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Movie Review Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past

Posted by Eric Emin Wood on May 1st, 2009

 

Ghosts Of Girlfriends PastIs there any formula more credible than A Christmas Carol? Done correctly, the story plays on two primal aspects of human nature: that when it comes to remembering how we hurt others, our memories are fuzzy; and that we hate feeling guilt. Forced to confront every nasty thing committed against someone else over the course of three hours, even the most unrepetant jerk would undergo some kind of change (unless they’re a clinical psychopath – which would make for an entertaining, though less marketable, movie).

And yet it results in trash like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, a pandering, obvious slice of counterprogramming shuffled into theatres against the likely blockbuster Wolverine, starring an especially off-putting Matthew McConaughey.

This is a terrible movie. You don’t need me to tell you that. Just watch the trailer.

As you’ve no doubt seen, McConaughey plays a successful photographer with a reputation for bedding women and dumping them as soon as they fall in love with him. After breaking up with three “girlfriends” in front of another woman, he beds the other woman. He’s had a mentor – his late Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas) taught him everything he knows, including that whomever has the least invested in a relationship holds the power.

Of course these kinds of men exist. Worse, their techniques often work. Women in McConaughey’s position are often called sluts. Men in his position are often called players – and indeed he’s glorified as such. The film tries to have it both ways – eventually McConaughey realizes he’s pathetic, and a bridesmaid jokingly refers to him as a man-whore – but it comes across as shameless hypocrisy. After all, it’s much easier to condemn a habit once you’ve come out the other side.

The film’s blatant misogyny wouldn’t hurt so much if its featured example of monogamous bliss – McConaughey’s brother, played by Breckin Meyer, and his shrewish bride, played by Lacey Chabert – wasn’t so clearly headed in the wrong direction. Jennifer Garner plays McConaughey’s love interest, a woman too smart to put up with him for two minutes, let alone twenty years.

Eventually, of course, McConaughey’s visited by ghosts. Poorly conceived ghosts. In A Christmas Carol, Jacob Marley was at least seen lugging around chains; he wanted to keep Scrooge from meeting the same fate. Here, Uncle Wayne appears relatively normal. Still an asshole, but hey, if sex was more important than having friends or building a family.

Perhaps if Douglas had simply warned McConaughey the ghosts were coming – and even better, warned him not to listen to them – his prescence here would have been credible, but he tells McConaughey to stop emulating him, then continues hitting on the other (female) ghosts until the end of the film. Not to mention he and the other ghosts randomly touch and pass through solid objects without any consistency.

The worst part about Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, however, is that it makes McConaughey’s transformation almost believable. Every minute of the film is immaculately telegraphed, and better paced than many romantic comedies I’ve seen. It’s only once you pause to think about it for any length of time that its wrongheadedness becomes clear.

Men are not automatically from Mars and women not automatically from Venus. There are far more differences among the sexes than between them, and anyone who’s progressed beyond a high school relationship, on some level, knows this.

It’s a shame nobody at the studios seems to.

 

 

andPOP Rating - 2 Half Stars

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