By Jasmine Williams
Jess is the new Monica Lewinsky, and Cece and Schmidt are talking about the “C” word, that’s right guys, ‘commitment.’ Also, Winston’s rocking a really weird earring and the obligatory jokes are pretty much the comedic highlight of the show.
Here’s what I learned on this week’s New Girl, “Backslide.”
1) Jess is in a funk after breaking up with Russell. It’s a lot of the same sad Joni Mitchell song, lying on a carpet and roommates trying (and failing) at cheering her up. Luckily, it works just enough to get her out of her room so we don’t have to be subjected to the sight of seeing Caroline booty pop any longer.
2) Backsliding. It’s a condition that occurs post break-up, when you go crawling back to your ex and make everything messier than it was before. You want to avoid this by any means necessary. Playing keep-away with someone’s phone may be one of these means. Thank you Schmidt for improving my vocabulary, one made-up word at a time.
3) Nick’s got a major case of the backslides as it seems that he’s back together with his terrible ex, who stomped all over his heart and never looked back. Maybe Nick shouldn’t look back either. And he definitely shouldn’t be thinking about moving in with her.
4) Schmidt’s itty bitty Schmidty is still broken and this is a problem because he is a horndog who gets aroused by a mother bird in her nest. Sorry, there was no way to make that less creepy. So Cece takes him along to visit her grandma and to give his little soldier a rest. And Granny threatens to die and haunt him if he hurts Cece. If that’s not a boner killer I don’t know what is.
5) Jess backslid, all the way back down to our boyfriend Justin Long a.k.a. Paul a.k.a. the male Jess. Too bad he already has a girlfriend a.k.a the Asian version of Jess. There are too many Jess’ right now (and too many a.k.a’s) my head hurts.
