Do you remember the time when reality shows were the only way to get some undeserved fame? Now it seems that everyone is trying to cash in with Youtube. While the internet has produced some indisputable stars like Darren Criss (of A Very Potter Musical fame) and Kreayshawn (“Gucci Gucci”), it has also produced some duds. Double Take, the latest viral video success (depending on your definition of success) inspired us to list the five worst music videos that we secretly love.
1) Lisa Gail Allred — 3 Second Rule
Listening to three seconds of this song is all need to know this is the best of the worst. Allred, who’s probably the oldest person on this list, took the original video down after receiving harsh comments and criticism for it. It’s been re-uploaded since, but why anyone would take time out of their day to film this in the first place is puzzling.
The terribly sung lyrics are about how Allred’s husband can only look at another woman for three seconds, a rule that “keeps her man in line.” It’s apparently such a universally important lesson that she felt compelled to teach it to a group of young lads (for her, anyway) decked out in white shirts and cowboy hats. Partly creepy and partly painful — with desperation sprinkled in for good measure — “3 Second Rule” is a song that no one would ever want to hear again. Or would you?
2) Brokencyde — Freaxxx
I don’t know what bothers me more, the overly auto-tuned dance music or the screaming. In reality, girls don’t want guys screeching into their ears asking to have sex with them. That’s probably the fastest way to a) get turned down and b) have a drink thrown into your face. Yet, Brokencyde seems to be living in a world of delusion. Not only does their video include obligatory cars and dancing girls, but someone dancing around in a pig costume. Are they trying to tell us they have some secret sexual fantasy? Girls of the world, run away.
3) Double Take — Hot Problems
You already know our stance on this one, but at the time of writing this, Double Take somehow managed to get just over 10 million views under their belt. With numbers like that, everyone is wondering if they’ll become the next Rebecca Black. While the song itself is as cringeworthy and as such deserves to be on a list like this, I think it’s even worse than Black’s. Double Take doesn’t have her unassuming charisma or sincerity. If I wanted to hear about “hot girl” problems, I’ll stick to watching Mean Girls on repeat.
4) Bangs, “Take U to da Movies”
Incredibly laughable and hardly forgettable is probably the best way to describe this track from the Sudanese-born, Australian rapper, Bangs. It’s difficult to pinpoint only one of my favourite lines, especially when it’s filled with doozies like: “take me to the movie Friday night, that’s right/ what time’s it now, it’s half past three” and “dress good, put some perfume on so I can smell good!” Did I also forget to mention Bangs has dedicated this song to “all the ladies out there who like to go to da movies?” I’m totally flattered, too.
Bangs kept his YouTube career going by following up with hits such as “My Baby” and “Meet You on the Facebook.” He’s even appeared in an Australian Honda commercial answering the age old question: “How much rap can you fit into a car?” Apparently, a lot if you can throw in some fake cash, jewelry and hot girls.
5) Rebecca Black, “Friday”
Let’s face it, 2011 was the year of Rebecca Black. Racking up millions of fews in a matter of days, “Friday” is the perfect pop song as it combines a catchy melody, stupid lyrics and an easily mockable video. The song quickly infiltrates your headspace and refuses to leave — the word “Friday” alone will have you reeling for days.
Admittedly, Black’s complete lack of self-awareness gave her the ability to capitalize on her viral success. Thanks to “Friday,” Black has been invited to numerous high-profile red carpet events, a cameo in Katy Perry’s music video “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.),” and reportedly makes $24,900 a week. Though she may not be a global superstar in the same sense as Beyoncé is, there’s no way we could ever erase Black from pop culture history.