Remember the days when “celebrity” evoked thoughts of untouchable fame, glamour and charm? Neither do I.

Today’s celebs are equated with nothing more than scandals, eating disorders, divorces and coochie shots. But with gossip this juicy to brighten our mundane days, who needs sophistication anymore anyway? Welcome to Celebrity Noose.

I might as well kick things off with the train-wreck that is my former girl crush Britney Spears. Since dumping Fed-Ex, Britney has been romantically linked with everyone from Paris Hilton to Federline’s producer JR Rotem. Well, it seems Britney is giving true love a go yet again. She was photographed frolicking on a boat last week with a model/aspiring actor. This guy (whom friends call Issac Cohen) looks a little like Federdumped, don’t he? Repeat after me, Britters: step away from the leeches, step back toward the newly single Timberlake. The fangirl in me can dream, can’t I?

Speaking of the Fed-Ex, he’s supposedly planning a big surprise. The dude won’t slink away without a fight and he’s promised a big shocker on his website. Will Kevin attempt another CD? No, he can’t be that much of an idiot. Maybe he’s announcing that Britney sex tape exists afterall?

It seems like Rotmen’s doing OK since Hurricane Brit hit. TMZ caught him leaving a Paris Hilton party with singer Mya. Wonder if she finally proved her love is like woah.

Little Canadian sk8r punk turned serious, yet super fun!, songstress Avril Lavigne has revealed the cover for her third album. I thought you were over the faux, brooding emo look Avs?

And it looks like Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden is finally getting some. He’s been all about celebutante Nicole Richie since his split from perma-teen Hilary Duff. The ‘razzi caught Madden and Richie love-in on a beach this week. And no, not even Richie herself knows what she’s doing with Madden.

Nicole Feenstra checks in weekly with her dose of Celebrity Noose.






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