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Mermaids DO NOT exist, assures U.S. agency

Posted on July 4, 2012 by
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Some people take things a little too seriously. After airing a creepy, fictional special about the existence of mermaids on Animal Planet, The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration in the U.S. started getting a few calls asking whether or not mermaids are real.

The answer they came up with might surprise you: flying unicorns, Teletubbies and sharktapuses actually exist. Except not really because they’re all made up in FICTION dummy. The agency confirmed that the half-human, half-fish sea creatures are not genuine, living species in a statement: “Mermaids – those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea – are legendary sea creatures chronicled in maritime cultures since time immemorial… But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”

They had to compile the response out of already existing information because, duh, they don’t have a department devoted to studying mythical sea creatures. We’re glad they settled it for us. I mean, Ariel is one thing but the mermaids explored in the   television special Mermaids: The Body Found are damn creepy (see below)

Keep in mind this statement comes just after the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement assuring us that zombies are not real. Suspicious. Are these agencies all trying to hide something from us?

Watch the trailer here:

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