Normally Canadians who make the news are the best of the country, but today it’s the worst writers in Canada who are making the headlines.

The Globe and Mail reports that two Canadians have won the 2006 Bulwer-Lyttoon Fiction Contest, an international bad writing contest.

Irene Buttuls, from Lytton, B.C., and Derek Fisher, from Ottawa, were named winners in their respective categories (Buttuls in the adventure category and Fisher in the detective-fiction group). The objective is to write an atrocious opening sentence.

“Christy, lounging in the gondola which slipped smoothly through the enveloping mist had her first inkling that something was afoot as she heard pattering hooves below (for our story is not in Venice but Switzerland with its Provolone and Toblerone) and craning her not unlovely neck she narrowed her eyes at the dozen tiny reindeer, pelting madly down the goat trail,” was Buttuls’ opening sentence.

The competition is named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose own atrocious opening sentence was the clich?d, “It was a dark and stormy night.” It began in 1982 and includes such categories as: Adventure, Children’s Literature, Detective Fiction, Fantasy Fiction, Historical Fiction, Romance, Science Fiction and Westerns. Awards are also given to the worst entries for Purple Prose, Vile Puns and Special Salute to Breasts.






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