halo wars swordsBullets and Blades – The Top 5 Weapons in Modern Gaming

What would Link be without his sword?  Samus Aran without her patented arm-mounted gun that doesn’t resemble Mega Man’s at all?  Other cliches without their weapons?  With the possible exception of Street Fighter and/or Mortal Kombat, many games have legendary heroes and villains that wield weapons and armor of a similarly epic nature.  This week, we’ll be looking over another Top 5 List, this time focusing on the greatest gear in gaming, and who wields it.

I’d like to mention right off the bat that the Mega Man Blaster or the Master Sword won’t be making an appearance in this list.  When I say weapons in modern gaming, I’m talking new games from the Playstation 2/Xbox era forward.  As much as I would like to mention epic weapons from times past (cough – Masamune! – cough) let’s stick to the more current list.  With that in mind, let’s take a look at our list!

You don't view Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris views you.

You don't view Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris views you.

Honourable Mention:  Chuck Norris

I can’t even start this list without mentioning the Norris… seriously, I can’t because I fear his reprisal.  In case you were wondering, the reason that no weapon is listed is because Chuck Norris is a weapon. It has been said that there is no chin behind that epic beard, only another fist.  He does not sleep – he waits.  If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.  I could continue forever but I fear the Norris would grow impatient, so let’s move on to our next entry in our top 5.  You laugh now, but I’m not the one who’s going to get a roundhouse kick to the face.

I had a gun like that once. I was asleep though, and when I woke up the sheets were wet.

I had a gun like that once. I was asleep though, and when I woke up the sheets were wet.

5.  The Chainsaw Bayonet – Gears of War

It doesn't make julienne fries, but it will destroy your face.

It doesn't make julienne fries, but it will destroy your face.

Ahh, the eternal conundrum – should I break out the assault rifle, or the chainsaw?  I know I hate that decision, but we’re in luck – with the chainsaw bayonet attachment to the Lancer assault rifle.  As a last-ditch  weapon, the chainsaw can be effective – but more often than not, in GoW it’s generally a seldom-used weapon.  It’s ineffectiveness takes nothing away from it’s sheer awesomeness, though.  My only real problem with it is that it’s been done. Over 20 years ago by a little company names Games Workshop in their Warhammer 40,000 tabletop game.  You’ll get a much better idea of the badassery that is the chainsword in Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine which will hopefully be released soon on the Xbox 360 and PS3.  Until then, GoW has the monopoly on face-shredding chainblades.  Enjoy it while you can, Gears of War.

The only Chinese knockoff worth owning.

The only Chinese knockoff worth owning.

4.  The Gauss Rifle – Fallout 3 Operation: Anchorage DLC

Maybe it’s just because I’m a huge nerd, but gauss weapons turn me on.  If you’re familiar with the theory behind them (and I mean, who isn’t, right?) then maybe you get why.  Anyway, the Gauss Rifle is arguably the best gun in Fallout 3, along with the Tesla Cannon.  With phenomenal range, damage and a scope to match, this weapon would terrify Raiders and Ghouls alike if the AI was smart enough to recognize the gun before it blows their faces off.  Eh… it’s more fun this way anyhow.

3. The Handheld Ore Cutter Line Gun: Dead Space

I was going to make an Amy Winehouse comment, but then I didn't care.

I was going to make an Amy Winehouse comment, but then I didn't care.

The Line Gun.  After creeping through the shadows of the Ishimura, jumping at every noise or movement, I think the game starts to turn around after finding this weapon.  Well of course, it’s not really a weapon anyway – it’s a tool.  Used to cut boulders down to size, it can be used equally efficiently to cut the Necromorphs infesting the ship down to bite-size pieces (bite-sized, get it?  ‘Cause they’re trying to eat you – nevermind).  Although to be fair, even though I felt way more confident with the Line Gun in my arsenal, it did not help me when I got cocky and mauled to death by mutant zombie cannibal space monsters.  So the drawback to the Line Gun is really that it only works well when the person using it isn’t a ponce.

I cut this down in GIMP. Nothing else in this picture mattered.

I cut this down in GIMP. Nothing else in this picture mattered.

2.  The Blades of Chaos: God of War

I believe I mentioned Kratos in another article as being one of the most badass “heroes” of all time, but what makes him badass?  The fact that he’s a Spartan? His defiance of an entire pantheon of gods? His frequent threesomes with Greek wenches?   The answer is yes.  More accurately, the answer is no – the Blades of Chaos gifted to Kratos brought him from the merely badass to the epic shin-kicking, face-stomping killer of puppies we know and love.  Two swords that look like Tim Burton’s kitchen knives on chains.  What’s that?  A harpy flying over you, causing trouble?  No problem.  Just whip a sword at it, swing it around just for the collateral damage, and snap it back to your hand all with the press of a button.  Easy as taking candy from a baby.  Kratos does that, too.

1.  The Knife: Every Game That Ever Had It.

You don't even have time to say "Balls."

You don't even have time to say "Balls."

I know, it sounds weird.  Topping this list with the weapon that most games start you off with or only include as a crappy backup weapon?  But consider a couple of games that use the knife as possibly the deadliest weapon in the game, and that’s for three reasons: dominance, stealth, and infinite ammo.

The Metal Gear series is a perfect example of where knives go very right or very wrong (yes, I know I’m a MGS addict – bear with me).  In MGS and MGS2, there wasn’t really a knife, as it was all punches and kicks in close combat (and the combat system was super awkward anyway).  MGS3 and 4, however, introduced the knife in a system they called CQC (Close Quarters Combat) which allowed you to completely dominate the enemy to the point where they couldn’t even fight back.  Turok for the PS3 showcased the knife even in the demo – as a weapon that could allow you to massacre an enemy without them ever fighting back.

As for stealth, what weapon is more silent and deadly at the same time than a knife in well-trained hands?  In both Metal Gear Solid and Turok, the knife is introduced to give the ability to disable or kill an enemy without compromising silence or stealth.  Especially in MGS, where the knife can be held to the throat and used to force the enemy into a more secluded space where they can then be owned beyond recognition.

Finally, infinite ammo – need I say more?  You don’t need to reload a knife, and even if you happen to throw it at the enemy, you can usually pull it out of them when you’re done.  Bullets don’t get a re-throw.

If you have any contributions to the list of greatest weapons in modern games, send it below!  See you next week.

Cheers.

Bullets and Blades – The Top 5 Weapons in Modern Gaming

What would Link be without his sword?  Samus Aran without her patented arm-mounted gun that doesn’t resemble Mega Man’s at all?  Other cliches without their weapons?  With the possible exception of Street Fighter and/or Mortal Kombat, many games have legendarly heroes and villains that wield weapons and armor of a similarly epic nature.  This week, we’ll be looking over another Top 5 List, this time focusing on the greatest gear in gaming, and who wields it.

I’d like to mention right off the bat that the Megta Man Blaster or the Master Sword won’t be making an appearance in this list.  When I say weapons in modern gaming, I’m talking new games from the Playstation 2/Xbox era forward.  As much as I would like to mention epic weapons from times past (cough – Masamune! – cough) let’s stick to the more current list.  With that in mind, let’s take a look at our list!

Honourable Mention:  Chuck Norris

I can’t even start this list without mentioning the Norris… seriously, I can’t because I fear his reprisal.  In case you were wondering, the reason that no weapon is listed is because Chuck Norris is a weapon. It has been said that there is no chin behind that epic beard, only another fist.  He does not sleep – he waits.  If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 5 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.  I could continue forever but I fear the Norris would grow impatient, so let’s move on to our next entry in our top 5.  You laugh now, but I’m not the one who’s going to get a roundhouse kick to the face.

5.  The Chainsaw Bayonet – Gears of War

Ahh, the eternal conundrum – should I break out the assault rifle, or the chainsaw?  I know I hate that decision, but we’re in luck – with the chainsaw bayonet attachment to the Lancer assault rifle.  As a last-ditch  weapon, the chainsaw cna be effective – but more often than not, in GoW it’s generally a seldom-used weapon.  It’s ineffectiveness takes nothing away from it’s sheer awesomeness, though.  My only real problem with it is that it’s been done.  over 20 years ago by a little company names Games Workshop in their Warhammer 40,000 tabletop game.  You’ll get a much better idea of the badassery that is the chainsword in Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine which will hopefully be released soon on the Xbox 360 and PS3.  Until then, GoW has the monopoly on face-shredding chainblades.  Enjoy it while you can, Gears of War.

4.  The Gauss Rifle – Fallout 3 Operation: Anchorage DLC

Maybe it’s just because I’m a huge nerd, but gauss weapons turn me on.  If you’re familiar with the theory behind them (and I mean, who isn’t, right?) then maybe you get why.  Anyway, the Gauss Rifle is arguably the best gun in Fallout 3, along with the Tesla Cannon.  With phenomenal range, damage and a scope to match, this weapon would terrify Raiders and Ghouls alike if the AI was smart enough to recognize the gun before it blows their faces off.  Eh… it’s more fun this way anyhow.

3. The Handheld Ore Cutter Line Gun: Dead Space

The Line Gun.  After creeping through the shadows of the Ishimura, jumping at every noise or movement, I think the game starts to turn around after finding this weapon.  Well of course, it’s not really a weapon anyway – it’s a tool.  Used to cut boulders down to size, it can be used equally efficiently to cut the Necromorphs infesting the ship down to bite-size pieces (bite-sized, get it?  ‘Cause they’re trying to eat you – nevermind).






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