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An Open (Birthday) Letter To Justin Bieber

Posted on March 1, 2013 by

Happy Birthday, JBiebs!

Dear Justin Bieber,

It’s your 19th birthday today. Happy birthday! The older you get, the more mature you’re supposed to be.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like 19 is such an important year. The most important thing about being nineteen is that you’re now legal to drink all over Canada. We know that you probably get the star treatment and like most teenagers, you’ve been doing this for quite a while. But if you were still back in your hometown, we’d know that tonight you’ll be drinking and clubbing until your liver falls apart. So, make a trip to the Great White North and do just that. Just know your limit and don’t drive. If you want to just chill at home, that’s cool too. Not everyone wants to get black out drunk on their big day and subsequently loses memory of what happened.

So let’s talk more about that maturity thing I’ve mentioned before. Lately, your fashion choices are a bit questionable. I mean, purple leopard pants that literally sag up to your knees? Yellow studded hat? Since when did you become the third member of LMFAO? To be honest, I like how you look in your “bad boy apparel” with a leather jacket and a plain v-neck shirt. I hate to go all senior citizen on you but at least pull up your pants, even if just a bit. Sagging them to your knees is a bit to extreme. Don’t worry, girls will still swoon over you even if they’re not as baggy as before. Just take it down a notch and it should be fine.

On the topic of maturity, this the may be the appropriate time to bring up is Selena Gomez. Are you back together? Are you not? Tabloids are tabloids but sometimes fangirls need that glimpse of hope thinking that you’ll be with them someday. Your relationship is the definition of Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together.” She says she’s had enough, yet you try to work it out. You break up, you get back together, and it’s a continuous cycle. Define your relationship status with her! You can either man up and let her be, or man up and show her you can indeed change into the man of her dreams. Please take note of the use of the word “man,” not “boy.”

Hope you take this into a bit of consideration – or don’t. I mean, you’re a heartthrob and a heartbreaker who has accomplished more than me. You’ve also devoted a lot of your time to charity work which I, as a Canadian, are incredibly proud of! I’m pretty sure you’re capable of making smart choices. Other than that, happy birthday!

Love,

Kathleen

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