Valentine’s Day is a weird time for singletons… or at least this singleton. You spend half of the lead up to the big day feeling sorry for yourself for not having a Valentine and the other half screaming about how free and independent you feel about not being tied down to a significant other. This is a confusing time of year to say the least, and what better way to get through confusion than music? Here’s a playlist for all those feeling “forever alone” this week…featuring songs to play if your happy about being single, sad about it, or any make-it-weird feeling in between.
1) Dancing With Myself – Billy Idol
Right, it’s Valentine’s Day and you’re dateless. Sad. BUT, chocolate is discounted and you don’t have to stress all night about wearing the correct shade of red. Sometimes it’s just less of a hassle to be unencumbered by a mate so why not dance it out?! Sink another sink and jam out because nobody will ever love you as much as you love you.
Best for: Dancing around your room wearing silky underwear while eating a lifesized Toblerone (I may or may not be speaking from personal experience on this one.
2) It’s Not Fair – Lily Allen
Here’s another song for the “Thank God I’m Single” file. Here, Lily Allen (Cooper now for those counting at home) describes one of the more intimate issues that may occur on Valentine’s Day. Picture it: You’ve spent all night wooing the lad/lady of your choosing and you finally get them back to your house/apartment/spaceship and you simply can’t… perform. When you’re single this doesn’t/won’t happen, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it, people on dates (not bitter, nope, not me).
Best for: Get your mind out of the gutter, you filthy animal.
3) Don’t Let It Break Your Heart – Coldplay
Sometimes being alone on Valentine’s Day can be a major bummer, and not even that giant Toblerone can fill the hole in your heart. This feeling fills you with what the LOL Cats would refer to as “sedz” (read: sads). Coldplay is here to give you strength; sometimes being alone sucks but “come on baby, don’t let it break your heart” (Valentine’s Day was invented by card companies after all!).
Best for: Dragging you out of a hole of self pity.
4) Your Ex-Lover Is Dead – Stars
This song brings us to the blue song of the spectrum. Seriously, if you can listen to this and not feel sad/start crying I fear there actually may be something the matter with you. If you’ve recently suffered a breakup then V-Day can be particularly harsh, and sad feelings can be particularly rough to deal with. Stars encourages you to feel these things, and lets you know that your will be better for feeling them after.
Best for: Sobbing.
5) There She Is (acoustic version) – Mumm-Ra
Sticking with the sadness theme for a sec, we come to this gem by Mumm-Ra. They’re broken up now (fittingly for this playlist) but they left us with one of the best themes of unrequited love. If you didn’t get to spend your Valentine’s with the person that you wanted, this one’s for you.
Best for: Pretending your body pillow is an actual human.
6) Julienne – Kilo Kish
Sometimes one ends up alone on Single’s Awareness Day due to powers beyond their control. In this song Kilo plays a girl who becomes a bit jealous, and a tad crazy (she stabs the guy at the end, but you know NBD). Sometimes this is the way love unfolds and we just need to get rid of the person who makes us feel all stabby.
Best for: Reminding yourself why you broke up with someone (do not drunk dial them after your fifth Valentine’s glass of wine, I beg you).
7) Break Your Heart – Taio Cruz
Now I’m a cynic. My mother says it isn’t an attractive quality in one so young, but the heart wants what the heart wants. It’s my firm belief that if you start a relationship you’re going to end up sad about it in some capacity. You might say that this idea is Ludacris (Heh. Made myself laugh) but come on, are you really going to be with the sweaty, nervous wreck across from you forever? Taio breaks it down here and reminds us that it might be better to not have a Valentine because we all end up shattered about it in the end.
Best for: Playing to your friends when they endlessly insist you should “find someone”.
8) Irreplaceable – Beyonce
Moving on to the dumped/dumping/dumpee portion of tonight’s program we have this Queen Bey classic. Feeling a bit annoyed with your significant other in the lead up to this year’s love festivities? Then dump ‘em and instruct them to put all their things in the box to the left. After all, lovers (“That word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza” – Liz Lemon) are fairly interchangeable if you want them to be. Get rid of your guilt by playing this at the loudest possible volume while you resume eating Toblerones (no, this post was not sponsored by the Toblerone company. They’re just the best).
Best for: Getting rid of your guilt for dumping your latest spaz two days before V-Day.
9) Love Me Dead – Ludo
Just because your relationship status isn’t perfect does not mean that there isn’t a love song out there for you. Sometimes your girlfriend/boyfriend/longterm cat needs to be sung a love song in which there is no love and it’s really a long, extended list of their flaws. “You’re awful/I love you” sing Ludo…erm, thanks! If you’re on the verge of collapse, but are trying to just squeeze one more holiday/Instagram moment out of your partner try playing them this track to let them know what’s what.
Best for: Letting your partner know it’s almost over without having to use real human communication.
10) Ho Hey – The Lumineers
This song is the last song on our pity party express, all those wishing to continue to wallow please alight here. This is another song about unrequited love, but it has an optimistic tone. Even though The Lumineers are sad that they don’t have their preferred sweetheart they still seem kind of okay, which I think is an important message to carry on Valentine’s Day.
Best for: Helping yourself move on.
11) Forget You – Cee-Lo
This is probably my favourite anti-Valentine’s song. This is pretty much how I feel not just to every person I have ever liked, but to this entire holiday in general. Valentine’s Day was pretty much invented to sell cards and candy, all while making single people feel bad about themselves. It’s pretty much all nonsense (really…I’d be suspicious of being with someone who puts a heavy importance on Valentine’s Day. They will turn out to be a stage five clinger). So forget about the person who’s making you feel down, forget about being single when all your friends have dates, and forget Valentine’s Day.
Best for: Being your own Valentine.