Simple PlanFrom time to time, I’m all down for some self-pity music. Once in awhile, I even like (some) lyrics that belt about broken hearts and broken dreams. But while some find such songs always comforting, others find an overuse extremely annoying.

I, of course, agree with the latter.

Let’s face it. We all have problems.  Some of us confide our hatred for life on our Facebook statuses or on Twitter (oh you know who you are).

Others, like myself, prefer to keep our sorrow to ourselves.

The best complainers are artists who whine about the roads they’ve paved. Oh and about the millions of dollars they earned. And about how their ridiculous fame is too much for them to handle, as though they had no choice in the matter.  

So, without further ado, here’s to the top five whiniest music singles (although there is many more) written by singers who, for one reason or another, think they have it a lot  worse than their fans.

(Warning: Do not be alarmed if Simple Plan takes up most of the five spots).

5) ‘Rumors’ by Lindsay Lohan: We should’ve seen at what was to come when Lindsay released first her single ‘Rumors’ years back.  She pleaded with the public to quit following her. To stop, you know, spreading rumours about her. Considering Lindsay only really burst into worldwide fame after the release of ‘Mean Girls’ the year prior, her “I’m tired of rumors starting” to her “I’m sick of being followed” to “I’m tired of people lying, saying what they want about me” lyrics were a bit premature. The funny part? The lyrics to this song are even more ridiculous when we look at Lindsay now. From her constant public fights with her now ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson, to her just plain ridiculous driving habits, this girl doesn’t need anyone to start rumours to make her look bad. Unsurprisingly, this is the only thing she does very well on her own.

 4) Tug of War – Carly Rae Jepsen: When I first heard this single on the radio, I couldn’t believe anyone would air this garbage. If you neglect to listen to the Carly’s other songs,  you won’t realize that this girl actually has some music with substance. But, based on the single ‘Tug of War’ alone, it’s hard to imagine that this Canadian artist has any lyrical talent. Ahem, it pains me to re-write the lyrics from the chorus ‘Tug of War’ but here it goes:

“Don’t go out with the boys tonight, I won’t sleep a wink, wondering what you’re doing.

Don’t go out with the girls tonight, I will turn to drink, wondering what you’re proving.”

When I hear this song on the radio, I HOPE that he goes out with the girls tonight to prove whatever this artist doesn’t want him to prove. If Carly actually relates to what she spews out of her mouth, she needs to either a) dump this guy if he cannot be trusted or b) not date at all in order to avoid any behaviour that’s bound to resemble Glenn Close’s character in ‘Fatal Attraction.’

3) Lucky – Britney Spears: Oh Britney. She’s so lucky. She’s a star. But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart thinking if there’s nothing missing in [her] life then why do these tears come at night?

Could Britney’s lyrics get any worse? Yes, If You Seek Amy proves it so. However, I will give Britney kudos for one thing when it comes to her single ‘Lucky’. She admits that nothing is missing in her life (except, a few years later, she might say sanity) but that she still is just lonely. How sad. It still doesn’t forgive the fact that everyone who rises to fame in their life still needs to find a way to complain about their different lifestyle and their success. No one proves this point better than number two and number one on this list.

2) Welcome to My Life – Simple Plan:  I know there’s a name for bands like Simple Plan. Punk? No. Emo? Not quite. Crap? Yup, that’s it. This band defines everything that is wrong with the music business. Simple Plan’s songs are talentless and redundant. When they sing such lyrics, I want to, excuse my explicitness, rip my ears off.  For example: “No you don’t know what it’s like,? when nothing feels all right,? You don’t know what it’s like, To be like meeeeee”

Regardless of how I may come off in my rants, I love my life. And, the fact that this band complains about godknowswhat somehow gives me the urge to shove them into something. But, then again, perhaps I might think differently if I was making big money off my whining and complaining.

1) God Must Hate Me – Simple Plan: When a band sings the lyrics “God must hate me, he cursed me for eternity,” all I have to say is that yes, He does. He hates you. And your music. Just don’t wonder why because, when you sing this type of music, it must be painstakingly obvious.

 

 

 






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