It?s now 2006, and because everyone is either hung over or just really tired , I?ll give you a nice quick-hitter column. Instead of doing clich? new years resolutions, I?ll put on my Dr. Phil hat and dish out some advice for our beloved sports celebs.

? Mike Tyson- For the love of all that is good in this world, please do not appear in Playgirl (as has been rumoured for some time). You can imagine what a slippery slope that is…

? Phil Jackson- Next time you decide to come back into coaching, try not to do it with a player you called ?uncoachable.? Oh, and maybe you could learn a thing or two from Pat Riley? your chances of success greatly increase when you have a guy named Shaquille O?Neal on your team.

? Lenny Wilkins- It?s over Lenny. The only thing you should be allowed to coach now is an octogenarian bingo team.

? Rudy Gay- Thought by many as being the best prospect in the next NBA draft, Rudy Gay should consider changing his last name. Many NBA players have openly stated they wouldn?t be comfortable with a homosexual teamate, which sets the tone for a very anti-gay sport. This trickles down to the fans, many of whom have already laughed at the potential purple Raptors jersey with Gay across the back. A Nightmare for marketing. I?m not saying it?s right, but it?s a reality.

? Minnesota Vikings- Sea a Ho, Land ahoy. I don?t blame the Vikings for the notorious ?sex boat? incident. I blame the sea; there have been many tales of what the sea can do to weak-willed men. Stay on land me matees.

? Larry Brown- Who leaves the Detroit Pistons to coach the New York Knicks? Larry, my advice to you? seek professional mental help, something?s not right there.

? Ron Artest- Call Larry Brown and ask for his psychiatrist?s number ASAP.

? Latrell Sprewell- Call Ron Artest for Larry Brown?s psychiatrist?s number ASAP. Or just see a financial advisor and learn how to feed your family on only tens of millions of dollars a year. Poor Sprewells.

? Michelle Wie & Annika Sorenstam- Not that they can?t compete at a high level in the PGA, I just don?t think they should. If I?m not mistaken, there is a LPGA, is there not? This just reeks of reverse-sexism. If they?re allowed to play in the PGA, I think NBA bench warmers should be able to play in the WNBA. It?s only fair.






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