STUFF THAT SUCKED IN ‘08

There comes a time each year where entertainment pundits everywhere reflect on the past 12 months of pop culture. We dissect the highs and lows, we place celebs on their respective naughty and nice lists and we relish the chance to give you our dissertation on the year’s hits and misses.

So basically, I’ve been waiting for this since New Year’s Day, ‘08.

It was a big year. Some monumental shit went down in 2008. America christened its first black president (holler!), Beijing brought sexy back to the Olympics (yeah!) and Canada proved its political system is just as screwed up- if not more- as anywhere else in the world (say what?). But this isn’t about politics; it’s about good ol’ fashioned fun.

It’s about ripping apart the worst movies, music, celebrity couples and Hollywood gossip of the year.

So without further ado, here are my picks for the WORST of 2008.

5. Michael Phelps

I know, I know. He’s America’s golden boy. He’s a freak of nature. He’s the faster swimmer of all time. Blah, blah, blah. I was all for the Phelps mania during the Olympics but the hype that followed the eight golds has been too much to handle. GO AWAY Michael Phelps. I’m tired of your face! I don’t care if you’re dating a cocktail waitress from Vegas. I don’t care if you have Daddy issues. I don’t care anymore! Get in a pool and maybe I’ll stop cringing at the mention of your name. Some athletes just shouldn’t have their faces plastered everywhere. Peyton Manning, for example. And Manning still trumps Phelps. GO AWAY!

4. Twilight

Twilight freaks need lives. Maybe if they had ones, we wouldn’t have been constantly inundated with this Twilight crap in ‘08. This year saw the introduction of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart into the zeitgeist. Two of the most awkward and uncharismatic celebrities to ever sit down for an interview or to walk a red carpet. Two of the most wild-haired teen stars out there. The movie sucked but no one talks about that because it made money. Twilight freaks camped out for days to see this crap. Twilight freaks are hailing this Pattinson loser as the next Teen Heartthrob (a title now held by my boyfriend Zac Efron). Oh, and the best part? The cast is signed on for two more movies- at least- in the series. Oh joy, more years of Twilight fever. I can’t wait.

3. Tom Cruise

This was the year Tom Cruise attempted to make us forget about the last couple years (the couch jumping, the Scientology) and hypnotize us into remembering his glory days (Top Gun, Jerry Maguire). And it almost worked. Tom promoted Valkyrie all over the world, taking interviews with whoever would talk to him and constantly plugging that this year marked the 25th anniversary of his first big hit, Risky Business. Oprah had a 25 years of Tom Cruise special and showed clips from all his biggest movies. I almost bought it- A Few Good Men is one of my favourite movies of all time. But Tom Cruise today is not the same Tom Cruise of the 90s. Nope. He’s lost it. The charm. The commanding presence. It’s gone Tom. But hey, 25 years? It was a good run.

2. Britney Spears

I went back and forth on this one. Ms. Spears is on many Best lists of ’08. She won a bunch of VMA’s. She “redeemed” herself by showing up to the show looking hot. She released an album that’s heating up the charts. Some people would say she’s had a very successful comeback. I am not one of those people. Losing weight and looking hot does not make you talented. And talented, Britney is not. In her prime, it was her over-the-top, jaw-dropping performances that made her what she is (that, and her relationship with JT). Now, she can’t even perform up-to-par. She released a documentary special on MTV that was supposed to make us understand why she went crazy in ’07 and why she’s all better in ’08. It did neither. She’s got a world tour coming up in ’09 and if she can get her act together, maybe, just maybe, that comeback will happen next year.

1. John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston

These two were made for each other. I’m just surprised they didn’t hook up before this year. They’re both love themselves. They both love getting their picture taken. They both love talking about their exes in public. Soul mates. John and Jennifer were everywhere in ’08. She had a movie to plug and he- well he just plugs himself. This couple is the Heidi and Spencer of A-list Hollywood. The only difference is that Jen’s body is real and John’s actually talented. Here’s hoping they put us out of our misery and break up in ’09.

Honourable Mentions

Katherine Heigl – Single handedly ruined Grey’s Anatomy. And television. And the world.

Madonna and A-Rod – Ew. Enough said.

Jonas Brothers – Can these guys please go away in ’09? Please. And take Miley Cyrus with you.






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