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Five People Who Would Make a Better Pope Than Lindsay Lohan

Posted on February 14, 2013 by

For the first time in over 600 years, the head of the Catholic Church, otherwise known as the Pope, resigned from the holy post on Monday. Because this happens to be the Internet, everyone seems to have an opinion on who should replace Pope Benedict XVI as the religion’s high poobah.

Many have offered some more progressive suggestions for the perpetually conservative religion (Black! Hispanic! A woman!) but who would ever have thought that Lindsay Lohan’s name would have entered the fray, even if it was a complete forgery.

Just so we’re 100 per cent clear, the above tweet is a fake. It’s really not that hard to fake a tweet. Even so, it’s still a hilarious thought that Lindsay Lohan of all people would ever aspire so high.

While the Vatican does have their own system and pool of more highly qualified candidates to choose from, we can’t help but think of some celebrities that would make a better Pope. So here are the top 5 people that would make a better Pope than Lindsay Lohan.

1. Oprah Winfrey

She’s already a goddamn saint without actually being a saint.

2. Beyoncé

We’re already loyal followers of Queen Bey. I’m sure she has more wisdom to share with us.

3. Ellen Degeneres

Because the world would be a happier place with Degeneres leading it.

4. Sir Ian McKellen

He’s Gandalf and Magneto! Turning water into wine should be a piece of cake for the knight. He’s also proudly gay. Bonus progressive points!

5. A Cat

Remember, we just need to beat Lindsay Lohan here. No need to look to far.

 

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