In the world of celebrity news, there’s no shortage of hits and misses. This week, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian announced they’re having a baby and a paparazzi was killing while tailing Justin Bieber’s Ferrari.
HIT: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are having a baby
Kimye is having a baby so I’m hope that the baby’s first outfit is a Louis Vuitton onesie (Comme des Garçon if Kanye is feeling a little avant garde that day) and his name is King Kanye the Almighty (Princess Kim if it’s a girl). Obviously I’m weirdly excited over this because I’m slightly afraid to know what the spawn of Satan the product of two insanely large egos will look like. I ended up doing a little digging and found out Kanye has already storyboarded his baby’s birth. It’s going to look something like this (you are welcome):
MISS: Paparazzi killed while tailing Justin Bieber’s Ferrari
A 29-year-old photographer was killing by a passing car as he was taking photos of Justin Bieber’s white Ferrari in Los Angeles. The car in question was being pulled over by the cops but Bieber was reportedly not in the driver’s seat or even in the vehicle. The Biebs made a statement through his label asking for tougher laws to protect celebrities, police officers, innocent bystanders and photographers. He does have a good point— the paparazzi are known to be incredibly aggressive when it comes to tailing celebrities. Maybe the Biebs can inspire the American Congress to agree on something because they’re too busy arguing about nothing to do anything.
HIT: Jennifer Lawrence creepily stared at Meryl Streep
In another edition of “Celebrities: They’re Just Like Us!,” Jennifer Lawrence confessed to Vanity Fair that instead of introducing herself to Meryl Streep, she just stared creepily at the decorated actress from a far. “Like, for instance, one time someone was introducing me to Bill Maher, and I saw Meryl Streep walk into the room,” she said, “and I literally put my hand right in Bill Maher’s face and said, ‘Not now, Bill!,’ and I just stared at Meryl Streep.”
She also almost shot a home intruder with her bow and arrow.
Jennifer Lawrence for imaginary BFF status? I think so.
MISS: Harry Styles and Taylor Swift New Year’s Kiss
Taylor Swift performed in New York for Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin Eve and her new boy toy Harry Styles tagged along to watch. Naturally, her arms were wrapped around her new boy toy when the ball dropped at midnight and gave him a smooch. Ugh. Why is this not over already? Stop ruining every famous person for us. We don’t want to know more about them through your revenge songs. Go date some unfamous people for a while. It might do you good and we can stop finally stop guessing who your next song might be about.
HIT: Jay-Z to help score The Great Gatsby
Jay-Z’s producer The Bullitts dropped the bomb on Sunday tweeting that he and Jay-Z are working hard to score the upcoming Great Gatsby. I’m sorry JT fans, but this is much better news than Justin Timberlake briefly returning to music to score a film because this means some badass beats to accompany a badass Gatsby. It was like director Baz Luhrmann was thinking how else could he appease the masses after pushing back Gatsby’s release because throwing “No Church in the Wild” into the trailers wasn’t enough. Seriously though, WHY IS IT NOT MAY ALREADY?
MISS: Leonardo DiCaprio gave Kate Winslet away to marry her third husband, Ned Rocknroll
Who else thought Kate Winslet was a nice, normal English lady? You too? Awesome, too bad we were slightly off seeing as she married some dude with the last name ROCKNROLL. It turns out Rocknroll’s mother was the nice lady Winslet saved from a fire on Richard Branson’s private island. Branson also happens to be Rocknroll’s uncle and the rich tycoon gave Winslet tickets to go into outerspace once he gets his commercial space travel business running. And to throw some salt into the wound, Titanic friend Leonardo DiCaprio gave Winslet away at the wedding. NO, LEO. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MARRY KATE. DID YOU NOT WATCH YOUR OWN MOVIE?! GAH!