After watching this week’s “Canadian Idol,” boy, am I glad I never got around to auditioning.

I thought about it, I really did, but there was something about sitting in line for days that just didn’t appeal to me very much. That, and my family was pretty sure I’d make it on the air. Only not in the Kelly Clarkson way, but the William Hung sort of way.

But I wanted to audition just to see how the whole process worked. And I thought after last week’s episode, where the judges were just plain mean, that it was a good thing I didn’t come out. But after what happened this week, it was definitely good I decided to walk by the Cannon theatre in Toronto a few months ago and not pop in.

Come on, you know what I’m talking about. This was the most publicized “Canadian Idol” episode ever. The commercials had been talking about it all week, and so had Ben Mulroney. It was the week the judges got in a fight.

And they did. In Montreal, Jake lost it. Farley rolled up his sleeves in preparation for the battle that never came. So, I couldn?t help but think, “that was the big fight?” I mean I waited all week for that? But wait ? there was more.

The Toronto auditions were horrendous (well supposedly, we only see snippets) and Zack lost it.

After throwing a garbage can (which the poor guy auditioning thought was meant for him, although I’m sure it wasn’t), Zack and the rest of the judges stormed into the lobby of the theatre (basically) warning everyone if they sucked to go home.

And had I been there (assuming I wasn’t the one auditioning when the garbage can was thrown, which, let’s face it, my luck I would have been), I would have beelined out of the Cannon like there was no tomorrow.

But no one did. They sat there in silence, afraid to move, let alone save themselves.

And I can’t say I really blame them. From what I’ve heard from people who have made it in front of Zack, Jake, Farley and Sass, they have to go through other auditions before getting there. People screen them to see how good these kids are ? or how bad they are. And if you think you can sing, and you can’t, but you get through to the celebrity judges round, are you really going to be thinking at that moment, “oh they must be talking about me”? I don’t think so.

On the other hand, I can totally see where the judges are coming from. It?s one thing to get one or two bad singers in a row, but it’s another when it just seems to never stop. And Zack was right, due to its population alone, Toronto should be walking in and taking all kinds of gold tickets.

The problem the judges face is they are there to yes, find talent, but also to be the entertainment relief of the show. I mean come on, would anyone really watch the audition process if everyone could sing? Of course not, there’s no entertainment value in that. No comic relief. No way for anyone at home to say, “well, even I’m better than that.”

And that is why I pity the judges because they are experts in the music field, they know what a good voice is, what they are looking for and it must be so frustrating to have to sit through the endless bad auditions just so “Canadian Idol” junkies like me can have some entertainment Monday nights.

And it is also — since Zack, Farley and Jake told me that the top 22 are phenomenal this year — I can?t wait to hear them for myself in a couple of weeks.

Because as any fellow “Canadian Idol” viewer knows, if those three are in agreement, these kids must be good.






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