By Galen Simmons
Today we mourn the passing of one Alex “Starburns” Osbourne, whose life was tragically cut short by a mobile meth lab explosion. Alex was remembered today by his fellow classmates at Greendale Community College. The students took the news of Starburn’s death as a sign of the futility of the education provided by the school. A wave of discontent and violence overtook the crowd at the memorial, led by the infamous Greendale Seven.
Using the violence as an excuse, head of security Chang coerced the Dean into allowing emergency police-state powers, which allowed Chang and his pre-teen police force to unleash a wave of their own violence.
This ultimately led to a secret takeover of the school by Chang, who replaced Dean Pelton with a compliant look-a-like. When the dust finally settled, the Greendale Seven had been expelled and the future of Greendale was placed in doubt.
With that in mind, here are five things I learned from last night’s episode, “Course Listing Unavailable.”
1) Troy doesn’t deal with death well. Apparently he has avoided the subject his entire life. At the mere mention of Starburn’s passing, Troy has a mini breakdown. Apparently, Troy also thinks Jeff can prevent people from dying by never finishing his sentence, all because Jeff said 100 people had died by the time he finished talking.
2) Starburns was prepared to die for some time. He filmed and edited a video will, and for some reason, had given Abed and Troy power of attorney. The video will also had extra action footage, for Abed and Troy to splice into the will for extra zazz. Nothing’s more exciting than a video will set to heavy rock music and the deceased acting in badly produced action scenes.
3) Even after spending the last 13 years of his life at Greendale, Pierce apparently still has more loyalty to the people he’s known for only the past three years than he does for the school. He doesn’t even like half the people he hangs around with. What does that say about Greendale?
4) Annie may or may not have fallen off the wagon. After having kicked her Adderall habit before her first year at Greendale, she managed to stay relatively sober. Until she got expelled, that is. Even though she only has one drink (that we saw), one drink leads to more drinks, and more drinks lead to addiction.
5) Dean Pelton may have had better control over the school if he paid attention to Greendale students that aren’t in the study group. Pelton’s loss, Chang’s gain.