bohemia courting Lady Kenna. While Kenna plays him, King Henry “plays” with the Archduke’s sister. These writers are forever coming up with new and unexpected stories: this time it’s falling to your death during sex. I kid you not! King Henry is having sex with the Duchess by an open window when she suddenly falls backward out of the window and to her death on a balcony below.
None of it would do wonders for the King’s image so Henry goes to Catherine, begging for her help since she is the most deceitful person around. I’ve honestly never laughed so hard while watching this show, but in a good way. Catherine bargains with Henry to get the chateau and in return, helps him clean up his mess … literally. On hands and knees the King and Queen scrub the blood off the balcony then roll up the Duchess’s body and carry it through the castle. I never thought I’d see such a hilarious and, at the same time, brilliant story on this show.
The King and Queen decide to stage a suicide. They write a suicide note on behalf of the Duchess and push her body out her own window. As the story unfolds, witty Catherine lies by claiming the Duchess was actually sleeping with the Priest. I mean, when you’ve already got his body, why not blame a death on someone who can’t argue against it?! At least not convincingly.
In the meantime, it’s more baby making time in the castle. Everyone is expecting Mary to get pregnant since that’s her job as Francis’s wife (oh, the feminist in me struggles to watch this show sometimes). But it’s hilarious when Catherine provides Mary with some remedies to help her get pregnant. The best (and most awkward) part is Catherine explaining how to use the dugs. “Rub this on your chest 10 minutes before love making. It may burn, ignore it. And this on his … well you know,” she instructs Mary. Can you imagine having that conversation with your mother-in-law?!
I’m detecting there may be some problems with Mary and Francis conceiving a child because, PLOT TWIST, guess who is pregnant? Lola! Remember when her and Francis slept together that one time? Apparently the dude’s fertile. Yet Mary and Francis have been together for two months and have conceived nothing. They just keep stirring up the drama.
Lola’s pregnancy is initially made obvious when her new dress won’t fit and she doesn’t want to eat. Kenna caught the clues and is the first to figure out Lola is pregnant with Francis’s child. It’s clearly not an ideal situation so Lola decides she’s going to do something about it. In a controversial topic, which I admire the writers for taking it on, Lola fights to have a choice — as a woman and a mother — and decides to get an abortion. But this is 1557, and the process is very primitive. I cringe after I see the shack where the abortions are done and the solid iron tools they use. But Mary comes to the rescue and stops Lola from ending the pregnancy but she doesn’t realize until that moment that the baby she’s protecting is her husband’s.
Rather than take the role of mistress, it seems Lola may decide to leave the castle and never tell Francis about the child. Oh, what would Catherine think of all this? Who are we kidding, of course Catherine is going to find out, so the better question is: what will she think?
Side Note: Can we appreciate how fantastic Kenna’s dress from Mary is? Where can I get this?
If that wasn’t enough for one episode, there was one more storyline. While Bash was in the woods, he came across a huntress — well, more like he was pummelled by one. This mysterious huntress and her brother ended up befriending him. When Bash decides to leave France (which he was supposed to do last episode) after Mary convinces him to, Bash goes to say goodbye to his new friends. When does “saying goodbye” not mean a kiss in the fictional world of TV? Yes, Bash finally gets a love interest that isn’t Mary. (Love interest may be an overstatement at this point).
Sure some random huntress who lives in the woods isn’t exactly who I had in mind for Bash, but it is so great seeing him get his own love story, one that doesn’t involve a third party. It’s not because I’m on Team Francis (which I am) but because I think Bash deserves better than Mary to be honest. His character deserves his own great love, someone who’s not connected to French Court. Bash is such a fantastic character that it’s wasteful for the show to keep throwing him into a love triangle between Mary and Francis. Bash could have a really strong love story of his own, something I hope happens and I can’t wait to see that unfold.
What do you think about everything that went on in episode 14?